When Alpha Derek come to check-in on one of his pack he finds the one thing he never really paid a thought to: A mate. A mate who has been beaten down to a speck of dirt. A weakling paired with an Alpha. An Alpha who kills, who murders. An Alpha who killed his Beta. Moon Goddess bless anyone who met him, and his little mate stumbled right on upon that. Alpha Derek of the Midwestern region. Specifically the Night Stone pack.He rules with an iron fist. He keeps his pack in check, no one crosses him; they wouldn't bother to think of it.He once killed his beta. In front of everyone. He knocked out his gamma during it.He hated his father so much- he ripped him apart.Death did not bother this man. He wasn't capable of feelings. It didn't come as a shock.He became stony. And no one could alter him.No one.----This is a mature story that will contain dark themes, intense language, and sexual content! MANY TRIGGERS! THIS IS A VERY DARK BOOK

Chapter 1- Routine Life I can't feel anything. My body was numb. My eyes were fixed on a spot on the ceiling, and I blocked out the grunts of the man on top of me- violating me if that's what it can even be considered because for the amount of time he's done this act of sin, what could he possibly be violating? He's raped me a countless amount of times over the past seven years.

I was knocked out of my trance when I heard his belt buckle and he looked back at me. I quickly averted my eyes, knowing it was disrespectful to look an Alpha in their eyes.

"You're a good fuck mate, now get dressed," he yanked me up by my hair, "and get downstair to fix dinner slut," He finished by smacking me back down on the bed and leaving my room, the sound of the door slamming rang in my ears.

I huddled myself in a ball as I squeezed my eyes shut. I despise this place... After a few moments of battling my emotions, I decided to get dressed and do what was told of me before my actions caught up with me. I rummaged around for clothing and found some jeans and a long sleeve shirt, it had a few rips at the ends but it did its job.

Sneaking downstairs has become a habit. I hated having the monster find me because once he did…

I made small steps into the kitchen and started preparing food for the Alpha, Beta, and Gamma. I like to think of myself as a decent cook, I could whip up decent meals. I was a better baker but I don't get to do a lot of that. I started cooking dinner which consisted of steak, corn, and pasta.

They all came into the kitchen together being obnoxiously loud, I flinched in response due to impulse. They sat at the table and I filled their plates and set them in front of the men, starting with the Alpha and finishing at the Gamma. I went to walk away until the monster's voice stopped me.

"Fuck toy! Get your ass over here!" I silently walked back cowering my head down keeping my eyes at my feet. Apparently, I was walking too slow because the brute thrashed out and grabbed my arm yanking me forward.

I stumbled and ended up falling on my knees on the side of his seat, keeping my head down, the tears already started streaming down my face. He moved his grip on my hair and yanked it back so my head shot up. I quickly averted my eyes.

"Tell me," his grip got tighter and I whimpered, "what the fuck is this shit?" he belted and he snatched the plate and slammed it on the ground flying mere millimeters near my face, I flinched and it didn't go unnoticed by him.

"I'll give you something to fucking flinch at bitch," and he yanked me up and slammed my face in the Beta's plate. He tore me away after then pulled me up as he stood, "you fucking useless piece of shit!" He threw my body to the ground and landed a kick to my stomach. Immediately I curled up. The tears didn't stop as he landed kick after kick. He stopped and I stayed curled in a ball, I heard his feet stomp back to the table, followed by the other chairs scooting back and the men standing up.

I made the mistake of looking up at him because the moment I moved my head I saw the other plates and food come crumbling down and I rapidly went back into the ball. One plate smacked me on my head and the other shattered in front of my face, the glass flying up and cutting me as I tightened the ball I was in. He grabbed my hair and smacked it against the tiled floor one last time before he spoke again.

"Boys, have your go at the bitch, and then bring her to my room when you're done." I was immensely alarmed. Have your go? They never raped me. Touched me? Yeah. Beat me? Of course. I started sobbing, not caring now about the noise I make.

He walked away and right as he reached the threshold that separated the kitchen from the living room he turned and said: "And try not to make her too bruised for me." He chuckled and I gagged. Too bruised? Was that even possible? I clenched my eyes shut to try to stop the tears.

They both chuckled as the Beta pushed me onto my back. I didn't stop crying even when the gamma told me to 'shut the fuck up'. The beta pulled out his belt along with the Gamma. The Beta snatched me up by my hair and started to whip me across my wet cheeks. I cried harder as he forced my hands to stay down, the Gamma took my hand and placed it on his cock and started to stroke his penis while holding my hand.

What was he doing? This never happened!

Next thing I knew the Gamma pulled back his belt, as I slumped to the ground, my head spinning from the blows, the Beta dragged me up from the floor and threw me over his shoulder. I gasped in pain as a burning sensation flared in my stomach, now the question is, is it my fractured ribs, my knife wounds from yesterday or the blows that my stomach received mere minutes ago?

The Beta hauled me upstairs and went into the Alpha's room and threw my battered body on his bed. They both left, and I brought my hands to my eyes and I started to cry and then the door creaked open to reveal the sadist himself. He came in his jeans and had that foul look in his eyes. He stalked me like prey and I sniveled.

"My dear Violet, you've been a very bad girl." He got to the edge of the bed and every fiber in my body screamed to get away from him but I knew better. He took off his belt and I moved my eyes there.

It was then I noticed the shiny knife in his pocket. He laid out the belt then took out the knife. I closed my eyes knowing how this was going to end, me lying bloodied and wishing I was dead.

He had a dark chuckle, "I'm excited for this, this right here is a new knife" He mused as he picked it up and admired it. He threw his arm up and quickly slammed it down into my flesh. I screamed in agony as he pierced my stomach. He slid the knife down to my hip bone and then pulled out the knife as I sobbed and sobbed. Through blurry eyes I saw as he brought the knife covered in my blood to his lips, he slid it on his tongue and I felt like puking.

"Your insides taste amazing…" he slurred as if he was buzzed from that and I cried harder. "But, your pussy tastes even better" he stated as he quickly switched the knife to the belt and slapped it down on my private area between my legs.

I bit back a scream, knowing it would just turn him on even more. His hands went to his pants and he yanked them down along with his boxer. Once he was done with that, he took a proper hold on his belt and then whipped it down on my fresh cut, I couldn't contain my scream. I hollered. My tear came down like it was a downpour. Heat enfolded my whole abdomen. It was painful. Burning. Excruciating.

He kept slashing the bet on my tender skin as I cried and meekly begged him to stop- and as always he never stopped. I did a quick glance at my body and saw that my stomach was practically covered in blood. After some time he stopped his torture, but that was only his warm-up because he tossed the belt across the room and then yanked my figure closer towards him by grabbing my foot. I continued to cry as he plowed his way into my body. And the only thing on my mind was the same as every other time he's done this.

Why me?

Chapter2- Visit The next morning, I sat naked on the ground in the bathroom. It didn't have much, a toilet, a very small shower that didn't work half the time, a small sink and a dirty mirror. I had no more tears to cry at the moment.

I was worn out. I was tired. Tired of being abused, of being pushed around, of being someone's punching bag, of waking up to deal with this, of living here.

With the strength I could muster up, I hauled myself up to look in the mirror. I hated what stared back at me. This girl had dull lifeless brown eyes. Dead brown hair that went to her waist. Scars that littered her body more than the trash that's littering the ocean. Ugly hip bones and ribs are prominent from the lack of food she got, she ate about two times a week, maybe three if she was lucky, even if it was three she would be puking it up within minutes, only made possible by her beatings.

A frame that was too small, barely had any curves. A collarbone that is too defined. Grim eye-bags. Her body had too many scars to find it attractive. Her breasts are bruised from being groped too aggressively. Her skin was a deathly pale from never being out in the sun. Her knees had bruises from always being forced on them. She looked revolting.

When I looked back up at my face, tears were coming down. Stupid silent tears. With those thoughts in my head, I reached for my razor blade. I've done this a million times, nothing I'm not used to. I lined the blade on my wrist and applied pressure, pulling down vertically. It pierced my skin and I let out a shaky breath. After the cut was made a small wave of satisfaction came over me. I kept cutting and cutting.

'You'll never be worth anything.'

'Slut.'

'You could never make anyone happy.'

The sobs came out of my mouth in silence. I continued slicing until I was satisfied.

...As satisfied as I could be...

I washed off my arms, and wrapped them, then threw on clothes so that Alpha Chris doesn't see them. Even though my beatings are terrible, it will be ten thousand times worse if he found out I continued to do it behind his back. One time he caught me in the act when I was fifteen. He told me that 'I wasn't good enough to be able to injure myself'. It didn't make much sense and it still doesn't. I guess only he wants to harm me, but everyone else does it, so he's not that special. And he knows that.

"Slut!" Alpha Chris yelled. I flinched and braced myself as I walked to his office and proceeded to knock on Alpha's office door.

"Come in, bitch!". I flinched again, then I opened the door and looked at my feet. "Listen here my dear, dear mate," he said as he stood and wrapped his arm around my body while the other grabbed my breast, causing me to flinch, "our Regional Alpha Derek is coming to check on us in two hours. You dear," he squeezed my boob harder and I whimpered, "better have this house fucking spotless and get yourself prettied up. Also, make food, and if it's anything like that shit you made last night, you can't even imagine what I'll do to you once he leaves. Understood?" I nodded and that didn't make him happy. "Understood!" He yelled as he yanked back my head. I gasped at the pain.

"Y-yes A-alpha," I whispered, cringing at my stutter. I always stuttered, I hated it.

"Good. Come here," He murmured. I walked to his side as he instructed, and in a soft voice said, "my precious mate, give your Alpha a kiss." His hand went up to my neck and brought it down to his lips. He softly pressed his lips against mine.

He's done this act multiple times through-out my years here, don't be fooled. He was kissing me softly, and moaned a little against my still lips, and then turned rough. Shocker. He yanked me off his lips and stood up. He looked down at me and I looked at my feet.

"Go get fucking ready slut," He growled out as his hand came down and smacked me to the ground. I quickly nodded as I scrambled off the floor and out of his office.

Two hours later, I had cooked mashed potatoes, green beans, and meatloaf. I was practically praying that it turned out good, but either way, tonight Alpha Chris was going to have his way with me, whether it'd be solely violence or rape.

I was surprised I was able to make it all with the constant stomach pains I kept having, it was like a nervous pain that would shoot through me every five minutes. I set the table and started to fill the plates when I heard voices.

"Alpha, were you pleased with the pack?" I heard Alpha Chris ask the visitor. As I was going to finish the last plate my stomach pain shot up to the fullest and almost had me double over. I gasped as tears started to form in my eyes, and bent over slightly to ease the pain. It didn't work.

...Violet, come on. Not now. You heard what Chris said... I told myself. Violet, you can't cry because the makeup will wash off. Yes. Yes. I can't cry. If my makeup gets messed up, and if Alpha Derek sees, I think Alpha Chris might actually kill me.

Pulling myself together I grabbed the plates balancing them in my arms and took them out to the men. I walked into the dining room and the moment I stepped in, the pain skyrocketed and it took everything in me to not drop to the ground. I placed everyone's plate down.

When I sat the last plate down my nostrils were invaded by the scent of sandalwood. I went to move my eyes but quickly averted them. I saw black boots that went over the end of black jeans. I started to move my eyes up, at started to see a dark navy blue button-up shirt-

"Violet! Your service is done, you are dismissed. Leave," Alpha Chris's voice cut me out of my mind. I jerked back up from the table and mumbled a "sorry" to Alpha Chris. I quickly realized my mistake and my eyes bulged out of my head.

'You moron! You spoke without permission!'

"Women, you know how they are. Only good at one thing…" Alpha Chris chuckled and my cheeks flared up knowing what he meant, time to leave.

I turned but then someone reached up and grabbed my wrist, sparks flying up my arm, I winced as the person grabbed my fresh cuts. Even if they were now wrapped and covered, they were still sore after.

"Stop." A voice cut the air. The sound made my chest flutter. My stomach pains weakened. My breath faltered. I dared to look over at the man who held my wrist.

His eyes are dark blue. He has a medium complexion. His hair is dark brown. He has clear skin. Very, very handsome. Attractive.

"Is there something wrong Derek?" Alpha Chris spoke and I could feel the nervousness in his voice.

"Alpha Derek." The man corrected.

"Y-yes, I apologize, sir. Is there something wrong, A-alpha Derek?" Alpha Chris stuttered. That's ironic considering the number of times he made fun of my stuttering and beaten me senseless for it.

Before Alpha Derek answered that question, he took a hard look at me and I quickly looked away from him and he dropped my wrist. My stomach pains got a little more painful after that, I discreetly cradled my wrist. I felt uncomfortable at his stare and wanted to disappear. Suddenly he stood up and I took an impulsive step back.

" We'll be leaving," He spoke, his voice was deep and it sounded so nice to hear. I kept my head down.

"Oh! Well, sorry you couldn't stay to finish the meal, but, have a safe trip back." Alpha Chris stuck his hand out for Alpha Derek to shake but Alpha Derek didn't even spare a glance. "Okay, well nice to have you stop by. Violet, clean this up." He told me, and Alpha Derek walked away followed by the sound of the door slamming shut, and with that sound, my heart throbbed and my stomach tightened and I put a hand over it to try and help.

I didn't understand why I was acting the way I was, I didn't even know that man, yet here I was, aching for him to come back.

Slut.

My arm was yanked and my face met with a fuming Alpha. I averted my eyes and waited for it to all come.

"You useless piece of fucking shit!" He screamed as he punched me, square in the face. I stumbled back from the impact and fell on the ground. "You had one job today, one motherfucking job!" He kicked my stomach. "And you couldn't even do that!" Another kick. "Are you even fucking listening?!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.

He didn't land another kick on me instead he straddled my body and docked blow after blow to my face. It felt like a sledgehammer being brought to my face. "You're only good for... one... fucking thing and that's... laying there…while I...fuck...the living...daylights out...of.." My eyes started to roll back and my conscience was there by a thread. Abruptly he was yanked off of me and with everything I had left I looked to see what was happening. On top of Alpha Chris was Alpha Derek, destroying his face.

I watched as he got up and barked an order, although I couldn't hear what it was, and some figure came in and dragged Alpha Chris's body away. Alpha Derek came to me and I felt him pick me up and that movement was all I needed for my conscience to completely slip away.

Chapter 3- Doctor, Doctor My head was buzzing. There was a throbbing pain. My head felt like it was spinning and I squeezed my eyes shut to try to regain some type of equilibrium. I tried opening my eyes and bright white light invaded my vision.

Wincing, I shut my eyes and waited for them to adjust before I tried to reopen them. I opened and closed them a few times before I was able to see. There was a steady beeping and I titled my head to the side to see where it was coming from. A heart monitor. I was in the hospital. I felt tears come to my eyes.

...Where am I?...

The door opened and a doctor walked in. I felt my heart rate accelerate, and the heart monitor kept beeping and beeping. I quickly sat up and my body fluttered with pain.

"Woah, Woah, Woah!" The doctor chuckled and jogged towards me, flinching away from him I brought my knees up to me, ignoring the discomfort. He came right by the bed and reached out and grabbed my arm, I cowered away from the man.

Men weren't my favorite due to my past experiences.

"You're awake! So... the Alpha will come to check on you in about an hour." He spoke. I looked at the man. He has curly brown hair and tan skin. He has long stubble that has hints of grey in it. He looks older, maybe 40? Mid-forties? His name tag contains three letters. R-E-X. Rex.

He went on talking about my health and I didn't pay attention at all. I was just staring at the ground, my heartbeat was not slowing down in the slightest way, and the fact that he still had his hand on my arm didn't help.

"Now- we have you under some medication that I injected you with when you arrived. And it will make your body just a little weaker." I can't afford to be weaker. "But that will only benefit me…" he mumbled to me. I snuck a look up at the doctor. His eyes turned dark, and I got a sick feeling in my stomach. The same look Alpha Chris gave me.

...Wait, where is Alpha Chris?...

He dragged his hand down from my arm to rest on my knee and I froze. Maybe I should've pushed him off or done something but I was in an unfamiliar place, not remembering past events that well, and I was unfocused.

He pulled down the blanket a little and my heartbeat spiked along with the beeping.

"I'm just going to check the bruising on your knees," he pulled down the blanket some more until it was at my ankles. He moved his hand to the end of the hospital gown and I flinched.

...How did that get on me?...

"The bruising looked bad," he added as he pulled it up to my mid-thighs. While he did that something in me fluttered, anticipating something and I was beyond confused by that. I didn't want this man's hands on me, why would I anticipate that?

"Now, let me take off this," I flinched as he reached behind me and I couldn't help as my hand swatted him away. I knew I'd get punished for it but I couldn't help it.

"N-no!" I whispered and tried to scoot away from him.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything," he said, slightly growly. He clasped his hand around my thigh and I shivered with disgust.

A thunderous growl tore through the room.

I cowered even more at that sound but my heart tightened, like in a good way. Was this what my subconscious was anticipating? I glanced over at the door and saw a tall man with striking dark blue eyes. He was standing next to a woman with a clipboard and she was looking at me and the man with wide eyes.

Wow, he's pretty.

'No one would want you, slut. Don't even think about it.'

"Alpha!" The man spoke, alarmed. "I thought you weren't coming for a few hours…" He was fumbling over his words, fear and worry were evident and I lifted my head to see what was happening.

The man stalked up to the doctor and grabbed his arm in a stern grip, removing it from my thigh. While he did that, the woman rushed over to the other side and gave a small smile to me and I immediately looked down.

She slowly reached out to the blanket and brought it back up to cover my legs, I flinched even though she was moving at a slow pace like she didn't want to startle me. And with this man's presence, the smell of sandalwood reappeared. It seemed familiar.

"You thought wrong," He growled. "Why are you with a female patient?" he demanded, his cold tone brought unwanted goosebumps on my skin.

...Stop it, Violet! You don't even know this man!...

"I was doing a check-up," Rex answered, his voice slightly wavering.

"I thought it was clear after our last incident that you were banned from interacting with any female patient, especially alone," he growled as he kissed his teeth. His eyes were angry, but it was a pretty color.

...Stop it, Violet!...

'Slut.'

"Mind explaining why you were trying to undress her?" the man demanded and the doctor swallowed. The man didn't want to wait for his answer, instead, he scoffed and pushed him away. "Get out!" he demanded. He looked over at me when the door closed.

My eyes bulged as I moved my eyesight down. He growled at my action, it caused my heart rate to increase and I flinched. His hand gripped my jaw and forced my face up to his. Sparks erupted at our contact, and surprised- I jumped back, or tried to jump back. His grasp tightened as he growled lowly at my action. I did a quick scan of his face until I saw his eyes.

I couldn't help the small gasp that came out. His eyes were a deep blue and suddenly- I forgot how to breathe. His eyes were as hard as stone as he studied my face. His eye slits were getting thinner as he inspected my face. His glare was mean, he seemed pissy from moments ago.

...Violet! Stop staring!...

I broke out of my trance and looked down, listening to myself.

...Don't look an Alpha in their eyes...

He growled at that too and I winced at the sound. I started to feel more insecure about myself. His grip got tighter by each silent passing second, fear started to ignite in me and my eyes got wet, and I couldn't help it as they slid down. I felt as his eyes wandered down to my body and he pushed my face so he got a better look- I clutched the blanket tighter against me.

He didn't spend too much time on my body, even though every second felt like an hour, and he moved his gaze back to my face. I don't know where I am, I don't know where Alpha Chris is, I don't know anything and I'm already a mess in front of another man.

He growled again, before tossing my face out of his grasp lightly. He looked at the woman who was reading something on her clipboard, on the other side of the bed.

"You know what to do?" she immediately shook her head.

"Yes, Alpha!"

He nodded and was out of the room before I could grasp what just happened, taking the sandalwood smell with him.

What were the sparks? The more I thought about it, it seemed to spark a memory but I couldn't see it fully. Like something was buried and you could only see the outline.

I looked at the woman, she had blonde hair that was in a low bun. She has tan skin and brown eyes. She's pretty, but I'm wary of her. She looks to be older, at least older than me. Maybe thirty? As I take a look at her- I see she has a ring on her left hand. Married?

She gives me a warm smile as she says hi. "Good morning, my name is Reseda and I'll be your new doctor." She spoke slowly and smoothly. Not too loud, not too low, she was even. She walked to the end of the bed and I immediately moved my legs back in fear.

'Because you have to fear everything right? Worthless…'

I closed my eyes at the voice. Why?

I heard the girl hum and I moved my eyes to her, but I didn't look at her face, just her hands that are on a clipboard at the end of the bed.

"Violet... " she trails my name and I flinch.

'Why are you flinching moron? It's a name, your name- stop being so pathetic.'

A frown made its way to my face as I thought about what the voice said.

"You have a very pretty name," she stated and I felt her look at me.

'Thank her. That's if you can even say it…'

"T-thank y-you," I mumbled, hating my stutter.

She hummed before she responded. "You're welcome. Violet Ophelia Taylor. Very cute. So let's see... " She started to read a little more before she spoke again. "Ms.Taylor, I'm going to perform a small physical on you, is it alright if I take your blood pressure?" She asks looking at me while I look to the side.

I had no clue what she meant. Was she going to take some of my blood? What's physical? Like, touch me? I don't want that. I was silent before she spoke again.

"Do you know what taking blood pressure is?" She asked me. She started to explain what it was and I was trying my hardest to follow along, even though I didn't have the slightest idea of what she's saying.

"So, Ms.Taylor, is it okay if I take your blood pressure?" She asks me. I nodded yes, a little fearful of the consequences of me saying 'no'. "Okay, now I need you to sit up and uncross your legs…" I did as she asked and she came closer to me. "I'm going to put this on your arm now, okay?" I nodded but when she reached out for me I still flinched back.

'Can you ever stop flinching? Just trust someone!'

...No, you don't trust anyone! Just listen...

My brows furrowed together at the voices in my head arguing.

The doctor's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. "Okay, I'm going to start. There will be pressure but nothing too bad. Just take regular breaths," She instructed and started to pump the ball, the band getting bigger, and I felt the compression start. I started wincing when it got tighter and I whimpered.

"It's okay, only a few more seconds, it'll be okay…" The doctor calmed me.

What's her name again? Was it something with an R? I glanced at her name tag, but quickly glanced away- I didn't catch the name. The pressure was getting too much and I started to feel lightheaded. A small, quiet groan came out of my mouth. A few seconds later, the doctor was pulling the armband off of me. I closed my eyes and cradled my arm.

"Ms. Taylor, may I check your weight and height?" I nod, but when she walked- expecting me to follow, I froze. "It's alright, we'll just be going to the next room for a few minutes." I frowned at that. When I made no attempt to move she walked to me and I flinched away. She studied me for a second as I looked down at my shaky hands.

I feared getting up, because I was in an unfamiliar place with people I didn't know. She softly reassured me and coaxed me out of bed. "Okay, Ms.Taylor, are you ready to do your height and weight?" The doctor asked me in her usual voice.

With a small nod of the head, she came over and helped me get out of bed. If not for her I would have fallen flat on my face because of how weak my legs were. Once I regained my normal 'strength' in my legs I was able to walk without her help, and she led the way to the room while I walked timidly behind her with my arms wrapped around my body.

It turns out I'm five foot seven and I weigh one hundred and one pounds. I'm currently back in the bed while she asks me more medical information and she says after that she'll tell me about the information she gathered.

"When was the last time you've shifted?"

"N-never."

'You can't even say one word without stuttering. Pathetic.'

"Never?" I nod. "Oh, I'll talk to the Alpha about that. It's very unhealthy. Do you have any conditions?"

I was confused by her question, conditions? So I just nodded my head 'no'.

"Okay…" she trailed off as she wrote things on her clipboard and I stood there by the bed. She looked up at me, "honey, you can get into bed." She smiled at me and chuckled lightly.

'Get into bed, whore!'

...Block out the thoughts, Violet, don't listen...

I listened to myself and cautiously, I climbed back into the hospital bed.

"Okay, two more questions Ms.Taylor, for some reason it wasn't in the records that we received, the first- what is your age?" She asked.

"T-twenty o-one..." Stupid stutter…

"Alright," she wrote on her clipboard papers, "and when is your birthday?"

My birthday…my least favorite day.

"A-Agust n-ninth."

'Can you ever speak?'

"Okay…" She wrote some more, and then looked up at me and smiled- I averted my eyes. "Well, some things; you have low blood pressure, we will add salt into your diet, and you need to drink more water. Also, you need to eat more as your weight is very low. We'll work that into your diet and…." she trailed off as she flipped through her notes and continued to explain things to me- even though I didn't understand. She told me food will be sent in shortly and afterward, I should get some sleep- then she got up to leave.

"Wait...wait... Um... e-excuse m-me…" I mumbled and fumbled, the doctor turned on her heel with concern on her face. My heart was beating so fast from how nervous I got, my hands were shaking, wringing my wrists "W-where a-am I?"

"You're in Alpha Derek's pack, the Night Stone pack." With that, she turned and left. The realization came in a wave, Alpha Derek of the Night Stone pack. Fear lit my body on fire, because of a name Alpha Chris warned me of, reminding me of my tormentor.

Chapter 4 New The supernatural werewolf world has a specific way of ruling. A king that had power over the entire nation. Then 7 alphas were under him, one for each region in which the American nation was split: The Pacific, Midwest, Northeast, Southeast, Southwest, the Rocky Mountains, and the Noncontiguous. Then alphas under them that ruled over their single state. And finally, under those alphas you had about five to ten packs in each state; each state varied.

A king, regional alphas, Statal alphas, and territorial alphas.

They say the regional alphas were all deadly in their own way of sin. And the King...

Alpha Derek of the Midwestern region. Specifically the Night Stone pack.

They say he is one of the toughest alphas. He once killed his own Beta. In front of everyone. He knocked out his Gamma during it.

He rules with an iron fist. He keeps the packs he runs in check, no one crosses him; they wouldn't bother to think of it.

He hated his father so much- he ripped him apart.

Death did not bother this man. He wasn't capable of feelings. It didn't come as a shock.

With no family, he became stony. And no one could alter him.

No one.

--

Fear was out of the question. What are you supposed to feel? Freaking joy? No. Terror was overwhelming my body.

I was left alone in the room with my emotions. Sweat started to dot my forehead and I felt my head start to throb. My chest felt heavy. My throat was scratchy and I felt the urge to cough to relieve myself. I coughed but I ended up wheezing. The familiar feeling of my air constricting came back and tears covered my vision like rain on a car.

The door opened. In came the doctor, her eyes grew and started shouting things that I couldn't hear. My air hole was getting smaller and smaller- less air coming in. She rushed over to me and was messing with something in her hands and speaking but to me- nothing was audible except for the obnoxious beeping of the machine.

I was only focused on getting oxygen into my lungs, and I was failing. She shoved something in my mouth and pressed on top of the object. My lungs were awarded oxygen and I gasped.

I felt relieved as I could breathe again and the storm in my head started to calm. I was sniffling and brought my shaking hands up to wipe my eyes.

"Ms.Taylor, are you okay?" She asked as she rubbed my back. I meekly nodded. "Okay, It's alright, now, you might have either had a panic attack or an asthma attack- very similar" she gave me a blue plastic holder with a bottle in it that fit in my hand, "this is your inhaler…"

She started to explain how and when to use it, and told me what these asthma and panic attacks are and concluded that I most likely had asthma, but could be both. "alright, I'll let you get some rest if you need anything, buzz." She got up quietly and left the room and I weakly slid back and shut my burning eyes.

A few days have passed of me in the hospital, and Doctor Reseda finally cleared me to be released. I spent the majority of my time sleeping due to the pills I am on, and they've always been accompanied by nightmares of Alpha Chris. That wasn't new, I've had them since the first day he laid eyes on me.

However, those dark blue eyes were stuck in my head. I don't know why and it's been bugging me.

Doctor Reseda walked in with her smile on her face, "Good morning Ms.Taylor, we've cleared you, as you know, and you'll be leaving with our Beta, as instructed by the Alpha!"

She gave me a fresh pair of clothes that consisted of a grey long sleeve t-shirt that enveloped my scar covered wrists, some grey sweatpants that hung loosely on my scrawny hips, white socks, and some gray canvas shoes.

...Nicest things I've ever had...

It took some time but next thing, I'm walking with the Beta to where I'll be staying. I felt extremely uncomfortable with a random male, walking with me in unfamiliar places.

...Violet, this is your first time outside in years...

The thought made a sad frown form on my face.

It was an uneasy walk, but then again practically everything in my pitiful life is uneasy. Although the sun was out, the air was cold, to try and make myself the slightest bit warmer I put my hands together. It's spring, right? Early I believe because it was about two weeks ago Alpha Chris told me to change the clocks ahead an hour.

I looked up at the Beta. He was tall, had dirty blonde hair and brown eyes, and some stubble along his jaw. He was tanner than me, he had spent some time in the sun. Dressed in a dark brown t-shirt that hugged his defined body and dark jeans paired off with dark brown combat boots that were tucked under his pants.

I was having trouble keeping up with his pace, I never was a fast one, and that was not beneficial for me. The Beta would notice, huff, stop, then walk again. It was a repetitive theme because, as said, I'm slow.

After a while, we got to a place. It was big. Huge. A house. At least two stories, standing tall and wide, stone packed the outside walls. The door was displayed in the middle of two off-white pillars.

The house was a little ways from the main area of the pack. Tall trees towered a couple of yards from the towering house. He walked up the three stairs to the door and I staggered behind. He rang the doorbell and as we waited I caught my breath.

'It wasn't even that far of a walk.'

'You're so weak.'

...Stop...

'Can't ever do anything, it's fucking walking!'

'So worthless-'

My thoughts were cut off by the sound of a throat clearing. I did a glance up to see the beta impatiently waiting inside with a slightly annoyed look on his face. Instantly, I felt guilty and refrained from flinching. I got my skinny butt into the house to not make him anymore annoyed because who knows what this guy will do if he gets too annoyed with me…

Once I was in I took a quick look around and was astonished at the house. If I thought the outside was huge, the inside was vast. The house has dark wooden floors, walls with dark brown paint and a light tan trim that were complemented by the tan furniture. The simple scenery made me think of the white sofa stained with my blood, sweat, and tears Alpha Chris had in his basement- my "medium punishment" spot.

I shivered at the thought.

I followed behind the beta through the living room and to the left which led us to stairs. He started to go up and I quietly followed. He took some turns and stopped when he came to a door.

"This will be your room, I'll send up dinner, the Alpha will see you tomorrow, I will pick you up promptly at 10 o'clock to take you there." He seemed to have little emotion in his voice.

'Or maybe because no one likes you.'

I meekly nodded looking at my hands. He opened the door and then spoke again.

"There is a pair of clothes for tomorrow and some toiletries. We'll have some things dropped off tomorrow." He used that same voice. And with that, he turned and started to walk away. I walked into the room, closing the door and then turning around; if I thought the house was grand- look at the room!

The floor was covered in a light brown carpet, almost like a dark beige. My room in Alpha Chris's pack didn't have carpet. The room itself was 5 times the size of my room in Alpha Chris's pack, no double that, ten times.

The walls almost matched the carpet- just a few shades darker. It has a bed in the center against the wall to the left of the door covered in grey sheets and a window on the wall. Across the bed were two doors. Walking to them I realize one is a regular closet with a dresser on the side, outside the door. The other door leads to a bathroom.

...The nicest room I've ever stayed in...

'Because trash like you don't deserve things like this.'

...Stop it!...

'It's the truth- there's a reason you never had nice things.'

I squeeze my eyes shut at the voices, they're always there. It-

A knock sounded at the door, I flinched at the sound and expected the knocker to barge in- it's what I'm used to, except no one knocks, they just come in. The rapping sounded again and cautiously I went to the door and opened it. Standing there was the Beta.

"Time for dinner." He spoke, "let's go, follow," He demanded.

...I thought he said he was gonna drop it off…

I silently followed behind him as he walked through the halls, down the stairs, and to a dining room. He motioned for me to sit where food was set out. I obeyed his motion and sat down. He sat down at the rectangular table across from me with his own plate.

...I haven't had a meal in three days…

'And you shouldn't eat, Alpha Chris only likes skinny girls.'

...It's been three days…

'Shut up, he wouldn't allow you to eat knowing you left him. This is your punishment.'

...Three days…

'You don't de-'

"Eat," The Beta instructed me. He started eating himself. I peered down at the meal. It was pasta with a side of green beans and cubed potatoes. I never had a big appetite after the diet I've been through for the past 10 years and I knew there was no way I could finish all this.

I had a few bites of it all- it tasted amazing but soon enough I found myself full. When you looked at the plate it looks like I barely touched it- but I was full.

"You're done?" The beta asked. He seemed a little shocked, I nodded to his question feeling inferior, nothing new. "But you barely ate…" I snuck up a look as he seemed to be connecting the dots in his head. He shook his head and went back to eating.

When he was done he took me back upstairs and dropped me off at the room and reminded me at 10 tomorrow he would get me.

I brushed my teeth and decided it was time to get some sleep. I looked at the bed and slowly climbed in. It was so soft- I wasn't used to it at all. Yet, despite how soft, I couldn't sleep. I got up out of the bed and took a pillow and the thinnest blanket and laid on the floor. I closed my eyes and awaited my nightmare-filled sleep.

Chapter 5 Topic To Be Discussed- A Mate "Mate…" Someone murmured against my skin. Instantly my eyes flew open. In the crook of my neck was Alpha Chris. He inhaled and I laid frozen in my 'bed'.

"I'm so lucky the Moon Goddess paired us together…" He slurred and it was then I smelt the alcohol on his breath.

Alpha Chris had two drunk modes: the affectionate, sweet, aloof Alpha or the cruel sadistic, brute of an Alpha. Even though the latter is how he treats me the majority of the time, it's like 10 times worse when he's drunk. And the worst part of all this is he can switch between the two in a heartbeat.

Werewolves had a high alcohol tolerance and the human type doesn't get us near the point of tipsy- so they had a different type of alcohol. It sucks that a fourteen-year-old knows that...

"My precious babykinny…..my lovely Violet...I love you so much…" He was slurring over everything he was saying and he started moving down my neck, his hands running over my scarred stomach.

He turned me over, as I was sleeping on my side, and started to take off my shirt.

"Baby...babykinny… you're gonna do your mate a favor, yeah…" He got up and I laid in fear. He started to fumble with his belt- and soon it fell along with his pants and his underpants

"Come suck off your mate.." He slurred. When I stayed for a second instead of obeying right away, his mood twitched. He reached down and yanked me up on my knees in front of his...region.

"When your Alpha tells you to do something, you do it! Now- be a good girl and please your mate." He demanded through his drunken state, gripped my hair, and started to force me on himself.

He groaned, "uhh, babykinny…"

---

I woke with a start, breathing heavily as I felt someone shake me. My eyes frantically landed on the Beta. He let go of my shoulders, and stood up, taking a step back.

"It's nine forty-five, you should get ready." He still had that monotone voice.

'Because he doesn't like you- no one does.'

"The clothes are in the bathroom, take a quick shower, or whatever, I'll be waiting out here." He directed and then went and sat on the foot of the bed.

I quickly got up, not wanting to disobey a beta, and went into the bathroom. I made sure to lock the bathroom door.

Of all my years, that was the one thing I was always sure about, locking the bathroom. My sanctuary, despite the harm I've done to myself in them. Alpha Chris would barge into my room all the time, but I learned no one came into my bathroom, except for once.

I quickly showered and got dressed in the clothes sitting on the counter. I was dressed in cotton undergarments, that was shockingly in my size, a long-sleeve dark brown shirt that was big on me, and a pair of black sweatpants that I had to roll a few times despite then being tied as tight as they could. ...Perks of being starved and tortured for over a decade...

I rolled on the pair of socks and quickly brushed my messed up hair. I was done and hurried out to the Beta on the bed- fearing the consequences if I was late. This is the Night Stone pack after all…

I followed the Beta, whose name I still do not know, blindly until we reached a large, dark brown door.

"Mallory." The beta spoke out as he knocked against the door. Mallory? Is that who's behind the door? Is Mallory the blue-eyed man?

A gruff reply sounded from the other side of the door, I couldn't make out exact words. The beta opened the door, motioned for me to walk in, and I did and saw an office with a man sitting at the desk, and a blonde-haired girl sitting on his desk. I was greeted with that sandalwood scent. He lifted his head and looked at me, the blue-eyed man.

"You are dismissed, Mallory." He told with a deep, steady voice. So, the beta's name is Mallory, then-

"Yes, Alpha." The beta- Mallory spoke.

...Alpha?...

My body quickly turned around in time to see Mallory leave.

...Alpha? Alpha Derek? He is the blue-eyed man?...

'You already knew that dipshit. He was the Alpha visiting Alpha Chris. And the man in the hospital. So fucking stupid…'

Panic was bubbling in my system and I felt the need to leave, be safe.

...Go to-...

My thoughts were cut off by voices.

"But Alpha… you said we could have some time together…" the blonde whined and she ran a hand down the Alpha's chest. I don't know why but I didn't like that she was touching him.

"Lindsay, I have to deal with business. I'll see you later." He told her as he removed her hand from his chest. He stood up and walked her to the door and I couldn't help as my eyes followed, he opened the door for her and she kissed his cheek, leaving.

I don't know what it was but I felt a mix of emotions flare in my chest. Jealousy, anger, and some unnamed ones.

I heard the Alpha smirk and I knew it was directed towards me. He walked back to his desk and sat down. I turned my head back to see the Alpha was staring at me with his blue eyes full of scrutiny. I immediately brought my gaze to the floor- he snapped his fingers forcing me to bring my eyes back up as he pointed to a seat in front of the desk.

Doing as he gestured, I sat down. I was uncomfortable knowing he was staring at me, I just kept my gaze on my hands that were fiddling with each other. My insecurities flared up and I felt my face heat up.

...Does he have a staring problem?...

"Yes, I most certainly do." The voice spoke.

...Wait- did I say that out loud?...

"No," He informed me. So curt. My face flushed at his comment. I don't know why, but I wanted to- no, I felt the need to look at him, so feeling like it would be best because he was surveying me, I lifted my head.

It felt like my heart sped up just by being in his presence, so looking at him- my oh my… The man had a defined jawline, straight, dark brown hair with thick, matching, arched eyebrows, a complementing nose, full pink lips that are paired perfectly with his olive complexion, and of course- those striking dark blue eyes. Definitely an Alpha.

'No dip sherlock- we don't need you to point that out, moron…'

"Violet." The man spoke. My name seemed to roll off his tongue and I loved it, I didn't know why but something in me got excited. My eyes flickered up to his briskly and I snapped my eyes back down when I felt the power oozing off of him.

"You're twenty-one?" He asked me. I meekly nodded. "Not much of a speaker I see, well, I'm not really either…" He grumbled.

A silence fell over us and somehow I was itching to break it.

"A-alpha…" I stuttered, my voice sounded small and weak.

'Shocker. Always have to stutter, if one Alpha wasn't enough, here's another to disappoint.'

A frown made its way onto my face at the voice. I snuck another look up and he had a curious look as to what I was going to say.

"A-alpha D-Derek, w-when w-will I g-go b-back t-to A-alpha C-Chris?" I stuttered out and by the end, I felt as if my face was burning- in embarrassment. That was one of the longest sentences I've said in possibly a few years…

"What?" He spoke with an agitated tone.

'There you go, make another mad, fucking moron…'

I felt myself shrink into the seat.

"What did you just ask?" He asked again, growing more and more pissed every passing second. When I didn't say anything back he spoke again, "Violet, I don't like repeating myself," he growled out and I flinched back, "what. Did. You. Just. Ask?" At this point, he was speaking through his clenched teeth.

I stuttered out a 'sorry'.

"When will you go back?" He chuckled and I felt my chest tighten a little bit. "Why would you go back?" He demanded an answer, and I moronically sat there thinking of a reason why I should go back to my abuser.

One word was ringing in my head, a word he always called me. One that graced my nightmare last night.

"M-mate…" My voice was quiet. "H-he's m-my m-mate… He'll b-be a-angry th-that-" my rambling was cut off by a growl. It was deep and resonating from the man across from me.

"Your mate?" He questioned, his voice held a lethal tone, and I was frozen in fear. "Flower, I told you once- I won't tell you again; I don't like repeating myself. Answer your Alpha when questioned." He demanded and I couldn't help as my mind compared him to Alpha Chris.

I nodded my head at his question, my eyes filling with tears.

"Oh, is he now?" He continued, "Violet, are you sure of your answer." I meekly nodded again, holding back a sniffle. "And I'm assuming he told you that- yes?" Again, I nodded, not being able to bring my eyes up to his.

I heard as he got up and walked over till he was in front of me. His brown shoes in my line of view and I averted my line of sight to my lap. My tears flowed freely as his hand shot out and grabbed my chin. I flinched back or tried to as his grip was hard. For a reason unknown to me, sparks were shooting where he was grabbing me.

...Just like the hospital...

He brought my face up and my eyes locked with his. Those dark blue eyes glinting with an emotion I could not name.

"Okay then, Violet," he practically spat my name, and I pressed my lips together to stop a sob from coming out, his eyes softened at my face, "tell me, when he touches you- do you feel sparks from his touch? Do you feel angry and jealous when you see him with another woman?"

...How...how did he know about that?...

"'How did he know about that?'" He mimicked. "Because -Violet-" he spit my name again, "sadly enough, I am your mate."

My heart ached at his words and it felt like my tears would never end. My eyes fell from his, my body was fighting every urge not to start sobbing. I put a hand over my mouth to help.

He let go of my chin with a small amount of force and he took a step back, leaning against his desk. My eyes fell to my lap, again and I squeezed my eyes shut to try and stop the tears, or at least lessen the amount.

"You cry a lot." He declared, a soft undertone was hidden there.

"I-I'm s-sorry…" I stumbled over every syllable, my voice breaking.

'Fucking- did he ask for you to speak? No.'

The sound of the door opening broke the silence that filled the room.

"Violet, come with me," A hand was placed on my shoulder and I flinched away but his grip stayed.

I recognized the voice as the Beta's and got up as he guided me out of the room. He steered me down a few hallways and then stopped.

"Violet, right?" I timidly nodded at him, "Violet, are you hungry? Breakfast? Brunch?" His voice seemed to be gentler.

I shook my head 'no' and brought my hand up to wipe my cheeks. My tears were slowing down, but haven't come to a complete stop.

"Violet, you have to eat. Come on," He brought me down to the kitchen, and even though I wasn't in the mood to eat he got me a glass of water and two hard-boiled eggs. I've never had hard-boiled eggs and they were quite good.

"I know you said you're not hungry, but it's not healthy to not eat. Plus the doctor gave a strict diet for you to follow. And then the Alpha gave me strict instructions for you to follow it," the Beta told me. I didn't respond.

I felt full from half of an egg, and when I was done he told me he would show me around the pack and house. I didn't really want to go but I was afraid of what would happen if I told him no.

"My name is Hamlin Mallory." He spoke up, "Mallory is what I go by though."

He was walking around and speaking as I trailed behind him and kept my head down.

"You know, Violet, you won't see what I'm showing you if you keep your head down." He told me as he stopped walking and I felt his stare on me. I lifted my head to him and his eyes softened.

"I know it's hard for you, I was lightly filled in on some topics- but I just want to let you know you can trust me. I'm not going to hurt you. And I know you don't trust that because of what you've been through, but I'm letting you know." He spoke in a sincere tone and I felt guilt eat inside me for not being nicer to him.

...Why do I always let my past rule me?...

'Because you're a pussy. You-'

...Shut up!...

'I'm not gonna 'shut up''

Despite the voices fighting in my head, I knew I couldn't just forget about everything and automatically trust someone, that's not how this works.

But I still nodded my head and he continued the tour, making sure I was actually looking up. He showed me the kitchen, the living room, the library, the indoor pool, the garden, and more, then he walked me to the packhouse.

I was growing tired but didn't dare mention it. He showed me around the packhouse that was filled with people and I couldn't help but notice the questioning glances I was receiving.

'How could a piece of trash like you, be in such a strong, respected pack?'

'Trash belongs outside.'

My head dropped at their comments. They're right.

I started to feel slightly claustrophobic in the packhouse. Mallory turned his head to me.

"Volet, are you okay? It's okay, let's head back…" He told me in a slightly panicked, worried tone.

We walked back to Alpha Derek's house, and he took me to my room.

"I'll let you have some time alone, then I'll come to get you in about an hour to get some lunch. We'll be discussing your clothing- something to look forward to." He spoke and then left me to myself.

I looked at the clock and noticed it was about one in the afternoon. I was feeling a little tired, so I walked to the spot from last night, laid on the floor, and rested my eyes.

Chapter 6 Cut Even though I was tired laying there, I couldn't sleep. So I thought. I thought about Alpha Chris and how I managed to be here.

To me it was odd, I couldn't remember Alpha Derek coming to the pack, but I remember seeing his eyes. I barely remembered the hospital, but I remembered the sparks when he grabbed me. I don't remember a lot of my childhood, but Alpha Chris was burned into my mind.

His hands, eyes, hair, smell, height, voice, everything about him. I hated it. I couldn't stand him.

'But you think about him?'

...It's not like-...

'Okay slut, then-'

A knock sounded at the door. I quickly got up, earning a headache from moving too fast, and rushed to the door. When I opened it Beta Mallory was standing there.

"Hey Violet, you ready?" He asked in a lighter voice.

I nodded and he took me down to the kitchen. We sat at the table where food was already set out. I noticed my plate had less food on it than his and I was grateful because I would feel bad wasting more food.

He started small conversations while we were eating. I finished quickly, like last time and soon the food was taken and he walked us out to the living room.

He sat on the sofa with a clipboard and told me to sit with him because he had something to talk to me about.

"Violet, do you remember I said we talk about your clothes. Now- Violet, it would make me feel like you're listening if you looked at me, or at least up." He wasn't mean when he corrected me. I looked up at him and he gave a soft smile.

"So, I'm going to ask you some questions about your sizes and what you prefer to wear. I'm going to assume you're a small, yes?" He questioned.

I nodded.

"Alright and how about shoe size, and bra size?" I felt slightly unco- well more uncomfortable at that question. I simply shrugged because, in truth, I didn't know.

"That's okay, someone can size you later…" He wrote down on his clipboard and my eyes couldn't help but stare.

I know if I was with Alpha Chris I would've been slapped unconscious for starring.

'Why is he any different?'

'Don't be so fucking disrespectful, you bitch!'

...I'm sorry…

'Don't be sorry, be better.'

Alpha Chris's famous words to me rang in my head and my eyes immediately fell from Beta Mallory's clipboard to my own hands positioned in my lap.

My interest in what Beta Mallory was talking about seemed to be slipping like sand through a sieve. My mind started to wander to my abuser. Not in the affection way, or in the way that I'm missing him but in a fearful manner because I felt so lost in what was happening.

Where was he?

Was he close to me?

Is he on his way to find me?

My mind physically hurt, I couldn't deal with it.

'You can't deal with anything.'

...Shut up!...

"Violet." Beta Malloy's voice snapped me back to reality, and I glanced up at him "I asked you, do you have any preferences when it comes to clothing? Like shorts or pants or like, short-sleeved shirts…" He trailed off with his question, hoping I got what he wanted.

I was hesitant with my answer, "um, l-long-sleeved s-shirts a-and p-pants…" I spoke in a low voice and I felt selfish for having a preference for what to wear. I felt like I didn't deserve to have what I wanted, no, I knew I didn't deserve it.

I chose long-sleeved shirts to hide my scars, especially my wrist. And pants, the same reason. I didn't have too many scars on my legs, I was just insecure.

"Alright," he wrote on his clipboard and again my eyes became glued to it. "Violet, how about nightwear? Any preference, the same…?"

I shrugged my shoulders, I felt like I was already too much of a snob. I knew I should've just kept my mouth shut.

'Oh, Violet, you can keep your mouth shut?'

'You always had it open for Chris…'

...That...that's not-'

'Shut up.'

'Your bruised knees speak for themselves.'

'Yeah, and even when your mouth wasn't on his dick, you always knew how to talk too much.'

...I-...

'Shut up, you tramp!'

'Too bad Chris never disciplined you enough to learn to shut up…'

"Violet, you're crying." Beta Mallory, for the second time today snapped me out of my thoughts.

I brought a hand up to my cheek to only be greeted with wetness. I was crying. I stumbled out an apology.

'Don't you know how to keep your mouth shut!'

"Violet, do you want to go upstairs or something?" His voice had a gentle tone to it.

'Cut.'

I nodded my head and sniffled as we got up.

'Cut.'

He led me up the stairs and to my room.

'Cut.'

He shut the door and I immediately ran to the bathroom. I noticed that the bathroom has been stocked with some beauty products.

'Cut.'

I practically yanked open the cabinets and drawers till I found it. Something sharp. Shaving razors. It seemed like the moon goddess was on my side because sitting right beside the pack of razors were blade refills.

I smiled.

My brain was pounding, my headache growing and it seemed like my hands weren't moving fast enough.

They fumbled along with the boxes and it spurted open like a can of worms. I grabbed a razor, closing the drawer, and sat on the ground by the tub. I quickly looked over to see if the door was locked. It was.

'Cut goddammit!'

I did. I put it and slid it along my skin. A relieved sigh escaped from my lips.

'Good.'

I made mark after mark. Scar after scar. I didn't stop until the voice in my head told me we were good.

Bit by bit I got up and cleaned my mess. I figured I couldn't get their white towels dirty, so I used some toilet paper and flushed it.

I washed my cuts and noticed the small crosses made in years time. They were formed when I started to do both horizontal and vertical cuts.

'Very pleasing.'

A sense of satisfaction washed over me at the voice's approval.

I pulled down my sleeves and went to lie down.

After a few hours, a tapping came at the door.

I went to answer it, and there was Beta Mallory. He gave a small smile, "dinner time!"

I followed him down and sat with him. I barely touched the food, even though I knew I needed it after just losing blood, I couldn't find it in me to eat.

Beta Mallory didn't really speak, but I felt his eyesight on my wrists. They were wrapped and I had a shirt over it but I didn't put it past his Beta self to not smell the blood. .After we were done, he walked me back up to the room.

I felt exhausted so I walked over to the spot on the floor. It was on the right side of the bed on the floor, so when you opened the door, you wouldn't see me. I laid and I knew that no matter how exhausted I felt, I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.

If I wasn't blessed with nightmares in my sleep, I didn't get any sleep. Lovely insomnia. Truly amazing.

My eyes were burning and I felt light-headed through-out the whole night. But I never got to close my eyes and drift away.

Chapter 7 Shift I went to sleep that night at around four-thirty in the morning. I didn't expect to wake up an hour later in immense pain.

My eyes flung open at the feeling of heat all over my body. My bones felt like they were breaking in every way possible.

A strangled cry immersed from my lips and tears clouded my eyes. I was struggling to breathe, the familiar weight on my chest appearing. I was sobbing, and I tried to get up. Bad idea. The pain ignited. A loud cry left my lips as I fell back down.

I couldn't breathe. I was gasping and sobbing and panicking. I tried to ignore the pain as I slugged over to the bathroom where I kept that inhaler the doctor gave me. I found it and with wobbly hands, I took off the cap and put it to my lips. I followed her instructions and pushed down so the medicine could come in and tried, tried to slow my breathing.

It wasn't working and I threw it on the tiled grown. My fingernails felt like they were breaking, and another loud cry left my lips. My body was on fire and I tried to pull off my pants, but again, any movement I did amounted in more pain.

I felt claustrophobic, I didn't know what was happening. With my heavy breathing and pounding head, I didn't hear the door burst open and the footsteps coming into the bathroom.

The light flickered on and through my teary eyes, Alpha Derek was standing there. He rushed over to me and kneeled.

"Flower, are you okay? What's wrong?" He rushed out and my only answer was my sob. I heard as he called for Beta Mallory. He reached his hand in his pocket and pulled out a phone. He was speaking quickly into it when Beta Mallory stumbled in.

"Der- Violet?" He voiced- confused.

He also kneeled beside me, along with Alpha Derek. Feeling squashed, I tried to back away, a grunt escaped my throat.

Beta Mallory reached out to grab me, I flinched away. He barely touched my arm and the feeling of a hundred knives pierced through my skin. A pained grunt left my lips at the motion."Just breathe, Violet." Beta Mallory attempted to soothe me. Attempted.

My sobs were harder. Another leg cracked.

"Just give her space." Doctor Reseda demanded.

The next few moments happened in a blur. Everything in me cracked. It freaking hurt. My clothes were torn, I felt my skin sprouting up hair. I closed my eyes.

When they opened back up- my vision seemed sharper. I shifted. I got my wolf. I looked down and was met with brown paws that matched the color of my hair.

I layed on the ground. My eyes quickly glazed over them. Beta Mallory had a surprised look on his face; Doctor Reseda has a concerned look on her face. My gaze made it over to Alpha Derek, his look was cold, his emotions not trespassing. I quickly glanced back down.

"She sure is…" Doctor Reseda trailed.

"Tiny." Beta Mallory finished for her. I felt insecure.

( 'Hello' )

I was shocked at the new voice in my head.

( 'I'm Sage, your wolf. I've been here for a while- sorry for taking so long to shift.' )

...It's...it's okay…

"Shift back." A cold voice demanded. Alpha Derek.

I whimpered at his tone.

"Alpha, that could be dangerous- it's her first-" Doctor Reseda got cut off by a growl.

"Did I fucking ask? Shift back." He sounded pissed that Doctor Reseda questioned him.

"Mallory, Reseda, leave." He demanded. They nodded and left, the sound of the door closing filled the air.

"Violet, shift, I'm losing what very little patience I have." He growled, earning another whimper from me.

...S...Sage...how do I shift back?...

( 'Just think about your human form, it'll be okay…' )

I did as she instructed, and next thing I know I was back in my human form.

I looked down at my body and realized I was naked. Immediately I scrunched my legs to my chest and covered myself with my hands.

I didn't have to look up to know he was staring at me, I felt the chill from it. My eyes started to cloud with tears as the voices started on with my insecurities.

'Oh no, does the big bad Alpha see how ugly your body is?'

( ''Violet, don't listen to them.' )

'What does the late wolf know?'

'Maybe Derek will get a right mind and start to add scars to your horrid body.'

'He probably doesn't even want a tramp like you.'

"Why are you crying?" His voice didn't even slightly change from his stone-cold tone.

I didn't answer him, I just muttered out an apology.

An agitated sigh came from him.

"Flower, you really, really fucking…" he trailed for a second and I heard some shuffling from him, "irritate me at times." I flinched at his statement.

"Here." A piece of fabric was tossed at my body. "Put it on. I'm really losing my patience."

I quickly put on the black shirt. It was huge. Noted he is a lot bigger than me- the shirt still engulfed me.

"Get up." He ordered. Obediently, I scrambled up, not wanting to displease him. As I stood the shirt took its form down my body.

...My ugly body...

Out of nowhere, Alpha Derek was in front of me. His hand reached out and took my chin- I didn't have time to react. He forced my face to meet him. He leaned in closely, his breath was fanning my face.

A whimper left my lips. A growl left his. My eyes were frantically searching for a place to look without being disrespectful. They landed on his chin.

"Look at me." I didn't. I kept my eyes on his chin. His growl became deeper. My eyes slowly trailed up to his. His beautiful blue eyes in slits.

"Don't fucking think of your body that way."

...How does he know that?...

A chuckle escaped his lips. A dark, fake chuckle.

"You need to learn how to fucking listen. I won't tolerate your disrespect. You obey your Alpha. Understand?" He seethed.

I nodded my head the best I could with his iron grip on me. It would bruise.

"Words."

"Y-yes A-alpha."

He roughly let go of my chin, yet he didn't move away from me.

I knew it was disrespectful, but I took a step back from him. My back ended up hitting a wall.

He took a step closer to me. My eyes couldn't leave him. Even as his eyes trailed down my body, and when they lingered at my exposed legs, my eyes followed.

He gradually looked back up to my face. He stared into my eyes- and I in his.

If this was Alpha Chris I wouldn't even think about it, yet here I was with Alpha Derek. Maybe it was because of my wolf, or maybe it was, as he says, we're mates. I still don't know a lot about them, and I know I'll have to figure out more information on the topic.

He leaned into my face again. My breath caught in my throat when I realized how close he was. My instincts were telling me to run as far as I could, to be scared, to be crying and begging him to not harm. Yet, I stayed. I blame my wolf who was telling me it was fine because he was our "mate".

He placed his hands on both sides of my face on the wall, caging me in- I couldn't help my flinch as he moved his arms. His head dipped down to the crock of my neck. His breath was hot despite his cold demeanor, and it fanned my levator scapulae. I cautiously let out a shaky breath.

He noticed and turned his head most slightly so his eyes met mine. My mouth slightly dropped and I blame it on him. I don't act like this, it was his fault I couldn't breathe right, every reaction was on him.

He rotated his head back down. I became embarrassed when he inhaled my scent.

It seemed out of nowhere, as I was stuck in the trance, he pulled his head up and back. He removed his right hand from the wall and grabbed my left hand. Sparks erupted at the snatching of my hand.

Fear decided to grace my mindset and I attempted to pull my arm away but his grip stayed and he growled at me. His warning was evident- but I still jerked my arm, trying to rid it of his hold.

"Stop." He growled.

But I didn't care. Alpha Chris would've already marked up my body with to-be scars, so I really shouldn't be testing a more powerful and authoritative alpha. But I didn't care. I didn't want him to touch my arm. I didn't want him to look at my arm. I didn't want him to see my depression marks. I didn't want him to see the fresh ones from last night.

I matched his words and mumbled out a cut-up 'stop'. He didn't stop, I didn't either. Tears started to form again. His strength overpowered mine and he pulled it out so it was completely visible to him.

He didn't turn it over, therefore he wasn't able to see my scars. His eyes trailed up my arm. He didn't see cicatrices - as the majority of them are on my back and abdominal region. Although he didn't see my scars, he saw my bruises and slightly growled at them.

He moved on to my other arm and was met with the same results. He deeply exhaled from his nose and let go of my arm- shaking his head.

My sight fell to the floor.

"Violet, how do you feel?" he asked, it was softer.

"I-I, um… I-I'm okay," I whispered.

"Okay, let's get you to bed, yeah?" He guided me off the wall and walked with me out of the bathroom and to the room.

"I-I c-can g-get it from h-here?" I muttered, still slightly shaky.

He looked at me, studying me. "Alright, goodnight, Violet."

He turned and left- the door slamming in the process. My wolf craved his presence the second he stepped away from me.

I looked at the nightstand alarm. It read seven thirteen.

I took a deep breath and sat down on the ground by the foot of the bed, my back resting against the bed. I brought my legs to my chest and hugged them.

My depression washed over me and I couldn't help as the tears slowly trickled down my face. The voices in my head started to debate, and my dejection soared.

Chapter 8 Episodes A week had passed since I shifted. I haven't seen Alpha Derek since and it's been torture for my wolf.

Beta Mallory would take me three times a day to get food. He would talk to me, even when I didn't verbally respond to him, he still kept the conversation going. I was starting to warm up a little to him, except a few days ago I had a small episode. He said it was a side effect of my trauma that I went through, he claimed it was hypervigilance mistrust.

I was, and still am, deeply embarrassed by it. Beta Mallory defended my incident by saying it was okay and understandable. I didn't believe him. It was humiliating to me.

Doctor Reseda made an appointment for me to go see her during the week for a checkup and Beta Mallory took me. He was asked to step-out for parts of the check-up. One of my worst fears came true when she was checking on my bruises and cicatrices- she found my wrist.

She became a little speechless when she found them. Especially the fresher ones. She told me of the jeopardy I was putting myself in, as the cuts were 'dangerously deep'. I mustered up what little courage I possessed and pleaded with her to not mention it to Alpha Derek. She told me she couldn't, that he had to know as it was her duty to inform him.

Therapy is what she insisted on.

She went over my wolf with me and I learned about mind link, shifting, and other things. She also gave me information on mates when I shyly asked. I then knew why Alpha Derek seemed to be able to read my mind. She told me there was a mental block I would have to put up if I didn't want him in my head. I was taught about marking, mating, heat, and how we would be able to feel the strong and most evident emotions in each other.

I was gaining weight very slowly according to Doctor Reseda. I think I went up two pounds. She was confused and did a few more tests and then I was able to leave. She also noted my stuttering has gotten better.

One night, Beta Mallory and I were having dinner. I was barely eating and he was talking to me. He asked me why I slept on the floor instead of the bed. For a while, I didn't answer him and silence filled the room. Slowly I gave him my answer, piled with blunders. It was because that's what I was used to. He just nodded.

Now I lay, burdened with insomnia. For a moment I debated on getting the sleeping pills Doctor Reseda gave me when she learned I wasn't sleeping at night. She, just as Beta Mallory, said it was due to my trauma.

I decided not. An urge for exploration filled me. For a while, I laid there and ignored the urge, but then my wolf started to beg.

Grudgingly I got up and put on a pair of socks before walking out. I didn't feel too self-conscious about my attire as I was wearing long pajama pants and a long-sleeved shirt.

'Long, covering clothing never stopped anyone before...'

I quietly, aimlessly walked through the halls of Alpha Derek's house. It was dark and the only noise was the soft scraping of my sock covered feet against the wooden floor. I peacefully walked downstairs and proceeded to pointlessly stroll.

Dark thoughts soon invaded my mind and struck a panic in me. Briskly I walked back upstairs and was going to head straight back to my room, but it seemed my feet had a mind of their own.

They took me down halls and stopped in front of a big brown door. Alpha Derek's office. I lifted my fist to knock but paused.

...What if he doesn't want to see me?...

I let out a shaky breath. I went to knock but suddenly the door opened. I wasn't expecting that and I just about hit the chest that was in front of me, instead, a hand grabbed my wrist.

'Not like you would've done any harm, weakling.'

I steadily raised my brown orbs to his blue ones. Once more, I blame the 'mate pull' for enough confidence to look in his eyes.

"Why are you up?" His voice was cold and mean.

To no surprise, I couldn't speak to him, my voice vanished to the back of my throat.

'Where Chris's dick's been? Slut…'

I couldn't help as I cringed, my eyebrows scrunching up.

"What's the face for?" He inquired, "and fucking answer." He growled when I made no attempt to tell him as I just whispered a shaky 'sorry'.

How could you tell someone about the voices in your head? You couldn't, I would feel beyond judged and after my episode, I wasn't looking for any more attention or stares.

He let out a deep, frustrated sigh and dropped my wrist. I brought them to the front of my abdomen and started to nervously twiddle them together.

Alpha Derek moved and opened the door wider and demanded I enter his office. I obeyed and again, he demanded I sit while he shut the door.

I sat down and he casually walked over to his desk and took his spot in his chair.

"Violet, Violet …" he tsked, trailing off and my mind flashed to Alpha Chris. He always did that right before I got into trouble.

I was back. I was in Alpha Chris's office.

He was tsk-ing my name. I started crying knowing that I was to be severely punished. My right hand found my left wrist and started to anxiously wringing it. Through my teary peripheral vision, I watched Alpha Chris get up and rapidly stalk towards me.

He reached out and grabbed me and I screamed. I shouted for help, and I tried to push myself away from him.

"A-alpha C-Chris…" I sobbed. I blubbered and cried for him to get away from me, but then he reached out.

"Violet!" He shouted and I flinched trying to back away from him. I was begging for him to stop, to not hurt me, to not touch me. But he grabbed me.

"Flower!" His voice changed. "It's Derek, you're fine. Chris isn't here."

I brought my hands to my eyes and tried to rid them of my tears. They didn't entirely disappear, but it made my sight better, less blurry.

Crouching down in front of me wasn't Alpha Chris. It was Alpha Derek.

My breathing slowed down to a normal rate and I took in what just happened.

Another episode.

'You're a fucking embarrassment.'

I was demeaned. Disgusted. Appalled. Shamed. Nothing but an ignominious, broken girl.

I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to go cry and cut.

I made to get up and leave but Alpha Derek called me.

"Violet, sit." He commanded me to do so, he used his alpha voice. I wouldn't-couldn't object.

I sunk back into my seat and my nails started to scratch my wrist. A habit when I couldn't nick myself with an actual tool.

Alpha Derek instantly grabbed my hand in a tight hold.

"Look at me." He growled. I brought my teary eyes to his hard ones. "Don't you ever fucking do that."

He yanked my wrist towards him and pushed my sleeves up so they revealed my self-inflicted cicatrices.

I yanked them back, but no result was formed, his grip only tightened. My eyes were rapidly blinking to clear tears as I looked at him.

"I don't know what you're trying to hide. I've already read Reseda's report." He pushed my wrist back and stood up to lean against his desk, all the while my eyes were glued to his.

"Insomnia, the disorder in which one has difficulties falling and -or- staying asleep." He defined although I already knew what it meant. Maybe not word for word but Reseda told me and I learned over the years. "Is that why you're up?" I timidly nodded.

"And you came here? At…" he leaned back and looked at the clock on the side of the wall, "two o'clock in the morning."

I had nothing to say. Maybe I was being rude by staring at him, but my gaze didn't leave.

"Yet- somehow in that silent mind of yours, you knew I was in my office." He had no clue how loud my mind was. Or maybe he did and wanted to jab at it.

He crossed his arms. "You're awfully silent. Some are silent until they're under me- then they're screaming for more" A frown made its way onto my face at his comment.

I couldn't help as my eyes watered, I felt like such a baby but it hurt and I couldn't help it.

I was hurt that he was talking about other girls he had in bed. My voices were calling me a hypocrite, the fact I was hurt for him having lovers when I wasn't a virgin. Deep down I knew they were wrong. I had no lover, I was violated. But I was no virgin, so why should he be?

...Would he still mark me?...

"I have no intention."

That stung. My eyes were so blurry

'No one wants damaged goods.'

'Even though nothing about you is good…'

"W-why?" I whispered.

"Why?" He chuckled. "Why? Why would I mark you? Hmm, let's see, why?" He pretended to think, tapping his chin deridingly.

My eyes fell from his face, pain filling my system, anticipating his next words. Yet, I knew what was coming.

"Why would I want you? You're a damaged flower. You're weak. Now- when you look at me, you can see, I am not weak. I am not frail, I am not skeleton-like." Tears sprung at my eyes and he continued. Please don't cry, I knew it was coming because of how blurry my eyes were.

"I-I'm s-sorry," I whispered out, utterly hurt and it didn't make complete sense. But I felt like I had to apologize to him like I did something wrong.

"When my people envision their Luna, they don't see you," he spat, "they see a strong, powerful woman, not some weakling that can barely talk."

I can talk. My stuttering has been getting better, just not in the presence of him.

I nodded my head. He was right.

"I-I'm s-sorry," I mouthed, my eyes dropping. My throat hurt. Just stop talking.

"And when you go back into your room, and your scarred self feels like adding to your collection- just remember you can't. All razors and any other possible hazards have been removed."

My heart strained. What would I do? That was my escape… I looked up at him with wide, hurt, teary eyes.

"A-Alpha…" I choked out. "N-no, p-please," I bit my lip, words were even audible to me at this point."

"No. End of discussion," he snipped.

He walked around to his desk and opened a drawer. He pulled out a prescription bottle and walked to his mini-fridge and pulled out an unopened water bottle. He handed me a pill and gave me the water.

I didn't want to take it. I knew they were sleeping pills. I glanced at the clock, three fifteen. I didn't want to sleep.

"Take it, Flower."

Something in me liked when he called me a flower. But moments ago he called me a damaged flower, now it doesn't have the same feeling.

Unwillingly I swallowed the pill and I held back tears doing so. I hated sleeping. I craved it, needed it but I couldn't have it. Fear was always breathing down my neck knowing Alpha Chris would be in my mind. His name alone frightened me. The envisionment of him was worse. Except they weren't visions- they were memories.

Alpha Derek walked to the door, commanding me to follow. It was pointless to sleep now. On average, a sleeping pill takes an hour to kick in, according to doctor Reseda, which means it would be about four when I would go under.

Pointless.

We arrived at my door. But I didn't go in. He went to walk away but noticed I didn't make an attempt to go in.

He huffed and walked over to me, glaring. He opened the door and pushed it a little. Still, no movement from me.

I couldn't describe it, but I wanted to be with him at the moment. Despite his berating me moments ago, I wanted his presence.

It's my wolf, not me. The mate bond, not me.

"Were you dropped on your head? Go." He motioned, his voice full of irritation.

I winced but didn't move.

'What the fuck is wrong with you?'

'Listen to your Alpha, you dipshit.'

My senses came back to me and my eyes bulged slightly when I realized what I was doing. Alpha Derek stalked towards me, in a threatening manner.

"You have the worst fucking respect." He growled.

My submissive side kicked in.

"Y-yes A-alpha, I-I'm s-sorry…" I bowed my head to him.

He was inches away from touching me. He did it in an authoritative tone, to remind me who was in control.

"Flower, I'll let you off. But by Goddess, you better knock some respect into that weak mind of yours or so help me, you'll despise the outcome." I quickly nodded my head at his threat.

"Now go and sleep, tomorrow Mallory will get you and take you to see a therapist." He informed me.

"Y-yes A-alpha…" I mumbled

"Good girl."

A sense of satisfaction washed over me at those words.

I did well. No beatings because I did well. I was a good girl.

But, I didn't want to sleep, I wasn't tired.

...I wasn't tired...

Derek sighed out, he gave me a long look, and I turned to go in the room so he wouldn't get angry. "Go put on some shoes, Flower." I looked down at my socks, that felt so random.

I did as he asked, throwing on some canvas shoes and walked back to him, he was leaning against the wall. He held out his hand. I furrowed my eyebrows at him. He saw that I was hesitant.

"Come on," he closed and opened his palm, and with much hesitation, I put my shaking hand in his. I was unbelievably nervous, and I didn't even know what he was going to do. He turned to start walking, taking me with him, down the stairs and he neared the door and a wave of panic washed over me.

I stopped walking, slightly scared of what was happening. He turned back to look at me.

"It's fine, Flower. Come on," he tugged my hand as he opened the door and my eyes were greeted with the dark sky.

No, I didn't like the dark. Alpha Chris would rape me in the middle of the night, sometimes when I could finally sleep. Traumatizing.

"I- uh, A-alpha," I whispered and subconsciously squeezed his hand as my heart rate picked up. "I-I-"

He looked at me and then at the open door before back at me. "Are you scared of the dark, Flower?" He raised an eyebrow at me, his tone surprisingly soft, I was so used to his cold demeanor.

I felt my cheeks heat up and I moved my eyesight to my hand in his. I meekly nodded, ashamed about it.

"It's okay, I'll be with you." He gave a small squeeze to my hand, it felt so sincere and my heart swelled. I swallowed and nodded and he started walking outside with me, holding my hand.

It wasn't as dark as it seemed, with Sage's presence, my senses were heightened. I could see the trees and the rocks. I was also checking every minute for signs of my tormentor.

"You said you couldn't sleep," he stated out of the blue, "sometimes when I'm not tired and I don't have anything to do, I go on walks around the pack."

I glanced up at him, warm that he was talking to me. I nodded, scared to talk because I didn't want to sound weird.

"I-I c-cleaned when I-I c-couldn' s-sleep in A-Alpha's pack," I added, my voice shaky. I heard him growl lowly and I swallowed.

"Is he the reason you don't like the dark?" he asked, his voice snippy.

I silently nodded, blinking, my eyes feeling heavy.

"Did he hurt you at night?" I shivered, fear making a physical appearance. He took it as my answer and I knew that I wouldn't have answered anyways. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head, my chest tightened.

"Let's turn around at this tree." I nodded along, feeling the pill take over me, I wanted to go to sleep, but I was scared. I didn't want to see Alpha Chris in my nightmares.

Sage wanted to sleep with Derek, and a small, tiny part of me wanted to. His hand felt so nice in mine.

"I-I'm s-sorry,' I whispered, drowsy as I saw the house through my tired vision.

He hummed in response, questioning me. "I'm s-sorry I-I didn't g-go to b-bed."

"Don't worry about it, Violet. I was probably gonna go on a walk tonight anyways. Alpha duties require a lot of 'inspections' as some call them."

I nodded but didn't verbally respond because of how tired I felt, my eyes were burning. I bit back a yawn as my eyes watered.

"Tired?" he asked me lightly as he noted my walking slowing down as we walked up the steps and in the door. I nodded. "Words," he added.

"Y-yes, A-alpha."

"It's okay, we're almost there," he took me up the stairs to go to the room. At one point he slipped his hand from mine and hovered over the small of my back. We got to my door and he looked down at my tired self.

"Goodnight, Violet," he whispered softly and my brain tried to register that but it was so drowsy, it just wanted to sleep.

"G-goodnight, A-alpha," he slowly put his hand on my cheek, his thumb lightly brushing.

He sighed out before he left and I went to the room, making my bed on the floor. I didn't know if Alpha Derek knew that I slept on the floor, and truthfully I was a little scared to know.

I went to bed closer to five. My mind terrorized me with memories of Alpha Chris.

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You were his. Alpha Chris’s. His property. His slut. His punching bag. For seven years, you endured his fists, his knife, his cock. You stopped feeling. Stopped hoping. Stopped being.

Then he came.

Derek. Alpha of the Night Stone pack. A man who kills without blinking. Who ripped his own father apart. Who rules with blood and silence.

He saw you. Broken. Bloody. Barely alive.

And something in him snapped.

Now you’re here—in his home, in his care, in his sight. He saved you. But he doesn’t coddle. Doesn’t comfort. He commands.

"Look at me," he growls, standing in your doorway, his dark blue eyes piercing through the dark. "Why are you on the floor?"

You don’t answer. You can’t. The words stick in your throat, the old fear rising.

He steps forward, boots silent on the carpet. "I said—look at me."

You lift your eyes—just barely—meeting his. And in that moment, you feel it. The pull. The bond. The spark.

He sees your tears. Sees your scars. Sees you.

"You don’t belong on the floor, Flower," he says, voice low. "You belong beside me."

He holds out his hand.

"Come with me."

Do you take it?