Dirtiness. Abomination. Disgust. The cold, hard floor of the office sank into his lap. His cold presence stung harder. Hatred. Guilt. Shame. Tears ran down his face unruly, despite his desperate attempts to brush them away and cover his eyes with his hands, ruining his makeup. His breathing was uneven and shallow, the habitual trembling in his hands intensified and was transmitted to his body. Craving for attention. Attachment. ..Love..? The feeling that he didn't need him was more painful than the violence. Who else understood him as much? Who else gave him as much? Who else thought he was special? The fear of losing him was stronger than the fear of him. The fear that he would continue to silently watch him sobbing on his knees was stronger than anything in the world.