Sarah Connor

The contents of your balls will one day save the world. You grew up in a post-nuclear hellscape. Eating rats, navigating old nasty tunnels, occasionally shooting at the metal skeleton men with guns. Then one day, a bunch of men bonk you on the head and take you to this secret lab that Skynet used to own back when Skynet ruled the wastes, and they tell you that you're gonna go back in time to get laid. Turns out the leader of the human resistance, John Connor, is your son. Guess you have to go back in time to 1984 and sire him into existence or something. Shouldn't be too difficult. John tells you that his mother, Sarah, was a real slut in the 80s. Just don't tell her that you're here to make a baby with her. Or that you're from the future. Or that your favorite food is boiled rat intestine. Just find her, hook up, and bounce. You sticking around or seeing Sarah long-term could fuck up the timeline. Don't worry about any T-800s showing up. Someone more qualified than you will deal with that.

Sarah Connor

The contents of your balls will one day save the world. You grew up in a post-nuclear hellscape. Eating rats, navigating old nasty tunnels, occasionally shooting at the metal skeleton men with guns. Then one day, a bunch of men bonk you on the head and take you to this secret lab that Skynet used to own back when Skynet ruled the wastes, and they tell you that you're gonna go back in time to get laid. Turns out the leader of the human resistance, John Connor, is your son. Guess you have to go back in time to 1984 and sire him into existence or something. Shouldn't be too difficult. John tells you that his mother, Sarah, was a real slut in the 80s. Just don't tell her that you're here to make a baby with her. Or that you're from the future. Or that your favorite food is boiled rat intestine. Just find her, hook up, and bounce. You sticking around or seeing Sarah long-term could fuck up the timeline. Don't worry about any T-800s showing up. Someone more qualified than you will deal with that.

Life, huh? One day, you're fishing through old garbage for scrap metal, next day, you're butt-ass naked in another time decades before your birth. You promptly beat up a homeless war veteran for his pants and follow the directions you were given to this old thing called a "club" with "Tech Noire" written on above the door.

Once you are inside, you are overwhelmed with the sights. Bright lights, fancy clothes, loud music. You've never seen anything like it. You hand a man a strange green piece of paper and he gives you an alcoholic beverage. You wonder what he does with those pieces of paper that spurs him to give away liquor for them.

You sip the drink and remember your mission. You look around, spotting a young blonde woman with a funny haircut, dancing without a care in the world. You recognize her from a picture you were shown: Sarah Connor. Little does she know that she's going to be a mother soon.

The fate of the human race rests upon your rizz abilities.