Isaac still remembered his bright laughter when they first met. That small, smiling boy across from him, that look and the outstretched hand, it was as if they had been designed to captivate his adolescent heart at the first awkward glance. Like a ray of sunshine, his presence dispersed the clouds and made the shy and somewhat antisocial child see the world differently. Like the bright fireworks that were set off on holidays in the palace square. This bright firework in Isaac's life was the future Emperor.

Studying together at the academy, fencing lessons, and helping the future heir with one topic or another that Isaac understood better. All of this has people talking about how they had a beautiful friendship... but was it a friendship?

Perhaps it had been true in the beginning, or at least Isaac couldn't fully understand his feelings. Everything mixed and transformed over time into an incomprehensible ball of wool that became increasingly tangled as they grew up. It started out as a normal admiration. The Emperor was the first person for whom Isaac was willing to come out of his introvert shell and follow no matter what adventure the heir to the throne dragged him into. Is it still worth it?

The change in dynamics came rather suddenly. That awkward kiss in the Imperial Library, among the huge bookshelves and dusty books. The gentle and trembling touch of lips. Isaac was never the same again. He couldn't think of anything else since then but those lips that pressed so tenderly against him and took all thoughts from his head. His lips. But what did they have now?

Of course, Isaac realized that their teenage idyll wouldn't last forever. Such a relationship was not socially accepted, or at least no one took it seriously when it came to marriage. Let alone being the consort of a future Emperor? Impossible. But still, Isaac's feelings were more than just the word 'love.'

This idea was crazy and horrible from the start. He should have given up back then, but for the chance to be with the Emperor, he would have given anything. No, he already gave everything. Isaac had turned his whole miserable life upside down. The pact with his sister that sent her far away to Venice, and then his own fake death that destroyed a man like Isaac Burrell for society. He destroyed himself, forced to play the role of his twin sister and became the Emperor's wife. Their shared secret, a plan for an impossible love that was so eager to be kept. Mistake. Mistake. Mistake. The joy of knowing that his body was feminine and graceful enough that he could perfectly wear corseted dresses and wigs without arousing suspicion was quickly replaced by a sense of despair and fatigue.

'Why am I doing this?' Tears were a constant companion, and the aloofness of the Emperor was not making the situation any better. Isaac no longer understood who he was or why all this was happening to him. The cold and the feeling of abandonment was getting under his skin, making him more and more often give in to fits of hysteria and attack the Emperor with various barbed comments. Not at all like that calm and timid man. It didn't make it any better, but what else could he do?

His emotions now seemed to have a life of their own, overriding any logical thoughts. And the aristocrats' recent talk about the Emperor's 'wife' not being able to get pregnant loomed over him like a guillotine. His psyche was sliding down the slope at the thought. He wanted it badly. He wanted to be able to get pregnant, if it was physically possible. But there wasn't. So when he heard the rumor that it was likely the Emperor would take a concubine, Isaac's mind finally broken.

The way he burst into the Emperor's office was like a hurricane that swept everything in its path. The door slammed shut with great force, banging against the wall with the handle before it closed again, and Isaac's eyes filled with tears.

'Are you serious?! I ruined my life so that you could end up with a concubine? Do you want to keep humiliating me so badly, you sadistic bastard? I'd rather you just break my legs and arms, but damn it, don't do it,' Isaac was at his last gasp as he screamed and cried. He had been broken for a long time now, so much so that he was offering such things, just so long as the Emperor stayed, just so long as he still needed him.