Chapter 1 A shocking news

AVA’S POV “I want a divorce.” My hands are shaking badly as I stare at the papers that my husband has just handed to me, after saying those dreaded words. Nothing could have prepared me for this … not even the fact that it is and has always been glaringly obvious that my husband is not as in love with me as I am with him. “I booked a dinner to celebrate your birthday … Your mom and sister are going to be there,” I tell him in a voice that feels like it belongs to a stranger. Maybe if I ignore those horrible words, that he just uttered, they will turn out to be a figment of my imagination. “I have to get back to the office, unfortunately. I have a very important deal to seal, so I can't come. You can still go and have dinner with my mom and Amanda. Do sign the papers and leave them on my desk. This is for the best. You’ll be well compensated.” Derek says and leaves the room abruptly, not giving me a chance to ask questions. I sink into the chair that’s nearest to me, my whole body shaking from the emotion that I’m trying very hard to keep in check as the first tears make their way down my cheeks. I had thought that Derek and I were making progress in our marriage, no matter how little. Apparently, I am very wrong. How did we get to the point that he is serving me divorce papers out of the blue and without any explanation? I do not get to wallow in self-pity for long because my phone chooses that moment to ring shrilly. “How can you organize a dinner and be late for it? We’ve been waiting for you. We had to change the venue you chose because we discovered somewhere else that we like. I’ll send you the address.” My mother-in-law’s voice comes from over the phone when I answer it. Needless to say, the last thing I’m in the mood to do is to go spend time with Derek’s mother and sister, who never miss an opportunity to show how much they despise me. “I’m so sorry, but I won't be able to make it. I’m feeling unwell…” I begin to say, my voice wobbling. “Nonsense! Present yourself here immediately. We’re waiting for you.” Amanda, my sister-in-law’s voice comes from over the phone and then the call ends. I’m already dressed, because I had been waiting for Derek to get back so we could go to the restaurant together, so all I have to do is get into one of our cars and have the driver drive me down to the restaurant. Derek’s mother and sister do not like me one bit, and they never have. Needless to say dinner tonight is going to be very awkward, especially without Derek there to act as a ‘buffer.’ I get to the restaurant with eyes that are puffy and red from crying throughout the whole drive down to the restaurant. I’m sure my mother-in-law and sister-in-law notice, but they don’t comment on it. Instead, my mother-in-law tries to bore a hole in my stomach with her eyes and I know she’s trying to guess if I’m pregnant or not. It will be a miracle if we get through this dinner without her commenting on my lack of a baby bump. “Derek sends his apologies. He won’t be able to make it tonight because he has something urgent to do at work, so it’s just us girls.” I tell them after we exchange greetings. “Oh, don’t worry. We know just how busy he is.” Amanda, my sister-in-law says, smiling smugly. There’s something very mischievous about that smile, but I can’t exactly place my hands on what it is. Not up to twenty minutes later, I realize why Amanda has got that evil smile on her face. I'm sitting facing the entrance of the restaurant so I have a clear view of everyone that comes in. The last person I expect to see come into the restaurant is my husband … or to put it more appropriately, my soon-to-be ex-husband. My eyes must be deceiving me, or maybe I am hallucinating. There is no other plausible explanation for what I’m seeing at the moment. At the sight of him and the person he is with my already shattered heart shatters even further and plunges to the soles of my feet. Hanging on to his arm is the one woman whom I never thought I would see in my lifetime. I have never met her in real life, but I have seen several pictures of her and Derek before. She looks older and more sophisticated than the pictures I saw, but it is her all the same. I’m certain of it.

Chapter 2 Heartbroken

How can I not know the face of the woman who, as my sister-in-law has told me too many times to count, is Derek’s first and true love? Jealousy, as I have never known it before, grips me, and I feel my heart constrict as I watch the two of them laughing at something that she had said. “ Oh … my God! That lying, heartless, evil, cheating bastard! ” I say under my breath with blurry eyes, my chest tightening even further until it feels like I can't breathe. Finally, Derek’s strange behavior all makes sense. His ex is back after all these years and he wants to discard me like a pair of old shoes because of her. The chemistry between the two of them is as clear as day, and as I watch them, I realize that in all the years that we have been married, he has never laughed so heartily at something I said. “Oh, please! Don’t act so surprised. Did you think a handsome and rich dude like my brother was going to remain with someone like you for the rest of his life? It was only a matter of time.” My sister-in-law, Amanda says, rolling her eyes as she peers at me maliciously. I’m not listening to any of what Amanda is saying though, because I’m too busy trying to make sense of what I’m seeing and the events of earlier this evening before I came here for dinner. Seeing Derek step into the restaurant with his ex hanging all over him as though it is the most natural thing in the world is the worst thing he could have done to me after breaking my heart into pieces. I notice the exact moment that he sees me sitting at a table with his mother and sister. He definitely does not know that we are going to be here and looks shocked when he sees us, but he regains his composure almost immediately. Then he leads his ex to a table on the other side of the room, his hands on the small of her back like a perfect gentleman. Seeing him act so perfectly towards her when he doesn’t even like to go out with me in public often makes my heart feel like a spear has been plunged into it. The table has obviously been reserved for them. Once she is seated, he stalks over to our table. “What are you playing at now, Amanda?” He asks his sister tightly, bending to accept the kiss his mother offers. He carefully avoids my eyes while he does this. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Anyway, happy birthday to you.” Amanda replies, playing coy, but she can't hide the mischief in her voice or demeanor. It's then I put two and two together and realize that she was the one who must have changed the venue I chose to this one, somehow knowing that Derek was going to come there with his ex, who is her best friend. Amanda would do anything to cause me pain and remind me that I am not one of them. It has always been that way. I wonder how long Derek must have been seeing his ex, with both of them laughing behind my back at how gullible I am. “Good evening, Mrs. Turner. Good evening, Amanda. Hello to you.” A female voice comes. The last sentence is directed at me. Without looking, I know that it is Derek’s ex who has come up to our table. I watch as a happy smile graces Amanda and her mother’s faces when they see her. They both give her tight hugs and I feel my throat close as I watch them. I have never been hugged by either woman in the years since I knew them. In fact, they usually go out of their way to either avoid me or cause me problems. The three women are whispering excitedly among themselves now, excluding me and making me feel like an unwanted piece of trash in their midst. My eyes meet Derek’s and I find that he’s watching me with a speculative look in his eyes. However, he does not say anything. Loneliness and sadness, as I have never known them before, hit me, and a huge lump forms in my throat. I will never be loved or respected in this family, especially now that this woman is back in their lives. I know that as well as I know my name. Unable to watch them a second longer, I get up abruptly, muttering excuses, and leave the table to go outside, not that anyone except Derek notices me leaving. He doesn’t follow me, which is just as well. I need a breath of fresh air away from him and his family. The image of his very beautiful ex, with her perfect blonde hair and expensive dress which is cut low to reveal her ample cleavage, refuses to get out of my head as I stand outside there in the freezing cold, with my hair whipping around my face. Is that the type of woman he likes? No wonder he can't bring himself to like me, no matter how much I try to get him to do so. Suddenly, a whiff of a very sweet and feminine perfume wafts around me as the restaurant door opens and a second later, I hear her voice … the voice of the woman with whom my husband is still clearly so besotted.

Chapter 3 Indifference

“Hello … I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself to you properly. I’m Denise, and I’m a family friend of the Turners. It’s nice to officially meet Derek’s wife. I must say that he did really well for himself. You’re a very beautiful woman.” The woman, Denise says, taking me aback. She sounds nicer than I expect. “Oh, um, well, thanks.”“It’s the truth, but you’re welcome. That aside, I have a feeling that you and I are going to be such good friends.”“Unfortunately, I’m afraid that is not going to happen. Derek served me divorce papers this evening and is hell-bent on me signing them, so I’m going to be gone soon enough.” I divulge, then immediately wish I hadn't told her that. What am I doing confiding in a total stranger about the fact that Derek wants a divorce? At my words, Denise looks shell-shocked. In the next moment though, what suspiciously looks like happiness fleets across her face for a split second, but then, it is gone as soon as it appears, leaving me to wonder if I imagined it in the first place. Before she can say anything in response to what I told her, the restaurant door opens and out comes Derek, looking worried. “Denise, you shouldn’t wander off like that when we have dinner with the clients. It’s not a good look.” He tells her. “You’re right, and I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure that your wife is alright.” Denise replies. I wonder if I am the only one who noticed the condescending way she said the words ‘your wife.’ “There is no need for that. She’s a grown woman and she can look after herself.” Derek replies. He keeps looking in between us and I can tell that he is wondering what must have transpired between us before he came outside. “I’m standing right here. You don’t have to talk over my head as though I’m a child.” I say to him, but his eyes are fixed on Denise, totally ignoring me. “Denise, go back to the table first and take care of the other guests. I will be back soon." Derek tells her softly. In all our three years of marriage, he has never spoken to me in such a gentle tone. “Okay, Derek.” Denise replies just as softly, her eyes locked on his. She touches his arm and then with seeming politeness, nods at me before turning to leave. I watch her go and to my utter shock, just before she enters the restaurant, she turns and sneers at me. I knew it! She was only pretending to be nice, but now that Derek’s back is turned to her, she is showing exactly who she is. An uncomfortable silence follows her departure, and unable to keep my thoughts and suspicions to myself any longer, I speak. “Who is that woman to you and why was she hanging all over you?” I ask Derek. “She’s a business partner. I did tell you that I was going to sign an important deal tonight, didn’t I? Well, the deal is signed and we’ve come to celebrate with dinner. The other partners will join us in a bit. I hope you’ve signed the divorce papers I asked you to sign.” He replies. “I don’t believe that a business partner would attach herself to you the way she did and neither will you be all over her like that.”“Believe whatever you want. It doesn’t matter at all.”“What I think doesn’t matter to you?” I ask him. “Not in the least. Maybe try and act like a classy woman tonight and try not to create silly and meaningless scenarios in your head. Do you think you can do that for just one night?”“Oh, a classy woman like your dear ex, whom you're still clearly in love with and whom you're trying to pass off as a business acquaintance? Are you hoping that I’ll sign the papers before having a chance to figure out who she is, so you can continue your sordid affair?” I ask him angrily, tears of hurt at his betrayal falling from my face, but he looks extremely bored and nonchalant and this pisses me off. “Yes, try to be a classy lady like Denise instead of acting like an illiterate commoner. Did you not see how she carried and comported herself? Is that too much to ask?”“Yes, it’s too much to ask. Do you know how embarrassing it is to me as your wife when people see your ex hanging all over you, especially when you don’t ever show such affection towards me?” I ask him, my voice quavering in pain. “Great! You’re going to embarrass here in front of all these people. Why am I not surprised? It’s sort of your thing.”“Oh, so now I’m an embarrassment to you?”“Yes, you are … a very big one and you’ve always been. I wish you would act your age instead of throwing a tantrum like a toddler over trivial things.” Derek tells me, his tone sounding very patronizing. At that point, I feel unaccustomed hatred for him course through me, along with a huge wave of self-pity. How on earth did I find myself in this sort of mess?

Chapter 4 No respite

Determined not to embarrass myself by losing my composure, I turn away from him and walk back to my table, my legs unsteady and my eyes swollen from unshed tears. I notice that Denise is now seated with two other men and a woman, who are all dressed in formal wear. They must be the other clients that he had talked about. Okay, so maybe he was telling the truth about the business meeting, but I still have a strong hunch that he and Denise have something going on. I can see it in the way they can't stop looking at or smiling at each other and in their general body language too.I decide to stop torturing myself and ignore them for the rest of the evening. There is no rest for me, however, because as soon as I sit down, Amanda and her mother start what they do best … which is antagonizing me in a bid to provoke and get a reaction out of me. “Barren, ugly bitch! I don’t know what my brother ever saw in you.” Amanda taunts me after several minutes have passed since I returned to the table. The words burn into my soul like a red-hot knife and cause unbidden tears to spring to my eyes. I do not let the tears fall though, but blink them back desperately. This accusation is very unfair, considering the fact that it is her brother’s fault that I do not have a child yet, but my private life is none of her business, so I don’t bother to tell her this. “Yeah. One would have thought that she would have made herself useful by now and at least produced an heir to my son’s fortune, but all she does is sit in the house day in, day out, eating everything in sight, spending my son’s money at will, while having nothing to show for it.” My mother-in-law adds her input. “So when are you going to release Derek from the shackles in which you have bound him and let him find someone else who would give my mother the grandchildren she so desperately wants, since it’s obvious that you’ve failed very woefully at that task, just as you’ve failed at everything in life?” Amanda asks me. I try not to let her hateful words get to me, but today has been a horrible day for me, and I’m finding it difficult to ignore her barbs as I usually would. My mouth opens of it's own accord and I hear myself speak. “Maybe you should try to grant your mother’s desperate wish for children by giving them to her yourself. You’re older than I am, after all, but you can’t even snag yourself a man, not to talk of keeping him long enough to get married to him and have kids with him.” I retort angrily. Both of them gasp out loud my words, which is no surprise because never in the three years since I married into the family, have I once dared to talk back to either of them, or even to my aloof husband for that matter. “I … I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me … I shouldn’t have …” I begin to apologize, but before I can finish stammering out my apologies, Amanda gets up with the quickness of a striking snake, extends her hand and delivers a resounding slap to my face. My cheek stings as though it has been scalded, and I’m sure that if I looked into a mirror at that moment, I would see the imprint of Amanda’s palm on it because of how hard the slap had been. To say that I’m humiliated is an understatement. A deathly silence has descended on the restaurant, and I can feel everyone’s eyes on us. I’m too embarrassed to look over at Derek’s table to see if he saw what just happened and if he will come to my defense. Who am I kidding though? Derek prefers not to meddle in affairs relating to his family and me, so he definitely won't be getting involved in this either. I'm sure of that fact. Amanda and her mother are having a low argument, with her mother telling her that she should have waited until we got home to teach me a lesson instead of causing a scene in public. Several seconds pass, and I keep my gaze on my hands, which are intertwined in my laps so I won't meet anybody’s gaze. Slowly, people resume their conversations and continue eating their food. Nobody comes to our table to find out what's wrong, not even the restaurant’s staff. Unable to stand the humiliation any longer, I get up abruptly and head blindly for the restroom, a sob tearing it's way out of me, but there, I am met with what is the final straw for me that night … or so I think at that moment. I have no way of knowing that the horrible events of the night are far from over yet, but I find this out a few moments later when I get to the restroom. There in the empty restroom, I stumble on my husband, whom I didn’t even realize had left his table, passionately kissing his ex, the same woman he called a business associate.

Chapter 5 Acceptance

Buzz … I receive a message on my phone.  I wonder if it is going to be Derek who is checking up on me. After all, I left the restaurant crying and in shock. I dive for the phone, hoping that he has sent a reasonable explanation for what I saw. One glance at the phone screen and I see that the message is indeed from him. However, any hope that I had that he is going to explain himself dies a quick death the minute I scan the contents of the message. It reads, "Denise is pregnant. She is about to give birth to an heir for me. Our child needs a family. Sign the divorce agreement by tomorrow." A new message from Derek's phone number. If I had thought that nothing could hurt me anymore after the series of events that I have faced this day, I thought wrong. This new unwanted piece of information hits me like a ton of brick. Bile rises in my throat and I rush straight into the bathroom just in time to throw up the contents of my stomach until there's nothing left in it, at which point I begin to dry heave. Once the dry heaving stops, I stay there in the bathroom with my head resting against the toilet seat and moaning in pain as my head pounds in agony. No wonder Derek hasn’t come home yet. He’s over at his pregnant ex’s house having sex while I'm here feeling hurt at his betrayal and alone. Obviously, he does not feel any remorse for his disgusting actions earlier, and I am a big fool to even have hoped that there would be an explanation for him kissing his ex. It is clear now that he and his family would never regard me as a human being worthy of respect. This is no way to live at all and I feel sudden hatred for him encompassing my entire being. This hatred propels me out of bed and I silently pad downstairs and pick up the divorce papers from the table in the living room where I left them after Derek handed them to me earlier that night. I take the papers back to my room and before I can lose my resolve, I sign them. There’s no point in forcing this marriage to continue any longer. I know that as well as I know my own name. Despite forcing myself to sleep, sleep eludes me and my eyes remain open until dawn. As early as possible, I go to Derek’s office with the divorce settlement. I do not meet him in his office, which is just as well, because knowing what I do now, I don't know how I'll react when I see him. Instead, I hand over the signed divorce papers to his secretary, who looks shocked at my appearance. I’m certainly not looking my best, so I can't blame the man for his reaction. “Um, madam. The boss asked me to give this to you when you come in.” The man tells me as I’m about to leave, handing me some official-looking documents. “What is it?”I ask him, not taking the documents from him. “It's a fifty-million-dollar property deal. It is to be your compensation for the, er, the divorce.” He stammers, looking very embarrassed. “Tell your boss to keep his guilt compensation. I don’t need anything from him. He’ll surely get what he deserves … it’s only a matter of time.” I tell the man in a hollow and mechanical tone. I walked out of Derek’s company. Looking up at the sky, I breathe a long sigh of relief. I just ended my three-year marriage, a marriage for which I gave everything. Now that the deed is done, I find that I’m not as hurt as I had thought I would be. That marriage was a disaster waiting to happen and it is time for new beginnings. Maybe the hurt will come later when I am more settled ... I have no way of knowing right now. In the past three years, I have never contacted my family to be with Derek. It's time to leave this shameful existence and get back to my old life. I dial a number on my phone, which has remained stuck in my head even after all these years. “Come and pick me up, please,” I say into the phone and then head back to Derek’s house to pack up my stuff and wait for my ride to arrive. I can't think of his house as home ever again. No, not after all that I endured there. It does not take me long to pack, because I take only my clothes, which I stuff into several suitcases. Not long after that, I am on my way away from Derek’s house. Thus, I move out of his life without so much as a notice, marveling at how life can change in an instant. It’s been a long time coming.