Chapter 1 1|Echoes

Extreme darkness has always been an enemy of mine. I hate not knowing what’s coming for me or what’s already there, but for the love of my life, I’m willing to face my fears. “Miss Zia,” my driver and closed-in security detail Erik called before I could slide out of the limo. Erik is like a father to me, but I know I’m giving him too much headache that Dad doubles his salary every year. “Come on, E,” I pouted, “it’s Calvin’s birthday. Give me some boost here.” At the age of forty-one, Erik is still as fit as a man in his thirties. He had to be in keeping up with my exceptionally stubborn behavior. He has no job other than to be with me - guard and protect me - all the time, which has proven to be a challenging task. Since I was thirteen, the bodyguards assigned to me quit even before the end of their first month in service. I’m an obedient child, you just have to make sure that the rules are in detail or I will find a loophole. “Boss said you are not allowed to party with these brats,” Erik mumbled, thick brows knitting together. My fingers itched to push the door open, as if the plush chair of this bullet-proof limousine is burning my ass. I chewed on my lip, Erik’s eyes narrowed to slits. Before I could open my mouth, he raised his glove-covered hands from the steering wheel, rubbing them over his face. I giggled, voicing out my argument. “Well, I am not here to party, aren’t I? I am here to give my present to Calvin… no partying.” With a shake of my head, I opened the door, knowing that I already won the petty squabble with my bodyguard. Huge trees in the space where Erik parked the car concealed it from the highway. The autumn breeze made me shiver as the sole of my Tom Ford heels touched the ground behind the Luciano manor. In this part of the estate, the only gleam available is the security lamppost that’s present every fifty meters. I know this place by heart, even in the absence of proper lighting, but I’m still grateful for the reticent light of the moonless skies. Erik slides out of the car, pulling his suit closer to his body, eyes scanning the perimeter like he always does. He looks calm and collected, but with the way his hands and body shift, there’s no question that he’s on guard. Prepared to take a bullet for me if he has to. “Where are you going?” I asked, hearing him trail behind me, taking on the route that will lead to the back entrance of the manor. “I am not allowed to leave your side,” he mumbled as a matter of fact. His boots and my shoes create crushing sounds against the dried leaves on the ground. I hummed, ducking when a shadow of a lowered tree branch blocked our path. “I will have sex with Calvin tonight. Are you gonna watch?” The old man choked on his breath, clearly taken aback by my crude words. I bite my lip, preventing a fit of laughter from erupting out of my chest. Erik cleared his throat, recovering quickly from his shock. “No, that would be… inappropriate.”“Ah, have you had sex before, E?” His deep intake of air made me giggle loudly. I knew he had no relatives, no wife or girlfriend. He’s been working as my bodyguard for seven years now, not even taking a day off. “I did.” I wasn’t expecting him to answer truthfully. I intend to make him uncomfortable, which I hope would cause him to trace back our tracks, back to the limo. “Uhm, was it good?” I asked, genuine curiosity twisting my attempt to provoke him further. “You silly child,” he hissed, giving up on my teasing. “It won’t work this time so stop asking me unladylike questions.”“You’re no fun,” I huffed, smiling as the clearing came into view. My heels stabbed on a few dried leaves, piling like skewered, unhealthy vegetables, so I had to remove them. Erik offered his forearm, giving me something to hold on to while I took off my shoes. “I was wondering, Miss,” Erik asked as I stood on my bare feet. The cold grass tickled my toes while I plucked the skewered leaves one by one, crushing each out of my expensive shoes. “Where’s your gift for Sir Calvin?”“In my dress pocket.” I held onto his forearm again, putting on my shoes. We walked side by side through the clearing, halting a few times to evade the passing guards like they were mere street passers on a casual day. It helps that this manor is practically an extension of my house, knowing every hidden exit and safe passage like it was a kid’s obstacle course in a park. “I don’t even want to ask what it is,” my accomplice grumbled under his breath. I chortled, gazing at the old man with a telling squint in my eyes. The loud rock music breaks the silence of New York air as we get closer to the main house. Screams are getting clearer, chatter and scent of wild party evident in the air. I dread what the outcome of the Luciano manor would be in the morning. Knowing Calvin, he’d probably have everything cleared before his parents arrived from their business trip to Sicily. We headed straight to the rear entrance. But seeing that guest crowded the kitchen as well, I had to stop and think of a way to get into Calvin’s room without getting caught. Their security might have allowed every drunken student from our college to pass through, but I’m sure none of them will give me the same leeway. My parents are the coolest in the world, apart from the fact that I am forbidden to party, that is. In my deep thoughts of how to get in, I didn’t notice that a guard caught a glimpse of me. “Miss Zia,” he called, whatever his name was. I hate that everyone in this manor knows who I am. Sometimes I just want to blend in with the crowd like a chameleon. “What are you doing here?” The young guard wearing the same attire Erik has on approached us. Think Zia… fast. “Hey.” I approached him before he could call it in. “Uhm, I’m just here to see Calvin… please don’t-” I gasped, seeing Erik choke the security guard while I rumbled with my words. “E?!” I hissed. Panic coursed through my system, watching him drag the breathless guy behind the bush that surrounds the manor. “What?” Erik rolled his eyes, a cute manner he does when he’s annoyed. “Your word has no power here. Can you climb to his room?” I smiled, realizing he was indeed helping me. “You’re the best, E,” I giggled, sauntering further through the east side of the manor where Calvin’s room is located. It’s on the third floor but rock climbing is a pastime of mine, so it’ll be easy for me to reach it, and safer it seems. Reaching our destination, I hand over my shoes to Erik. They serve no purpose anymore even if they complete the sultry look of my smocked mini dress. I began climbing, setting one foot on the windowsill while my opposite hand reached for the upper sill. This part of the manor remained closed off to the guest, because it’s where the residential rooms are located. The Luciano’s are particular with valuing their privacy. Without sweating much, I reached the ledge of the second floor and breathed out as I paused on the balcony. Erik was still on guard down below, holding my shoes. I gave him a salute when he looked up, making sure I was safe. I continued to climb, using window sills and ledges as my leverage, until I reached the balcony of Calvin’s room. The lights are off from all the adjacent rooms and I plan on waiting for him here, enjoying the gentle icy breeze swaying my hair. I stood on the edge of the space, giving Erik another salute, a signal for him to disappear for a while. Luciano manor has a better view of the city that never sleeps. I inhaled deeply, relishing the beauty of the New York City skyline. My hands burned a little from the climb. I love it; I love every second of exerting effort in gaining what I’m aiming for. Basked in the darkness, not even ten minutes into my waiting mission, a commotion broke off from Calvin’s room. My heartbeat doubled at the thought of finally giving in to my body’s desire. Calvin and I have been together since I was sixteen, the beautiful outcome of being betrothed to him. A lot of women in this modern time might reject the idea of arranged marriage but not me, because I actually love my husband-to-be and he loves me the same. The lights remained off, but I was sure that he’s the one who entered his room. The balcony doors are open, allowing the cool breeze in while letting the sound out. His laughter crooned, sending jolts of electricity through my entire body. This is it. We’re finally doing the deed. One foot in front of the other, I padded across the platform to enter his room but froze when I heard another laugh - a giggle - a flirty one - following Calvin’s. The girl’s laughter stopped, and a moan followed. The sensual sound of mouths sucking one another echoed louder than the blaring music on the west side of the manor. My heart, my poor heart, is breaking. I can hear it, it’s louder than the church bell on Sunday morning. ~ AN Hi love, thank you for checking out my book. Don’t forget to follow me on lnstagram Castiel_lj. xx

Chapter 2 2|Fall

My fiance’s room housed the cacophony of their moans. Her whimpers of pleasure mingled with his grunts of satisfaction. She screamed his name; he groaned hers - Ashley, that is her name. For a moment, I wished I reached the wrong balcony, although I am a hundred percent sure that I didn’t. For a moment, I hoped I heed Erik’s request of waiting in the morning when the party is all over to come and see him. It lasted for hours, maybe minutes, but who the hell cares? Clearly not them. I backed up on the wall beside the sliding door, needing something to lean on to, looking up at the sky, loving and hating it at the same time. I loved this place; I loved this room; I love the man fucking Ashley, only a few feet away from me. The sound of the headboard banging against the concrete wall is deafening. His commands to her to get into every position are loud and clear because his bed is just on the other side of this wall where I am frozen. I wanted to leave the moment she came for the first time - with his mouth - I knew because she screamed so. But my feet won’t move on their own accord. It seems that my body is doing what it wants to do, all at its own will, because I am very uncoordinated at the moment. I think my heart dropped to my feet and my brain melted or evaporated somehow. Who in their right mind would listen to her fiance fuck another woman, anyway? No one, just some idiot named Zia. I regret wearing an almost lingerie kind of dress, it’s not helping me keep my body warm at all. So this is heartbreak. The glacial sensation that bathed my frame is colder than the experience I had climbing Mt. Everest. It’s more painful than the prickle and muscle soreness I gained when I did my first attempt at cliff diving. This has got to be tougher than holding my breath 50 feet underwater, free diving with whale sharks. I closed my eyes, taking a sharp inhale and exhale. No wonder some people hated ‘Love’. After a while of banging, moaning, and grunting, the silence of the night finally prevailed again. I wasn’t crying. No, at least not until I got home. What remained was their ragged breathing while I held mine. Now that they are done hammering each other, I fear that my shallow puffs would give away my location. “So…” Ashley was first to speak. “What happens to us now?” Her voice is as sultry as ever, raspy from all the screaming but still sexy as it could ever get. “What do you mean?” Calvin answered. Ashley’s giggle accompanied the shifting echo of the mattress. “Stop, Cal… God, where do you get the stamina…” Calvin chuckled. “I mean, you said you are engaged to that flat board. Will you call off the engagement so we could be together?” Silently, I was hoping he would at least defend me from her insults. But if I thought hearing them have sex was the worst part, well damn, I was wrong. “No. The wedding will take place as planned, Ash. My parents will disown me if I don’t push through with it.” The girl huffed, “then what about me?”“What do you mean, what about you? We’ll still see each other, you know how much I love you.”“I don’t want to be your mistress,” her voice elevating away from the sultry tone. Oh, now she dared to act as if the idea of being his secret lover enrages her? What title would she give herself right now, then? “Come on, Ash, we talked about this,” Calvin pleaded. “Five years and I can divorce her. Just give me some time, babydoll.” At that moment, I couldn’t stop my tears anymore. How could he utter those words? It seems like I was living a nightmare. I don’t want to believe anything that’s coming from his mouth. The boy I loved since I was sixteen, the man who made me smile whenever I am sad… planned all of this? I wiped my tears, having enough of their conversation. There’s just so much I can bear and I’m sure if I hear another betrayal from him, I’d go in there and do something I would regret. With shaking legs, I climb on the handrailing of the balcony. The sweat on my palms made it hard for me to grab hold of the marble surface, making me lose balance and slipped off. Oh fuck. Both of my hands grabbed hold of the railings as I tried to pull myself up. Since I acted on impulse, I’m too far from the wall for leverage. I looked down to the second floor’s balcony and to where Erik stood guard earlier, glad that he wasn’t there anymore or he would probably raise an alarm to the entire manor. I breathe out, swaying my hips to reach the bottom rail with my feet. The stiff wind slipped through my dress, making me shiver. My clammy palms are slipping further, I can feel it, the weight of my body is hanging on my fingertips as I try to sway my feet once more on a make it or break it attempt. When my hand slipped and my foot didn’t get a good footing on the bottom rail, I knew I was in for a fall. I closed my eyes, preparing myself for a dreaded impact, but powerful hands gripped mine. I looked up to the person holding my hand, but because of the darkness, I could barely make my savior’s face. Begrudgingly, I hope it’s not Calvin. I’d rather take the fall than be saved by him. The strong arms pulled me up as if I weighed nothing, and soon I was standing on the ground again, heart thumping wildly. The same hands that saved me covered my mouth, stopping me from uttering a word when I had no intention of making any sound. He smelled of cigarettes and alcohol, but the powerful scent of cedarwood and fresh rain somehow calmed my nerves. I nodded my head, conveying to my savior that I won’t utter a word. He held my wrist; I was sure he’s a man… a well-built man to be able to haul my 5’5 height and 126 lbs like a sack of cotton. My savior tugged me along with him to the edge of the balcony. We are looking over the room beside Calvin’s while the pair inside the room continue to talk and giggle. He let my hand go, hopping off of the balcony, jumping towards the other side like he’s a mass of air. His shadow, by the help of the dull skies and security lights on the ground, motioned for me to jump as well. It’s a good 40 feet high, a dare to fall versus standing here and continue to listen to Calvin and Ashley. May the odds be with me. I lift my shaking legs, climbing on the railings again, the wind swaying my hair as I stare at the stranger’s open arms. With a deep breath, I held it in and sprinted forward, breathing out as I felt his powerful arms engulfed me again, saving me from falling. He chuckled, the sound so deep and sensual. He placed his palms on the small of my back, guiding me inside the room that accompanied the balcony we jumped onto; the lights flickered on with the clap of his hand and my eyes almost bulged out when the face of my savior came to light. “X?” He smirked, walking towards the minibar, pouring himself a glass of bourbon. I shuffled on my bare feet. Now the idea of the 40 feet fall is rather alluring than being in the same room as my supposed-to-be brother-in-law. “Here,” his voice, his presence, it changed since the last time I saw him. I swallowed hard. His company doesn’t only drag forward uncomfortable feelings, but a lot of emotions that I wanted to bury in the past. My eyes scanned the room instead of focusing on him, studying everything around him. “Zia?” he called, now only a foot away from me, pulling my gaze from scrutinizing the war painting hanging on the wall adjacent to his bed. “T-thank you for saving me.” I reached for the glass of alcohol he’s offering with both hands. The gentle touch of our skin, now that I am aware of who he is, fuels the shivering sensation I’m nursing further. He shrugged his shoulders, unaffected by my uneasiness, turning back on me to sit on the couch across from his bed. Everything is black, white, and gray, the opposite of Calvin’s colorful room. It’s almost bare since he hasn’t been here since the funeral. He lifted the rock glass into his lips, the umber liquid flowed smoothly from his lips down his throat. I was ogling him - I realized - so I averted my gaze from him. His eyes remained on me - watching as I shifted on my foot, eyeing his bed, needing to sit. The adrenaline from the almost fall is threatening to wear off any minute now, and I’m afraid my legs would give out. The mattress dipped under my weight; I lifted the glass to my lips, aware of his watchful eyes as I stared at the same war painting. “You’re welcome,” he said, finally done with silent watching. “Hm?” I turned my gaze back to him, finding him still staring at me. Crap. My make-up must’ve been smudged by now. Double crap! Awareness washed over me. Because of the style of my dress, I must’ve looked like a slut that came to seduce his baby brother. I pulled down my skirt to the farthest that it could reach, and crossed my legs. “H-how did you know I was at Calvin’s?” his name, that liar’s name, I almost choked uttering it. Xavier didn’t speak, he didn’t have to. His gaze is telling, he knows… I lowered my eyes, staring at the remaining brown alcohol on my glass, and took the courage to finish everything. My face crumpled at the strong liquor that buried my throat, shaking my head, wishing the effect would give me more… “You saw everything?” Xavier nodded. Well, fuck.

Chapter 3 3|Shiny Packets

My throat is as dry as a desert under the scorching heat of the sun. It’s painful to quaff down air. My mouth can’t even produce its own moisture to relieve the searing pain caused by the dryness of my throat. I didn’t know how my night turned into this embarrassing nightmare. First, I heard my fiance fuck his secret lover and promised to divorce me five years after our marriage so that they could be together. Second, I am acclaimed to be an excellent climber and almost fell 40 feet because of my weak gripping. Third, I am facing Xavier, fiddling like an uncomfortable idiot. I feel so small that I wanted to shrink into his gray sheets. “Uhm…” I cleared my throat, setting the empty rock glass on his bed, reaching for my phone inside my dress pocket as I stood. “I better leave, E must be waiting for me.” As I fished out my phone, the condom I packed and aimed to use tonight spilled out as well. All five shiny packets landed on the floor, scattered around my reddening feet. What did I do in my past life to deserve this humiliation?! I lifted my eyes from the floor, eyes almost bulging out from the socket of my skull, to look into Xavier across from me. His eyes darted from my face down to the ground. The edge of his thick brows lifted in a questioning twist. His lips remained pressed in a thin line. Only then did I get to study his features. It has been five years since the last time I saw him. Back then, he was lost like me at that time from losing Nadia. His physical appearance changed, that is for sure. His chest and biceps made the gray shirt he’s wearing look as if they belong to a teenager ten years younger than him. The way his jeans hugged his obviously well-defined legs made me swallow even harder. When his eyes, reflecting the shade of a copious field of grass, lifted from the floor, blatantly gliding along my bare legs to my physique and reached my eyes, my world shook in tremors. He’s studying me the same way I was regarding him, and I can’t look away. It seems like everything around us stopped moving. I held my breath, holding on tight on my phone under his scrutinizing gaze. A strand of his chestnut hair, straight and seemingly soft, fell on his face. I wonder how it would feel to thread my fingers through his locks. What the hell, Zia? I drowned in his eyes that I almost forgot about the condoms shining on his carpeted floor. I chuckled awkwardly and drew my gaze from his alluring stare. “Do you want to use them?” My hands shoot up to my mouth. Oh, my freaking hell! Kill me now! Xavier’s brows knitted together, his eyes squinting, yet his full lips tugged in a smirk. “I-I mean, if you want these,” I gestured to the subject matter of this monologue of mine while I stood uncomfortably, pulling my dress down, running my fingers through my wavy disheveled hair, “you can have them. My fiance already had his ‘fun’, I got no use for these anymore.” Xavier nodded his head. I sighed, thankful that he didn’t want to make this monologue as awkward as it already is. “We can use it.” My eyes snapped, looking at him, shocked. I could practically feel my jaw brushing the floor. He chuckled, shaking his head from side to side. “Chill, Zia. I’m kidding.” He stood up from the couch, walking towards the bar for a refill. The way he moved with so much finesse mesmerized me, his muscles flexing under that fitted clothing of his. I shook my head, pushing these thoughts aside - which would only lead to inappropriate concepts. This must be the effect of everything I’ve been through for this night. “Zia,” I realized Xavier was regarding me with a worried look. “Come here, have a drink with me.” He motioned me to sit with him on the bar, giving me his familiar smirk, the kind that made girls fall all over his feet. Oh, I got the playful X back. I smiled, sighing in relief as I neared him, passing over my glass. He ruffled my hair, the same way he did before… before Nadia. We were close, the four of us, Xavier, Calvin, and my older sister Nadia. Everything changed when my sister died, OD’d at a party, that’s why my parents never allow me to go to parties. Nadia and Xavier were supposed to get married that year. Two weeks before their wedding, a funeral took place instead. “How have you been?” I asked, releasing the tension within me. We drifted apart - Xavier drifted apart from me and Calvin after the accident. He traveled around the world, cut off his communication with everyone, and never came back since. He slid over the glass; the refill wafting inside the crystal as I caught it with both hands. “Better.” He lifted the glass on his lips while I seamed my thumb over mine. “What’s your plan now?” My wedding with Calvin is supposed to take place in ten days. Maybe it’s the reason Xavier came home. I sighed, wondering the same thing. Most people at this age would think that arranged marriage is so overrated. It is in a sense, but I never argued nor protested against it. I love Calvin - so much - and we’ve been together since we learned we are to be husband and wife when I reach the age of twenty-one. I never asked for the reason they betrothed Nadia to Xavier, or did I ask why I was betrothed to Calvin that same year after she died. We trusted our parents’ choice, and now I might need to ask them why. “I can’t marry him, X,” I threw him a glance before tilting the glass to my lips, downing the alcohol as if it was water. He hummed, refilling our glass again. “D-did you love Nadia?” his glass paused mid-air, hanging in there for a second before it continued its path to reach his lips. Xavier chuckled, as if my question is a stupid one. “Why do you ask?” I shrugged, “just curious,” waving the question because it was an impossible shot. I didn’t wait for his answer and refilled my glass before downing it again. He’s watching me. I can feel his gaze, but I need to get drunk. It’s good to talk to him, but the pain of Calvin’s betrayal is gradually sinking in. I can hear them, they’re going at it again like bunnies. Blocking the sound of their moans and screams of satisfaction is impossible. I can’t pretend to be oblivious because that’s just not who I am. On the tenth refill, I slammed the glass with enough force to crack it to tiny specks. I stood from my chair, the stool wobble, ready to make my presence known to my fiance and his lover. “Nadia and I,” Xavier spoke then, forcing me to glance at him. He was looking straight into the shelves of expensive liquor behind his minibar, bask by rich yellow light. “What we had isn’t love.” His words rendered me speechless. Honestly, I never expected him to talk about Nadia. No one from our families ever talks about her, even my parents. Her death took its toll on everyone - the significant and sudden loss of the talented and well-loved Nadia Walker. I slumped back in my seat, realizing what he’s trying to do. I reached for the bottle of bourbon and refilled my glass again. “She’s my best friend.” The sudden urge to slap myself sipped within me. We remained silent, the sound of sex coming from the other room long forgotten as we both reminisced about what Nadia meant to us. “She was mine too,” I said, reaching for Xavier’s hand, pressing it gently. I released a chuckle, shaking my head, pulling back my hands. “I miss those days,” I added, “when the two of you would tag me along in your supposed to be dates, I was always the third wheel.” Xavier glanced at me tellingly, but he masked it with a smirk, ruffling my hair once more. He knew it annoys me to death when he touches my hair. “X,” I grumbled, swatting his hands. “I better leave.” I grabbed my phone and tried to look straight into the screen. My sight was wavering and when I stood up, the floor seemed to turn into marshmallows. Powerful arms wrapped around my waist, keeping me steady. “You’re drunk.” I shook my head, placing my hands on his shoulder. “Nope. Me is good.”“You’re definitely drunk,” Xavier pointed out, taking the phone from my hand. “I need to call, E. He can catch me if I jump.” Xavier laughed. The sound is so familiar and soothing. “Come on.” He scooped me in his arms after tucking my phone in his pocket. “Did you take the secret passage through the forest?” I hummed a yes, wounding my arms around his shoulder. “You can’t carry me out, my parents will kill me.”“Don’t worry.” He was already walking down the hallway. “I got your back.” I giggled, “you have my entire body.” His intake of breath surprised me, but I remained silent, savoring the feel of being in the air until we reached the passage where we came in. “X.”“Hm?” I toyed with his shoulder length hair, enjoying the silkiness between the gaps of my fingers. “Is my boobs not big enough?”

Chapter 4 4|Beneath the Maple Tree

Hang-fucking-over. I hate it. I was never one to hate the world. In fact, I love mother earth, being under the scorching heat of the sun with sweat gliding down my skin. Even the snow on the mountains that would chase my breath away the higher I climb. I love every season but autumn is my favorite one. It turns the landscape into burning orange, red, and brown until all the greens are gone. Now, I hate the cold wind that’s passing through the slightly ajar balcony glass door. It’s so damn cold, freezing my broken heart that needs healing. I also love being around people. I travel every now and then to meet people around the world and learn about their culture. Now, I just want to be alone. For once in Zia’s happy life, I wish to be a nomad, a vagabond. Maybe even disappear, get a new name and forget the old me. So this is heartbreak. It fucking sucks! The swelling sensation around my eyes is a bitch. That cheating bastard doesn’t deserve my tears, but still, I am crying like a pig. A knock on my door sounded, followed by my mother’s sweet voice. “Zia, honey?” I pretended to be sleeping, hoping she would - for once - believe that I am still snoozing at six in the morning. “I’m coming in.” The gentle tapping as she entered the code to my room, and the silenced wheezing of the door followed her announcement. The soft padding sound of her running shoes on my Persian carpet made my heart sink deeper to pain-vile. She’s here, waking me up like she does every day. It means everything really happened last night. I was hoping it was just a dream, that Calvin remained loyal to me, to our engagement, but no. And it hurts so much. I dreaded how to tell my parents that I will not go through with our wedding set nine days from now. Why? Oh, because I heard him fucking Ashley. Plus, I heard that slut called me a flat board, and he didn’t even bother to defend me. And oh, moreover, Xavier saw everything and God… I could go on and on. I thought a hangover should be the cause of temporary amnesia of things that happened the night before. Why am I remembering everything so vividly, like a sloppy movie playing over and over in my head? “Honey?” Mom set her hands on my ankle, pressing gently. My limoncello scented duvet serves as my cocoon, hiding my hideous swollen face from my mother’s scrutinizing gaze. “I know you’re awake, Zia. We need to choose the cake for your wedding today.”“Mom,” I croaked, still concealed by the duvet. “Can I skip today? I went to Calvin’s party last night, I don’t feel good.” She gasped, probably shaking her head in disappointment. “Your father will hear about this.” Honestly, his anger at me breaking the rules is the last of my concerns. I wonder how he’ll react to knowing that no wedding will happen anymore. They’ve already spent an entire fortune and most of all, the humiliation that will come after this. They have invited all their business associates to this wedding, even a few politicians will be there even if they don’t know who Calvin and I are. I know my parents love me, but this must be the first time I’ll disappoint them. I just hope they’ll understand. Mom sighed, “we need to meet Francine at ten, be ready by then, baby.” I hummed a yes as she patted my legs before leaving my room. Tears drenched the white feather pillow where my face rests. I can’t control my tear ducts from spilling liquid out of my eyes. I don’t like it, but I allowed myself this little ease, hoping it would lessen this heaviness in my chest. It’s so hard to breathe, as if I’m drowning in air. ~~ Cake tasting was dreadful and to add to that, Francine invited us over for a luncheon at their manor. I do believe I’m cursed. The distance provided by the agarwood dining table is not enough to hide the anger I’m feeling for him. This pain his betrayal brought me, the pain of him being too gorgeous to be a liar, a cheater, is consuming all my restraints. His eyes, so blue like the deepest part of the ocean, are my weakness. When he smiles, his dimples never fail to smitten my poor heart. I hope he can’t see the mist forming in my eyes while he talks business with Pier and my father. He’s so into it, as if he really wanted to become my husband. He glanced at me, and boy did my heart turn into a puddle of melted wax, creating another version of my heart, a fuming heart. It solidifies to a new form, not the same one melted by his love, but the one molded by his betrayal. ‘Are you okay?’ he mouthed across from me, pulling his gaze away from his father who began talking about the pipelines in Mexico, a business venture that will start with my betrothal to his son. My fork stabbed the rib eye steak. The sound startled my mother beside me, giving me a questioning gaze. I smiled at Calvin, swallowing the steak which tasted like a spoiled egg, making my face scrunch. I swallowed everything - my pain, my pride, my tears - through the hour-long lunch. It was pure torture. Glad that my parents never deprived me of alcohol. It helped me survive staring into his soft curls, messy and sexy, a few strands falling on his forehead. The way his elegant fingers tucked the wayward locks behind his ears, as it glides along his skin. I used to imagine how he manages to be that gorgeous without trying, how his cheeks brighten every time he sees me. But now, I wonder if it is me he’s thinking every time he kisses me with those full lips. Every time his hands would touch me. I can’t take it anymore. “Excuse me,” I announced. Our parents paid me no mind - glad for it - as they dive deeper into talking about business while sipping their wines. My heels clicked into their exquisitely marbled floor, fast tapping that echoed through endless halls of paintings by Francine. All about her two sons that made her proud. Will she still be proud of Calvin if she learns of his betrayal? I passed through the kitchen, heading directly to the garden. My lungs direly need fresh air because the sight of Calvin’s beautiful face is suffocating me. Guards greeted me along the way. Some did a double-take on my appearance, but I gave no shit about them. I want to cry. I want to scream. How could he do this to me? I reached the pond, the one where we used to spend our afternoon every weekend. Everything about this mansion reminds me of our happy times together. Was any of those times even real? My hands pressed on the rough bark of the maple tree, exactly where his name and mine are trapped within the carving of a heart. I clearly remember that day when he carved this. A sunny day, yet it magically rained on us. The rain hid my tears while I sat on the wooden platform, sobbing like hell for missing Nadia. It was a month after she died and our parents told us we are meant to wed when I turn 21. He promised to never leave me alone, that I’ll always have him. It was then that I fell in love with him, that I knew my parents’ decision was for the best because he is kind and caring, and gorgeous as hell. Fuck this place. I wiped the beads of moisture that formed on the side of my eyes, clearing my throat. “Are you okay?” I stiffened at hearing his voice, the same voice who told me he loves and the same one who told Ashley he loves her. His hands wounded around my waist, my back pressed perfectly against his front. The sensation of his lips raining gentle kisses on my bare skin, just right on the crook of my neck, made the tears that I’ve been suppressing flow. “You look beautiful today, babydoll,” he mumbled. His nose glided along the path to the underside of my earlobes. ‘Babydoll.’ It’s the same endearment he called Ashley last night. He never calls me that, I have always been just ‘baby.’ Not ‘babydoll.’ “I was here last night,” I said, concealing the shudder of my voice. His mouth’s venture on my skin halted. The hands that trapped me against him tightened. “You didn’t tell me.” I have to applaud him. He’s good, so fucking good. “I was about to.” He pulled my hair, pushing it in a bunch to my front so he could have more access to the columns of my neck. “Did you get caught?” He chuckled, planting open wet kisses on my skin. I scoffed, realizing that he clearly knew less about me - my abilities. “No.” I grabbed his hand, turning to face him. His blue eyes - those pretty blue eyes - stared into mine, widening. There’s no doubt that he can see my pain. I have no desire to hide it anymore, not from him. I want him to know how painful it is to be cheated on, how he broke my heart. There’s no fear in me even if he sees me crying. He deserves every ounce of my anger. “Zia,” he tried to reach for me. The sound of my palms cracking against his cheek had enough strength to make him take a step back. “How long have you been cheating on me, Calvin?” His palms shoot up to his cheeks, red from the result of my violence. I’ve never been a violent person, but I hope heaven would forgive just this once. “Zia, I’m sorry…” He’s not even denying it. I don’t know if it’s good, but I’m damn mad, beyond pissed. “Why, Cal?” He lowered his eyes and then looked back at me with newfound fire and determination. “We can work things out.” I scoffed, “are you serious?!” He nodded. “Ashley is pregnant. I can’t just abandon her, I can’t break her heart because it’ll affect the baby.”“A baby?” This is madness. Calvin nodded, “I don’t love her.” He reached for my hands, but I slapped his palms away, stepping back until my backside touched the tree. “It’s you I love, Zia.” I laughed at his confession. Those words always make my heart flutter every time I hear them. Five years, we’ve been engaged since I was sixteen, dating since then, but now everything meant nothing. “Don’t think for a second that I will fall for your tricks.” His pleading gaze further deepened my anger. “No wedding will happen, I’ll give you the chance to create a lie - that’s what you’re good at anyway - to tell our parents about it.” He raked his curls, pulling them from his scalp. “Come on, Zia. Dad will disown me!” I scoffed, “that’s not my problem.” I skirted past him, wiping my tears, but his hand came around my wrist, stunning me. My back slammed on the tree, his body caging me. I didn’t have time to mumble a protest. His mouth crashed against mine, needy and demanding. We’re far off from any guards making rounds throughout the manor. Part of me longed for him to kiss me like this. Yes, we kissed, but it’s merely a smack on the lips all the time, apart from that day when he gave me this engagement ring. It felt so heavy. The weight of this relationship built around lies is getting heavier by the minute. He tasted bitter and sweet, like his love, like my love for him. I can taste his desperation, the demand as his tongue forced its way inside my mouth, urging me to respond to each swirl and surge. His hands rise in tandem from my frozen wrist towards my shoulders until he’s clasping my neck, angling my face so he could get more access to my mouth. My tears spilled like endless rain. I never thought that the person I hold dearly in my heart could also be the reason for a heartache of this magnitude. “Zia.” He rested his forehead against mine, heaving deeply. His thumb glided over my mouth, swollen and trembling. “Don’t do this, baby. I can’t lose you. You’re too valuable to me.” ‘Valuable?’ I smiled, laying my palms above his. “Fuck you.” My knees collided with his balls, my dress riffed off with the force of my vicious act. But it was damn worth it. To see him in pain on the ground, curled like a ball of fur. “Forget it. I’ll tell my parents tonight, you better deal with Francine and Pier on your own.”

Chapter 5 5|Talk

It’s not as easy as it looks. My actions have consequences, even when I’m just fighting for my rights. The right to be treated fairly, the right to marry someone loyal and faithful to me. I couldn’t do it. Well, I haven’t tried yet. ~ After that eventful and fruitful talk with my ex-fiance, I threw the diamond engagement ring he gave me in his face - while he was still nursing his pained wiener. I wish I could say it was worth it, that the pain in my chest lessened, but no. It only worsened because now I don’t feel the heavy ring around my finger, a mark ending everything between Calvin and me. The black hole of desolation in my chest can’t be filled with the amount of vodka I’ve consumed since we arrived here in Nadia’s grave. Nadia Simone Walker. Loving daughter amazing friend Live to the fullest, for life is all too short That last part was her motivation in life. I figured it’s only fitting to add her own perspective on her headstone. A phrase that I lived by since she left. “What now?” I asked, pouring a hefty amount of the alcohol on the ground. The touch of her tombstone against my back and the cold grass on my lower body is a cold embrace from her. I visit her often. In fact, I believe I’m the only one who visits this place. Oh, there was a basket of white gardenias beside me. I wonder who visited her because only the people close to her knew she couldn’t stand colorful flowers, while I was the opposite. I love colors, but maybe that will change. My life is gloomy. He took away all the colors of life. “Will they hate me, Nads?” I tilted the bottle of vodka in my mouth, downing the last drop of it. Erik is standing like a pole a few feet away from me, unmoving. ‘You won’t notice I’m here,’ he said when I shoo him away. That’s a big problem of mine. I can’t force my mind to not notice things. I ask too many questions and act on impulse. My father once told me I’m too inquisitive for my own good. That’s also the reason I can’t marry Calvin anymore, even if I love him… even if he begged, even if he announced his parents will disown him. I can’t pretend to be oblivious to his affair. My muscles are numb. I wonder if Erik’s feet are also as numb as mine. The sun already went into hiding. Lights around the cemetery flickered one by one, dim and dull. At this time of the year, the temperature drops once the sun allows darkness to rule the sky. My lips were quivering. I raised my knees and hugged myself, keeping my body warm, pressing my swollen eyelids to close. A motorcycle roared, halting close to where we were. From its echo, I knew it was Xavier’s Ducati. His light footstep soon followed the shutting off of the engine, ceasing to where I was. Without a word, his powerful arm scooped my cold frame. “Saving me,” I grumbled, tugging on the collar of his leather jacket. He smells like rain. I wanna dance in his intoxicating scent all night, like we used to do before things got so complicated. Xavier hummed. Erik opened the limousine’s door for him, settling me inside. “Take her home,” he told Erik, handing the old guy his phone that I stole earlier. Erik’s eyes squinted, throwing me a pointed glare. I knew he’s in for a huge amount of trouble because of me. I rolled my eyes, laying on my back on the plush seat, curling into a ball. “Don’t worry about it.” Xavier patted Erik’s shoulder. “They knew she stole your phone…” The slamming of the door followed. “Zia Adeline Walker,” oh, shit. The sound of my name coming from my mother that way is not a good sign. I snuggled deeper under my covers, pretending to be sleeping. Like usual, mom barged inside my room but this time, she doesn’t do those sweet little gestures. She pulled the cover from my body, towering on my side. “You’ve got a lot of explaining to do, young lady,” she began. “I don’t care if you have a hangover. Sit, talk.” Her sweet tone is still there, but hearing another pair of footsteps against the rug nearing my bed turned on all the alarms inside my head, turning me into a nervous wreck. Damn. She brought the big guns. “Zia,” the bed dipped behind me with the weight of my father sitting on the edge. My back was facing them. I was looking over the sun rising from my balcony. The sight in the autumn morning does wonders for my mood. It never fails to make me smile, but not today. Ever since that night in the Luciano manor, I am only forcing myself to get out of this bed. “Princess.” Dad pressed his warm hands on my shoulder. I was still wearing the black dress I had yesterday and didn’t even have time to remove my makeup. “Are you having wedding jitters? It’s normal to feel that way.” I swallowed the tears that I’ve been holding since they came in. “P-please cancel the wedding.” The rubbing pattern my father’s thumb is drawing on my shoulder halted, eerie silence hovered over the three of us, apart from my mother’s gasp. “What?” Mom was first to recover. This is now or never. I gathered all the courage I could muster and sat on my bed, facing my parents. I couldn’t watch the disappointment that washed over my father’s face, and I didn’t even dare to stare into my mother’s features. Heaving a deep breath, I lifted my face and gaze at my father, admiring how his salt and pepper hair made his bright blue eyes stand out. He gave a soft smile, a look that only Mom and I got the chance to savor. The world knew Levi Walker as a ruthless businessman. He shows a domineering personality in front of his employees and business associates, but in reality, he has this soft side. A caring and passionate family man, whom I’m about to disappoint. “I caught Calvin with someone else on the night of his birthday. They were talking about his plan. He’ll marry me and file a divorce after five years.” I managed to say without stuttering, but my tears kept streaming down my cheeks. “We talked yesterday, after lunch, and he told me Ashley is pregnant, but he still wants to marry me because his parents will disown him. I kneed him in the balls and told him to fuck off.” “Oh,” was the only response I got from my father. ~ My parents left my room in peace this morning. They kissed my forehead, telling me to rest for the day, telling me not to cry anymore, and they’ll take care of everything. It took me hours - the entire day in reality - before I finally got the energy to push myself out of my bed. The green neon light on the digital clock by my nightstand shows that it’s already fifteen minutes past midnight. ‘What am I doing to myself?’ I sighed, sniffling. I smell something fishy. Sniffing once more, I realized it was me. I need a shower. After taking a good twenty minutes under the warm shower, I changed my clothes and headed to the kitchen to get some food. Water is the only content of my stomach and my head is already woozy with this unhealthy routine I put myself into. On my way back to my room after filling my hungry tummy, I caught a glimpse of the light coming from Dad’s study. With careful steps, I headed there, intending to talk to him about the wedding. A lot is at stake in this union, I know that so I have to answer for my decisions. I’m blessed with such wonderful and loving parents- “... we need to prepare for the worst.” My hand slowed, reaching for the doorknob of Dad’s office door. I stared at the dark wood, needing it to burn so I could hear what they’re talking about without a barrier. “Are you sure we can’t talk to Pier in peace?” my mom’s voice remained calm, although on edge. “The agreement is absolute, Gianna,” my father sighed, sounding tired. It’s wrong of me to eavesdrop, but this is news to me. I thought our betrothal was just a casual understanding between our families. But an ‘agreement?’ and an ‘absolute’ one? My grip on the cold metal loosened. I stepped back as if it burned me. I looked side by side, checking if there were still people working in the mansion at this hour. The second floor is where all the offices are located, while the third is where the quarters are. Dad’s study is at the far end of the west wing, opposite the way to my room, which is on the east wing. “One daughter is not with us anymore, Lev… because of this business. Let’s protect the other while we still can,” mom said in a lowered tone. The echo of her flip-flops against the vinyl tiles sent shivers gushing down my body. I’m thankful that I am fit and healthy. Even with the lack of food for the entire day, I was able to run across from the west to the east wing without stumbling over. Slamming the door as silently as I could, I leaned my hand on the wood, catching my breath after locking the door. What the hell was that about? I’m indeed too curious for my good and now I’m itching to know what my parents meant by what they said. They sounded different, as if both had a withdrawn personality when they were the warmest person I knew in this world. Nadia’s death? I shook my head, settling myself on the bed, pulling my duvet up to my chin. The wedding… What am I gonna do now?

Chapter 6 6|A Glass of Wine

Morning came. The rays of the sun passed through the glass door of the balcony. Its warmth prevailed inside my room, caressing my skin. I’m enjoying the last of the sun before winter, yet my eyes remain open. I’m in deep thoughts because of what I heard last night. That agreement still bothered me. What could it be? From the way my parents spoke of it, I’m sure it’ll have a great impact on our family, or if what I fear is right, on our family business. The Lucianos are a long-time friend and affiliate of the Walkers. I grew up with the tight bond of our families and as far as I know, it all began with Grandpa Josiah and Grandpa Mansueto Luciano. I was never interested in business, and I’m glad that my parents never forced me to drift deeper into it like what Pier did with his sons. The Luciano Corporation and Walker Corporation have ventured into businesses together, just like the LW Brewery and so much more. The smart lock of my bedroom door made a silent hiss. I sighed, knowing well that it was my mother. There are only five of us who know the combination to my room. My parents, Penny, Erik, and I but Erik has never stepped inside my room. There’s no need for him to protect me here. Sometimes, I even think that the old man wishes for me to stay indoors all the time so he wouldn’t worry about answering to my father for my actions. I turned on my side, meeting her gaze as she sauntered in her floral printed maxi wrap dress. She’s too beautiful at six in the morning, brown hair already tied in an elegant updo while here I am, a mess, looking ten years older than my actual age. “How are you feeling, honey?” She sat on the edge of my bed, reaching for my forehead with the back of her hands, checking my temperature. “I’m okay, Mom,” I propped myself up, sitting crossed leg, tucking my messy locks behind my ears. “Are you… are you and Dad disappointed with me?”“What?” she breathed out, scooting closer to me, taking my hands in hers. “Why would you think that way, Zia? We are disappointed in Calvin for what he did.” She sighed, caressing my cheeks. “Your father and I will have dinner with Pier and Francine later to discuss the wedding and what their son did to you.”“Mom…” She shook her head. “They need to know what Calvin did, Zia. None of this is your fault. You’ve been faithful to the engagement, right?” I looked at her shocked. “Of course, mom…” I said with teary eyes. “I-I love him so much.”“Oh, honey.” Her motherly warmth enveloped me in the safety of her love. It’s nice to tell someone how much pain I was nursing and receive some love back in return. But it doesn’t change anything. The truth remains. I love Calvin and I wasn’t enough for him. Since Nadia died, I’ve always felt so alone even inside this mansion where we have over 100 staff. No one, apart from Erik and Penny, really knew me beyond the title of being the princess of this family. The sole heiress to the Walker fortune. However comforting it was to have my mother’s arms around me, I can’t bring myself to pour my heart out to her fully. In fact, I don’t believe I’ve ever talked to anyone about what I’m really feeling apart from my sister.. even in her grave. My best friend Penny is another issue, though. I might have to talk to her in the coming days, but I have to deal with this problem first. ~ At six in the evening, dressed in my black ribbed button-front dress, I waited for mom and dad to descend from their room. The dinner will take place at one of our restaurants in the city named after my sister at seven p.m. sharp. My parents gazed at one another, confused at seeing me waiting for them. I gave them each a hug, and my father spoke first. “You don’t have to go with us, Zia,” he said, buttoning his gray suit jacket. His blue eyes, one that reflects my own, gaze at me with pity. Something I don’t appreciate. I hate being at the receiving end of someone’s sympathy. All my life, I’ve lived to the expectation of what Levi Walker’s daughter should be. The first family rule is that Walker’s are no quitter. “I want to be there, Dad,” I replied curtly. “Alright,” Dad mumbled, “just know that we will not allow you to wed that boy no matter what they say.” We arrived first at the restaurant, the maître d’, Mr. Rome guided us to the family lounge. Since Nadia’s is a 3-Star Michelin restaurant, it takes weeks, sometimes even a month, to get a reservation here. My parents hold meetings and conferences on the second floor of the restaurant most of the time, but it usually serves as our private lounge. People watched as we walked by, some curious, and some already knew who we were - they knew my parents, but I doubt if they really know who I am. I wish for it to remain that way, but because of this wedding fiasco, I’m sure that my face will be plastered in all magazines and tabloids once the news breaks out. Seated at the long table for twelve, we waited for the Lucianos to arrive, but I already asked Mr. Rome for a glass of Domaine Leroy. Mom gave me a stern look. I responded with a shrug of my shoulders, hearing the door to the private lounge opening and closing. My side remained facing the entrance, never bothering to peer at the people walking towards the table. The rigidness of my mother’s body as she glanced at whoever entered the hall tells it all. He’s with them.

Chapter 7 7|A Solution

The nerve of that man to join this dinner! My father wears a passive look. The way he pressed his lips into a thin line is my only sign that he is in for business. This is what I was afraid of. After this night, a rift will give enough distance to the unbreakable bond of the Walker and Luciano clan, two of the most wealthy and powerful families in New York City. We exchanged pleasantries. It surprised me to see Xavier gracing us with his presence. He never comes to any family gathering, ever… so why is he here? “They forced me to come and wear this,” he said, answering my mother’s compliment about the gray suit he’s wearing. He looks good indeed. The Luciano brothers are quite an alluring sight dressed to the nines. Xavier has that hot and rugged yet smooth vibe going on, with his shoulder length brown hair combed back to perfection. While Calvin… Well, I didn’t even pay any attention to him. My mother gave my thigh a gentle squeeze under the table, a signal that I have to stop drinking my wine now. I gave her a gentle smile. The appetizer, main course, and dessert passed like bliss. Everything was blunt in my taste, apart from the wine. Pier and Francine are on their hype, talking about the business expansion throughout the entire dinner. That’s the only time I paid attention to Calvin. His head bowed down, eyes staring deep into his plate as if he could see an endless pit there, and he wanted to discover where it leads. He can’t look me in the eye because he didn’t tell his parents any shit about what happened to us. What a coward. “What about the honeymoon?” Francine, damn oblivious of the bomb that’s about to explode in her face, inquired gleefully. “Have you decided on where you want to go, Zia? A tour around Asia would be nice, don’t you think?”“About the wedding.” My father looked at me. I just stared back at him, giving him all the right to decide for me. I trust his decision, his judgment. “Calvin?” Damn. I didn’t see that coming. Cavin raised his head, eyes frantic because everyone, apart from Xavier, was looking at him... waiting. “Is there something you want to say to your parents, boy?” Shit. Levi Walker is mad. I’ve never heard him speak this way before. His voice is so cold and intimidating. Pier’s brows arched questioningly, passing glances to my father, me, and to his son who’s sitting quietly between Francine and Xavier. “What?” Francine butted in, still wearing a sweet smile on her full lips. Calvin’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down before he stared straight into my eyes, pleading. I shook my head, disappointed that he couldn’t even have the decency to come out clean with what he did. “Can I have a word with you, please?” I rolled my eyes, scoffing, lifting the glass of wine to my lips. “What did you do, Ragazzo?” Pier’s voice came out deeper, clearly losing his patience. (boy) “Zia…”“Calvin!”“I cheated on her, Papà,” Calvin blurted out, stunned by his father’s voice. “Zia, please, I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”“You’re delusional if you think I’ll allow my daughter to marry you after what you did,” my mother surprised me - all of us - with her distant tone. She’d always been fond of Calvin and for her words to come out like that. I don’t even want to ponder how deep her anger is. “I’m sure we can talk something out,” Francine mumbled, panic rising within her as she reached for her glass of wine. “What about the agreement, Walker?” Pier addressed my father by his surname, pulling his menacing gaze away from his younger son. My father sighed. “I’m with my wife in this matter. Your son promised his other woman to divorce my daughter after five years into their marriage.”“Oh mio Dio,” Francine mumbled, hands reaching up flat above her heart. (Oh my god) “I cannot forgive that, Luciano, no matter how good our relationship with your family is.” I don’t understand shit about this agreement, but the way Dad and Pier look at each other in the eyes, using their surnames instead to address one another, it’s as if they are bidding goodbye to their friendship, ready to enter a war. “What is this agreement, Dad?” I dared to ask. My curiosity is getting the best out of me again. “It’s nothing you should worry about.” Mom squeezed my thigh once more. It must be the alcohol because I probed. “Dad?”“It’s an agreement made by our fathers, Zia,” Dad sighed. “Nadia and Xavier’s wedding was supposed to seal the deal. And with your sister’s death, the burden was handed down to you and Calvin. If no wedding is to take place, all partnerships between the two companies will cease. And right now, both companies are on the brink of bankruptcy.”“What?!” It seems like I’m the only one at this table who looked surprised. Even Calvin knew about it? A deafening silence conquered the entire lounge. It’s so loud; I could hear a silent ringing sound if that even makes sense. I gulped down, hard and deep, feeling so little moisture dampened my parched throat. Bankrupt? Our billion-dollar company? I didn’t even know Dad was dealing with this kind of problem. Cold sweat drenched my skin. My heartbeat sped up within seconds. The weight of this situation just held its toll on my head, pouring iced water over my entire body. The metallic taste of blood that came from my hard chewing on the inside of my cheeks made my face scrunch. The truth left a foul taste in my mouth. Dizziness overcomes my better judgment. “What if a wedding still takes place?” I mumbled under my breath without contemplating what I’ve spoken. “No, honey-”“No, Mom… Dad, I have a solution.” I babbled out, gazing over the only person in this room who looked as calm as the morning breeze, sipping his wine silently. “Xavier? Will you marry me?”