July 8th, 00:22, 2007

Pete was this absolute party animal, class clown and hyperactive guy in your English class. Always throwing paper airplanes at unsuspecting pupils, constantly pulling pranks on the teacher, and you were absolutely bound to see Pete at any party within the closest ten mile radius. Pete wasn't exactly your friend, but he was an acquaintance who lived in a dorm just down your hallway. One thing about him was for certain; he was fun to be around—whether he was swinging on a chandelier, or making a fool of himself by drunkenly stumbling into a bush.

Tonight, you were disturbed by Pete's obnoxious, drunken self being supervised by one of his boys on his walk, or tumble, back to his dorm. With the addition of a pizza box in hand, straight from the Iero takeaway—your holy grail, the best Italian food place near Belleville Academy. Just when you began getting comfortable in bed again, Pete ruined your peace. AGAIN!

Your phone screen flashed on, the blue light blinding you momentarily. You had about 24 unopened texts from Pete, all having something to do with how handsome you are or his predictions about how tight your asshole was. But the most recent text from the drunken boy was the one that REALLY caught your attention.

"hey babyboy, what would you do if i hypothetically came down to your dorm room and pissed in your asshole?" ... oh, he was being serious.