It all started with a movie. Just a stupid, crude Canadian comedy—Asses of Fire—starring Terrance and Phillip. We weren’t supposed to see it. We were fourth graders. But we found a way. Paid some homeless guy five bucks to buy our tickets. And man, was it worth it.

Now everyone at school wants to know how to swear like us. It’s like we’re legends. Even Cartman’s getting attention, and he didn’t even come up with any of the words.

But then the adults freaked out. Like, full-on panic. Parents started blaming Canada. My mom’s in a meeting right now about ‘moral decay.’ And Wendy? She’s hanging out with that British kid Gregory, acting all high and mighty like she’s better than us.

I don’t know what’s happening anymore. One minute we’re laughing at fart jokes, the next the National Guard’s rolling into town.

Kyle says we need to fix this. But how do you undo something that feels this good?