Chapter 1 Chapter 0001

Michelle I'm afraid of most men. I haven't told anyone, and I'm not seeing a therapist about it, but it all started after I was sexually assaulted. Of course, no one knows about that either. I'm scared no one would believe me. Especially since I'm not beautiful, tall, or attractive. I'm a short little book nerd brunette. An introverted nobody, and it was a famous football player on campus who forced himself on me. Why did he do that? Why me? Those exact thoughts are why I keep it a secret. No one would believe me if I said Thomas Hennington pushed me into the wall and shoved his junk inside me. Thinking about it makes me sick to the stomach. It happened during my first frat party before any classes had started. Thomas was drunk, but that is not an excuse. What he did was wrong. Yet I feel guilty that I was there. It feels like everything is my fault. Sometimes it makes me want to cry. But no one would believe me if I told them what Thomas did. Therefore, I keep my mouth shut and try not to think about it. I'm not wealthy enough to see a therapist, and I will be fine. I can handle this. There is worse stuff happening in this world. I'm not pregnant—I checked. And my fear of men is a phase that will pass. Despite the mess inside my head, I silently tap away on my laptop inside the library. Since its the first year of college, our professor wanted us to bond and make new friends. He grouped us two-and-two to make a presentation together, but my partner wasn't there. I actually consider myself lucky because I'm supposed to work with a guy—Maddox Daniels. And although all the girls squealed, I didn't want to be paired with a guy. Maddox Daniels sounds like a super scary name too. And all the girls called him hot. Sexy. Broad. Tall. Popular. One girl sighed and fought the professor to switch partners with me; what the heck was that all about? Girls are weird... Yawning, I take a deep breath and stand up from my chair. I'm getting hungry and should leave the library. I live with two other girls in a tiny apartment. They usually eat my food, but there might be something left. I roll my shoulders and reach for my laptop. But before I can grab it and get out of here, heavy footfalls approach me. "Hey, you!" I slowly turn around and freeze. Holy shit. Who is that? Anxiety churns in my stomach when I lift my chin. An insanely colossal guy is heading in my direction. A grey hoodie hugs his muscular arms, and I'm forced to lift my chin to meet his irritated eyes; that's how tall he is. Judging by his ripped body type, he must be into sports. Football or wrestling? A lineman? Hard to tell, but it must be a position that requires height. I would guess he is six-foot-five, or possibly six-foot-six. Regardless, he is intimidating and handsome. Enough to make me forget how to function. I just stand there like a fool, staring at him while my IQ rapidly drops to zero. Is he a movie star? I'm pretty sure I'm gaping like a goldfish when the broody guy crosses his arms over his mighty chest. "You're Michelle Henriksson, right?" Deep, authoritative voice. I gulp and whisper. "Yes." His relentless eyes dig into mine, and he takes a step closer. I'm suddenly mere inches from him. The fabric of his hoodie almost brushes against me. He obviously lacks respect for personal space. Scary. I would get away from him if the table weren't behind me, but I'm captured like prey. "To think I actually found you in the library..." the guy mutters. "It must be my lucky day or something..." I continue to stare at him. His chest is ridiculously broad, and the surrounding air screams arrogance. This might be the most intimidating guy I've ever met. "Are you listening to me?" No, I'm checking you out. "Y-yes..." He sighs. "The professor said he gave you my number—why didn't you text or call me? We should work on this together.""Uhhh...?""What was that?" He leans in closer and boxes me further into the table. Having him so close makes my heart pound. "Wait. Are you challenged or something?" I open my mouth, but no sound comes out of my lips. The scary guy leans closer. He seems to be checking my eyes, and I hold my breath. Is he going to hurt me? I freeze as he glares at me, too nervous about making a move. Too damn scared of him. "Are you on drugs?" I shake my head. "Well, why haven't you called?""C-Called?" I stammer. He raises his voice while towering over me. "Yes, Michelle?! We are supposed to work together! Explain yourself! Why didn't you text or call me? Talk, for fuck's sake!" Work together? "I'm..." His eyes narrow. "Speak louder, like a normal person! No one is going to hear you if you mumble like that..." I gulp. Tears are prickling behind my eyelids already, and my tongue darts to lick my lips. Did he mistake me for someone else? "I'm... Sorry… But who are you?" My words make him drop his arms from his chest. He sighs and takes a step back to leave my personal space. I'm still shocked by his size. What do they feed this guy with? Screaming villagers? He is huge. Also ridiculously attractive, but in a "he might be a serial killer" way that shoots shudders up my spine. I watch him slowly walk away from me to pull out a chair and sit by the table. His lips move. "Sit down." I stare at him harder, unsure what to say or do. "Are you—..." When I sink my teeth into my lower lip, the guy glares at me with anger ticking against his jaw. "Seriously, don't you have any clue who I am?!" I shake my head. "There is a fucking poster of me hanging on the campus wall, and you don't know who I am?" I shake my head again. "Fucking hell..." He rakes his hand through his sandy hair, shaking his head like I'm the weirdo. "I'm Maddox Daniels, your project partner. Now, do you have a speech-related disability or something?" No, I'm just... Scared around men. Especially around Maddox Daniels, who, unfortunately, is my partner... Wait. Why does he have a poster on the campus wall? Never mind, I should answer him. I whisper in a low tone. "No... I can talk fine...""Then speak louder, okay? I can't afford to fail this class," Maddox is eyeing my laptop like a predator. "What do you have so far? And why aren't you sitting down?" I carefully retake my seat. I'm shaking, yet I somehow find my voice. "I haven't gotten that far yet with—" Maddox rolls his eyes and grabs the side of my screen. He pulls the laptop over so he can see my work. "Hmmm…" Maddox hums. I'm close to passing out. My heart is racing, and my nerves root me to the spot. I'm not sure what to do with myself. Maddox's eyes roam over my screen. "Who the hell decides to make a presentation about Sweden when you could choose any goddamn country in the world?""Uhhh...""And that man in the picture, is he fucking skinny dipping?" Maddox looks away from the screen, sizing me up. "Wow, even the most innocent-looking girls are fucking predators. Don't judge a book by its cover. You can't trust anyone these days." Is he talking about the man jumping off a cliff into the water in one of my pictures? And we are writing about Norway, not Sweden! "We... We are writing about Norway." His eyebrows shoot up into his hairline, but the relentless, unfriendly expression returns a second later. "I knew that—I can see the flag!" Why do I get the feeling he had no clue? "Good...""Seriously, I knew it was Norway we were working on all along. I'm not a total idiot." For some reason, I have to bite back a smile. Maddox Daniels is weird. "Sure." Maddox glares at me. "I was only testing you." He does this weird thing with his fingers, pointing two at his eyes and then letting them point at mine. "Just checking that your head is in the game." Head is in the game? Who the heck is this guy?! I stare at him. I'm half-convinced that Maddox is insane. But I judge it might be better not to upset him by stating that thought. He is big and could easily hurt me—I should keep my mouth shut not to get on his wrong side. "Are you not happy with my choice of Norway?" I think Norway is one of the prettiest countries in the entire world. "No, Norway is fine," Maddox shoots back the laptop to my side of the table. I can't calm my racing heart around him. "I will forgive you for not calling or texting me. You have done well, but tomorrow we will walk here directly after class. Together. Capish?" Words won't find me, and Maddox grunts. "Is that understood, Michelle?" I blush. "Y-yes." His eyes rake me up and down. Maddox appears daunting. Unapproachable. He is probably also used to getting what he wants. His whole demeanor screams power and control. I can see it mirrored in his arrogant eyes and feel it in the tense air around him. Strength. Leadership. "Louder.""Yes.""I can't hear you, Michelle." I weakly inhale before raising my voice. "Yes, we will walk here tomorrow." His eyes narrow. "Together." Wow, so bossy. "Together.""And you won't stand me up." I wouldn't dare. "I won't stand you up.""Finally, I can hear what you're saying," Maddox says without breaking into a smile, but he appears more pleased. He stands up. "Continue working on that presentation, okay?" What?! Where is he going? Isn't he going to help me?! I force out my shy voice. "W-where are you going?" He lifts an eyebrow. "Aren't you hungry? I'm fetching us a pizza down the block. It will take me half an hour. You will still be here." Maddox turns around without waiting for a response, and I blink after him. Stunned. The arrogance of that guy. You will still be here. Seriously? I shudder. Guys with that kind of bossy attitude scare me. Maddox Daniels scares me. He is the epitome of what scary guys look like. Another shudder. I can't ever see myself getting along with him…

Chapter 2 Chapter 0002

Michelle It's gotten late, and I'm still at the library. Unhappiness is all around. I've barely gotten any work done because of my jittering nerves. And it's all thanks to this big guy, Maddox. He is feasting on the last pizza slice while sitting next to me in a chair to see my display. Personal space doesn't seem to matter to him. I'm so uncomfortable. Why does he have to be in my space all the time?! Timidly, I glance at the clock on the wall and repress a groan. It's late, and I should head home. It's relieving to finally be able to leave Maddox, but... Instead of feeling achieved after a long hard working day, I'm anxious. The work isn't halfway done! Why did the professor have to team me up with Maddox? He is lazy and does nothing for the team, while I like to stay ahead of my game! Wait. Game? Jesus Christ, now I'm even starting to sound like Maddox! "Are you holding silent conversations with yourself again?" Maddox asks while peeling a banana. He is such a bastard, beautiful, albeit a bastard. I don't dare to meet his eyes. He has already figured out that he frightens me; that's why he is close. Maddox is the type of person who likes to bask in other people's discomfort. "I... I don't hold silent conversations with myself.""Sure." Sure? "I mean it." Maddox calmly takes another bite from his fruit. Smacking his tongue against his palate. I find it annoying, which is probably why he does it. This guy wants to get under my skin, and his deep voice rings in my ears when I meet his eyes. "I have another question for you, Michelle." I repress a sigh. "What is it?""Do all men frighten you, or is it just me?" I stare at his muscles and unyielding expression, gulping. "W-what makes you think I'm afraid of men?" He shrugs a massive shoulder. "You had no trouble talking to the librarian earlier. She is a woman... But you shuddered in your chair when that gang of teenage boys walked past. You also wore this priceless expression, as if you would shit in your pants." Sadness wraps me up like a breakfast burrito while Maddox, the brutish bastard, laughs at his own words. Rude. Why does he have to be such an ass about everything he says? "Its... It's not nice to make fun of someone for what they fear. You don't know what they have been through..." Maddox smiles evilly from his chair, amused. "Ah, what have you gone through then? Let me guess: bullying?" How can he say that so easily?! I bite down on my lower lip to keep the tears at bay. I dislike being put on the spot like this. Maddox doesn't need to hear my backstory. Especially since he probably doesn't even really care. Yet I whisper, "No, not bullying..." Rape. Abuse from my parents. Loneliness. Not that I would ever say that out loud... Maddox leans his cheek against the palm of his hand, eyeing me. "Okay. I ask you again: what have you gone through then?" I avert my eyes from him. "It's nothing...""Tell me." Seriously? What makes Maddox think he can just ask me anything? He isn't my friend or goddamn therapist! We hardly know each other! "Its... It's none of your business.""Sorry? What was that?" Maddox grins wolfishly. "Speak louder; I didn't hear you.""I—""You're whispering again.""I said it's none of your business!" I exclaim, teary-eyed and shaking out of both fear and irritation. "Holy fuck!" Maddox lets out a sharp laugh. "You look like you're about to piss yourself again!" My only response is to stare at him, a little breathless and with my heart hammering against my chest. Even my lips are quivering. "You're such a weirdo..." Maddox shakes his head at me. "You don't possess a single assertive bone in that spine, do you?" His words cut like knives. I try not to show him my emotions and sit still, hoping he will get bored and stop harassing me. But no chance in hell will this jackass leave me alone. Maddox isn't afraid of confrontation; that much is clear. In fact, he seems to be in his element, as if he enjoys making me squirm in discomfort. "Hey, I asked a question!" I swallow tears. "Why are you always so rude?""Rude?" Maddox wrinkles his nose, lifting an eyebrow. "Excuse me?" Despite the unsettling feeling in my chest, I glare at him. "Yes. You could be nicer... you're mean.""Nicer? Pfft..." Maddox snorts. "And I'm not mean. I say things how they are. There is a difference! I'm honest." I swallow thickly. Maddox is a bully. For some reason, his nostrils flare. "Whatever," Maddox rises to stretch and stands to his full height. "Grab your shit, and let's get out of here. I'm driving you home." I blink. "You're driving me home?""Are you deaf? That's what I just said. I saw you walking to school today, so I'm giving you a ride. Where do you live?" He saw me walking to school? Did he know who I was already? I have so many questions... "Umm...""For fuck's sake..." Maddox sighs loudly. "Can you at least write it down in a text message for me?" Can I actually do that without him laughing? Hastily, I pick up my phone. I eagerly type down my address and give it to an impatient Maddox. "Hmm, that's quite far from here..." Maddox comments and walks away from me without handing back my phone. Uh. Did Maddox just steal my phone? I gape after his broad shoulders and solid muscle. He is like a mountain that grew legs and decided to start walking. No way could I ever fight him for my phone. I just have to accept that I don't own one anymore. Maddox suddenly stops. "You coming, or what?" Oh. OH. I quickly grab my things and slip them into my bag while Maddox is whistling inside the library. Heads are turned his way, yet no one dares to interrupt the loud behemoth. I hurry to catch up with him but slip over the newly polished floor. There is a squeak from my shoes, and I gasp. I expect to make a fool out of myself. But instead, I'm caught. Finally feeling like I have myself under control again, I slowly lift my eyes to see Maddox staring at me, concern written all over his face. His thick arms are holding me. He saved me. My insides flutter. "Are you hurt?" I shake my head with my heart pounding. "No.""Good," Maddox helps me stand. "They should put down a sign that says the floor is slippery. Fucking idiots." I smile. "There usually is a sign...""But not today, it seems. The janitor isn't doing a good job... Anyway, hand me your bag.""W-why?""Because it's fucking heavy for you? You have stick arms." Oh. Does Maddox really wish to help me? That's surprising... I take off my bag silently, and Maddox hangs it over his brawny shoulder. He then grabs my hand. His touch gives birth to instant lightning, and I blush as he leads me toward the doors. Calm down, Michelle. Breathe. "Do you live alone?" Maddox asks. "Uh, no... I have two roommates." Two girls whose eyes will bulge out when they see a guy is taking me home—a handsome one at that. He might be a douche, but he is easy on the eyes. "Good, because you're defenseless." I remain silent, unsure of what to say. Maddox continues. "I will be driving you home from the library every day this week. It's safer. Women shouldn't be wandering alone when it gets dark." That's actually pretty thoughtful... "Thank you." He doesn't smile but sounds friendlier when he says, "No problem." I follow him to his car—a black BMW and try not to laugh. It finally hit me that I'm about to be taken home by a guy. My roommates are going to freak out about this.

Chapter 3 Chapter 0003

Michelle "Do you live over there?" Maddox nods at a house up the street, his big hands holding the wheel in a death grip. "Yes, but you don't have to drive the entire way..." I nervously laugh and face his stern expression. "Why not?""Um... Because my roommates would freak out if they saw you." He arches an eyebrow. "Fans of mine?""Fans?" What is he even talking about? "Yeah, I'm pretty known around campus.""Y-you are?""Yes." That's some arrogance right there. I swallow. "Well, that's not the reason.""What is it then?""Uh…" I blush. "Nevermind." He sighs. "Out with it, Michelle.""Okay..." I shut my eyes. "I've never brought home a guy before, and they… My roommates… They are going to—" I can't say it. My heart is pounding too fast, and I'm embarrassed. Ciara and Zendra have told me I'm hopeless when it comes to guys, and bringing Maddox to the front of our door is probably... Well. A bad idea. They will ridicule me and ask me if I have a crush on Maddox. I can feel the incoming bullying in my gut already. Zendra will probably say that working on this group project with Maddox is the closest I will ever get to dating a handsome guy. They are probably right. Guys aren't exactly lining up the street to date me. Ciara and Zendra, however, are both beautiful and popular. They date guys hotter than hell while I'm this short, pimple-faced introvert who is too scared of men to make a movie. Like, I don't want to die alone, but... I'm not pretty. And my roommates make sure to remind me of that every single day. "I'm coming inside." I look up. "What?""You heard me." Maddox has already parked the car, and before I can intervene, he opens the car door. He takes my bag, and I hastily follow him. What is he doing? "Uh..." As Maddox strides toward the porch, I'm jogging to keep up with him. He has very long legs. "You don't have to come inside... You can just leave now..." Maddox peers down at me but doesn't say anything. Not one to listen, he opens the door and enters our hallway. The door closes. I hear footsteps. Before I know it, Ciara swans into the hallway. I have a bad feeling about this. She stops by the wall, leaning her back against it with a dramatic gasp. "Oh my, oh my," she presses a hand to her chest. Raking Maddox up and down before sending an evil smile my way. "Are you dating Maddox Daniels now, Michelle?" I want to sink through the floor. Ciara knows damn well I haven't dated anyone yet. She said those words as if I had choices. How humiliating. She is smirking now, knowing I'm embarrassed. She is basking in it, smiling like the Cheshire Cat. Why does she have to be here? Ciara will make Maddox think I'm even more of a nerd... Tears are prickling behind my eyelids already. The situation worsens when Zendra joins in on the fun with her mouth falling open the second her eyes land on Maddox. "Well, hello there..." Zendra's heated gaze rakes up Maddox. "I didn't know our roomie was friends with Dashing Devils quarterback. How do you two know each other?" Quarterback? Oh-my-god, as if I weren't already uncomfortable! Of course, Maddox Daniels is a goddamn quarterback! I lift my eyes, expecting Maddox to smirk, but to my surprise, Maddox is smiling. Something tells me it's a fake one, though. "Michelle and I are best friends... In fact—" My world screeches to a halt when Maddox picks me up. What. The. Fuck. The guy is seriously strong! I've never been carried by a guy before, yet my legs instinctively wrap around his tapered waist. His cologne wafts over me, and my heart pounds frantically when he presses his lips to mine. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT! Maddox Daniels is kissing me!!! And not a little peck on the lips. No, Maddox forces my lips apart with his tongue and full-on kisses away my last remaining brain cells. Oh-my-god... Maddox is talented. The kiss is hot and passionate. The taste of his tongue makes little goosebumps prickle over my skin. I said I couldn't stand the guy, but wow. I'm melting in his arms. Electricity and sparks fly between us, and I'm close to begging him not to let go when he pulls away his lips. My heart is racing. I'm out of breath. I stare at him. He stares at me, looking... Surprised? Or is that my imagination? Wait, is that a blush? We keep blinking at each other like idiots. My hands are resting on his muscular shoulders while his arms are wrapped around me. Yet none of us are making a move to create distance between us. I'm not climbing down from his embrace. He is not putting me down. I stay in his arms. Eventually, Zendra clears her throat and pulls Ciara into the kitchen. I catch a glimpse of their faces before they leave—they are both gaping like goldfish. Once inside the kitchen, I hear Ciara whisper-yelling. "Holy-fucking-shit, Michelle is dating the hottest guy on campus! How the flipping fuck did she manage that?!""I know!" Zendra whisper-yells back. "She is so damn lucky!" I swallow at their words, daring to glimpse at Maddox. He is still repeatedly blinking at me as if trying to process what is happening. Which makes little sense seeing he was the one who kissed me, not the other way around! What is going on inside that thick, beautiful head?! I gaze into his eyes. He gazes into mine. After a few seconds, he opens his mouth. "Where is your room?" Why isn't he putting me down? "Um..." I wet my lips. They still feel swollen from the kiss. "It's the last one down the hall to the left. It's a door with stickers on it.""Got it." He carries me down the corridor without a word. My arms are still hugging the thick column of his neck. I'm weak in the legs, and Maddox uses his elbow to open the door. Soon I'm dropped off on my bed. I lift my chin to stare at Maddox, baffled when he closes the door. I expected him to leave... But those blue-blue eyes are scanning my almost-empty room. Yeah, I'm broke. I let him take everything in before daring to talk. "W-why did you kiss me out there?" He lifts an eyebrow. "Aren't you single?" My skin burns, and I shyly brush my brown hair down my shoulder. "That's not the point..." He shrugs. "I saw a perfect opportunity." Opportunity? What? Did he just use me?! "What opportunity?" I demand, suddenly no longer shy but fuming over his caveman tendencies. I might not be yelling, but my heart is thundering inside my chest. And my anger is traveling through my veins. "I don't date, but... I think I could benefit from you being my fake girlfriend, Michelle. Gold diggers would stay clear of me. It would be nice." Laughter erupts from me. "No, those girls would try harder to flirt with you! Girls would… They would look at me and see there is no competition!" He laughs at me and hands me a wolfish grin. "True... They would look at you, see that you're as flat as a plank, and try to get me." Anger heats my face. "That's rude!""But entirely true, isn't it?" I blush and avert my eyes. "You're such a jockhole.""Jockhole?" He snorts. "Maybe, but do you want to go along with this plan? I mean, looking around your room... You don't have much stuff, and my wallet is fat.""Really? You're trying to buy me?""I could buy you lunch every day." My stomach gurgles and Maddox bursts out laughing. It lights up his face, and I experience butterflies. Why? He is such a jerk. "Why would you need a fake girlfriend?""Mostly because of my parents," Maddox replies while studying my empty walls without even looking at me. "But also because I think some girls at school would stay away..." So he doesn't want girls asking him out? Why? Ugh, I bet he is one of those sleep-with-them-and-leave-them guys. "I see...""So... Do we have a deal?""Well..." I palm my neck and consider his offer. "It would be nice to... Have a decent meal every day.""Yeah?""But I don't know...""Come on," Maddox urges. "It will be easy food for you... And it's not like kissing me; maybe hugging me is dangerous. You didn't feel anything when we did it, did you?" I stare at him—he stares back. And while I would like to believe there is no meaning behind his question, I can't help but feel like he is ACTUALLY wondering if I felt something. Which I didn't... He is good-looking. That's the only reason I felt some flutters when he kissed me, not because we have chemistry. God no! I'm not crazy enough to think we do. Jockholes and quiet book nerds don't get along. Maddox and Michelle are like snow and salt. "O-of course not!" I laugh. It sounds forced, even to me, and I hope Maddox doesn't notice. But to my surprise, he is laughing too. "Yeah, I thought so! There was absolutely no chemistry at all! No lightning, sparks, or wanting to rip off your clothes, and... Yeah... It was just an emotionless kiss." Instead of feeling angry, I'm relieved. Maddox would never go out with me—at least I can stop fantasizing about that now. "Entirely emotionless indeed." We smile at each other awkwardly, but the staring soon becomes heated. My chest constricts. I wet my lips. My heart pounds faster. I silently study the column of Maddox's neck and let my gaze travel to his muscular arms hiding underneath his hoodie. He is so strong. Powerful. Maddox stares at my lips, then down at my chest and hips. He runs his tongue over his lips and— That's when I clap my hands! "You should probably go!" Maddox returns to reality. "Right..." he moves for the door but turns around to meet my eyes again. There is a ghost of a smile on his lips. "Same time tomorrow at the library. Do not stand me up, okay?""I wouldn't dream of it."

Chapter 4 Chapter 0004

Maddox I need a freaking doctor. Something is seriously wrong with my head. Did I hit it or something? Possible brain damage from birth that didn't show up until now? I don't know what is happening to me, but I'm acting weird! I don't date. I don't do relationships. I don't want a WAG, a partner, or any romance in my life. Most girls are bloodsuckers and only out after your money. I know that, and I stay clear of the other gender. I should focus on the game, focus on the goddamn football, and not fall for any distractions. And girls are fucking distractions! Yes, I know this better than anyone. So why am I as hard as a rock in the shower while thinking about kissing Michelle fucking Henriksson?????!!!!! Why her? WHY! I punch the wall and groan at the pain. "FUCK!!!""Will you please keep it down?!" Jason's voice comes from the other side of the wall because, let's face it, we live in misery. Paper-thin walls and no fucking privacy. The frathouse is a goddamn joke and sometimes a running parody. I groan, and Jason sighs. "Maddox, I've said it once, and I will say it again. Keep it down, will you? I'm trying to focus here." I punch the wall. "No, I'm going through something!""Just wank it out already, amigo!" Jason shouts back. "You've been saying 'Michelle' over and over again, groaning and then not finishing your business. Just rub one out." This fucking linebacker! I swear I will kill him, fucking kill him! It doesn't matter that we are best friends—Jason is dead to me! "Shut up, Deluca!" I growl back at the perverted idiot. "And stop listening through the wall like a creep!""I have a stomach ache... I can't leave the toilet even if I wanted to. There is no choice but to listen to your pathetic voice.""This idiot..." I mutter to myself. "I can't do it now, thanks to you!""Why not?""Because you're listening!""Go into your room and lock the door.""I will, but not to masturbate!""Sure, amigo... And I will not look up Michelle Henriksson's online profile while you're not masturbating." Jesus fucking Christ! Why does Jason always have to be so goddamn annoying?! I could murder him and bury his body in the garden! "DO NOT FUCKING LOOK HER UP!""Why, you shy or something, Maddox? Everyone wants to be with our heartbreaker quarterback, but you turn everyone down. I want to know your type, Maddox. Learn what makes you hard in the shower." Hard in the shower?! My type?! "Michelle is not my type!""Si, I don't know about that... You have been moaning her name for about forty minutes now, and I'm getting more and more convinced to name my own daughter Michelle...""Jason..." I hiss. "I. Will. Murder. You. In. Your. Sleep.""Empty threats... Empty threats...""I'm being serious!""Oh, Michelle Henriksson is pretty darn cute... Rosy cheeks, yeah? Very delicate and small too. Ha-ha. You like that, Maddox? Who would have known—the guy actually has taste.""I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU, DELUCA!" Jason burst out laughing, and I grunt in annoyance. Some best friend he is—the dude needs to have his head evaluated if he thinks it's okay to listen to me masturbate AND look up my inspiration. Jesus fucking Christ, I'm even admitting it myself. There are way hotter girls than Michelle, yet all I see is her doe-eyes, sweet smile, and delicate hands. Am I out of my damn mind?! "GAH, I hate myself!" I kick the wall and wrap myself in a towel. My cock is still painfully hard, and it's because I'm at odds with myself. I can't finish myself off. No. I have to resist it! It feels wrong to touch myself while thinking about Michelle Henriksson of all freaking people. She doesn't even like me! That little thing is terrified of me, and not even a little! She couldn't sit still when I looked at her! I angrily enter my room and throw myself down on my bed. My arm hangs down to the floor, and I sigh. "I shouldn't text her... I know better than that... I do... But..." I pick up my phone, breathing hard while staring at the screen. This is so weird... What am I doing? I have only texted girls to tell them my address before a hookup. Other than that, I don't text with girls. I don't call them either. Neither do I date, yet I'm already typing a message to Michelle. I can't believe this... But I also can't stop myself. Me: Don't stand me up tomorrow, Henriksson. I watch the message turn to "seen" and feel like puking when I realize I'm actually smiling. FUCKING SMILING while texting a girl. Seriously, where did my balls go? Michelle: You inserted your own number into my phone? Who wouldn't? I can't risk Michelle standing me up again. I had to put in my number there... Not because I like her or anything, but to show male dominance! Yes! There is no other reason! Me: Yes. Michelle: And your earlier words, is that a threat? A threat? Is she serious? Does Michelle honestly think everything I do is to scare other people? Like, sure, I think it's fun, but... Me: Not a threat. Michelle: You promise? Me: Yes. Have a good night, Michelle. I patiently wait for her response like a total sissy. It's been less than twenty-four hours, and I'm fucking whipped—after one kiss and her feeling up my muscles like I was hot shit. I rake my fingers through my wet hair. "I'm such a loser..." My phone vibrates, and my eyes find my screen like a hawk. I've never moved this fast in my entire life. I unlock my screen and... Michelle: Good night, Maddox. My lips curl into this stupid smile, and then I smack myself straight in the face to knock it off. "What the fuck is wrong with me?" I whisper with growing panic. "I need to see a therapist or something..." I'm worried about my health. My heart is fluttering. My pulse is ticking against my jaw. There is a buzzing in my stomach, and I swear that isn't normal. Am I dying?" Are these the warning signs of a heart attack? I hope not. I get underneath the covers and get comfortable. There is a new message from the pixie girl herself. What could she want? I click on the message with a weird feeling in my chest. My heart is thumping, which is so freaking weird. Michelle: Thank you for driving me home today. I appreciate it. The rain came when you left, and I would have been drenched. It was very thoughtful of you. That familiar flutter travels through me again, yet I accept it. I might act like a hardass most of the time, but... I knew it was going to rain after checking the weather forecast. That's why I offered to drive the tiny one home. But I'm not usually thoughtful, and Michelle better not expect me to act like it either... I quickly type back a message. Me: You're welcome. I sigh heavily while tucking my phone underneath my pillow. "What is it with this girl that just makes me do stupid shit... Fuck... She does weird things to my head..." Another groan leaves my lips. I'm about to have a headache. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I couldn't possibly be falling in love, right? Pfft. I'm Maddox. I'm cold as a rock, and the last thing this could be is the beginning of something. Romance is for pussies.

Chapter 5 Chapter 0005

Michelle I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I'm the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me. The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It's making my skin crawl. My heart beats faster, and even though there isn't straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes. I hate not having any friends. I hate not having any new clothes. I hate not being normal. I hate not being... Happy. I'm lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he... When he... Raped me. Tears prickle behind my eyes. I think I'm suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas's face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream. But I refuse to cry. Don't ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom. Stay strong. Breathe. Sadly, I can't ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares. "Oh, look, it's the ugly duckling." I'm the ugly duckling. "Does she ever change her clothes?" No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones. "Aren't her parents like... Alcoholists?" They are. "I heard they threw her out." I left. "She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra." Because I can't pay an entire rent on my own. "It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does... It's like a stammer." I've been stammering ever since the rape happened... It sucks. I press my laptop to my chest and try to walk quickly. I sit down in the back of the classroom. One of the girls pouts my way and whisper, "I actually feel bad for the ugly little duckling, though. She is so weird and awkward that no one wants to be her friend." Those words hurt, but I try to keep my calm. "Did you sleep well?" Shock seeps into my bones. I lift my eyes to face Maddox. What is he doing here? He pulls out the chair next to mine and sits down with a tired expression. "I did..." I say in a low voice, unsure why Maddox is sitting with me. We are project partners, but this is our history class—not the communication for which the presentation is required. "Good for you..." Maddox cracks his shoulders. "I slept like shit." I glance at Maddox and... What the hell? Those mean girls from earlier? They are staring at us. I almost blurt out laughing. Are those girls jealous of me or something? I hope they are. Wait. Am I terrible for wishing that? Probably. But it's just that they were so mean to me, and revenge is sweet. Maddox breathes a laugh. "Ah, great, you're having those conversations with yourself inside your head again." I look at him, and he sighs. "Anyway, you're cool with taking notes for me today, right?" Wait. What? I widen my eyes when Maddox tries to give me what must be his attempt at a charming smile, but he looks more like a grinning lion. Or a hyena... I repress the urge to roll my eyes. "So that's why you're sitting with me...""Yeah? What other reason would I have?" Maddox questions and crosses his arms over the table to rest on them. "I woke up at five to run to the gym, and then I worked out until every limb screamed... My arms are so fucking sore from lifting.""N-not my problem..." He narrows his eyes. "Did you... Did you just give me attitude?" My heart is pounding, yet I manage a shrug. "You're angry at me when you're the one who is using me..." He blinks but quickly recovers. "Well, you're a nerd, aren't you? I bet you have top grades in every freaking subject.""Yes... I-I do have top grades..." I blush because, for some reason, I'm embarrassed about Maddox pushing forward that I'm a nerd. It's true that I only think of school. But can anyone blame me for working hard? College is everything to me; it will help me build a brighter future since most of my life has been dark. "See?" Maddox yawns. "Your written notes will be way better than mine. Send them to me after our class is over.""W-why do I feel like I've just become your servant?" Maddox's eyes are closed, but his lips form a smile. "Thanks, Michelle." My heart stops, then speeds up again. I should fear Maddox. He is a jerk, and he is massive—a dangerous combination. Yet I experience flutters seeing that smile. What is wrong with me? "I'm going to take a nap," Maddox mumbles. "Poke me if the teacher comes over to our table...""Uhh..." I wet my lips and whisper-yell. "You would bite my head off if I tried to wake you.""I don't bite." The teacher is inside the classroom now. He is talking loudly into his microphone about something that seems important, yet I whisper-yell again. "That's a lie, and you know it." One of Maddox's eyes cracks open. "Are you going to shut up at some point? I need my beauty sleep.""See, my point has been made! You're an asshole..." Wow. Did I just show Maddox some more of my attitude again? Jesus Christ, my heart is pounding. It might seem like a tiny thing for anyone else, but holy shit—I'm a rebel! His eyes narrow, and his expression is bewildered. "Did you just call me an asshole without peeing in your pants?" Oh, shit! Is he angry at me? I return to my screen since I better not continue this conversation with Maddox if I wish to live. My heart is pounding too fast already; I don't need more reasons for it to thump. But... Oh-my-god! I can't believe I showed Maddox sass! "Hey, I've been thinking about something," Maddox suddenly says. "You should go to my games." I peer down at him. "Why?""Because you're supposed to be my fake girlfriend? You have to act the part convincingly. If I had a girlfriend, she would definitely be at my games and wear my jersey. Oh, and with a big smile on her lips!" I blush. "Uh, I'm pretty sure your jersey wouldn't fit me.""That's the point," Maddox mutters. "It's supposed to look cute.""Why do you need a fake girlfriend again?""Mostly because my parents won't shut up about me having to find a woman and get married and yada-yada, but also so most gold diggers keep away from me...""Your parents wish for you to get married already?" He shrugs. "It's important to my parents, I guess... They have been trying to make me marry a girl named Vanya.""But you're not interested?""Nope, but... My parents value love over marriage, so if I can convince them that we love each other, they will get off my back. And you want to eat real food, right?" I sigh heavily, with my cheeks burning. "I kind of do... I don't exactly have a lot of money... Sorry for being a food digger..." Maddox grins like a hyena again. "No problem. It's actually great. The deal is still on because we both can gain from this, but we must practice doing couple-stuff.""Okay. Like what?""Fuck if I know! Pottery and pumpkin carving and other stupid shit girls love? Dates and oh! You should sit in my lap in the library later. That way, the rumor will spread that we are dating." I stare at him with my heart racing. The thought of sitting in Maddox's lap and going out on dates with him... Is it wrong that it kind of sounds a little bit exciting? I have no friends, so maybe I could gain something else from this that is more than just free food. "I-I can do the lap thing...""You're stammering again." Because I'm nervous. "Sorry...""And stop apologizing all the time," Maddox sighs and averts his eyes while scratching the back of his head. "We also need to be kissing each other more often." Kissing? I gulp. "Okay...""Like a lot." Can I do that? The last time we kissed... I'm not sure if it's normal, but I felt sparks, and I'm not sure if that is a good sign. But let's be realistic here; I couldn't possibly fall for this asshole. Then again... I look at Maddox, and my insides turn to mush. That reaction tells me that I need to be careful with him. He is attractive, and I could develop a crush on him if I don't keep my guard up. "Lots of k-kissing," I nod at him. "Got it." Kissing Maddox and entering a fake relationship with him—what could possibly go wrong?