Damian swept through his lavish castle, his cape billowing as if the very air feared him. Every step echoed with power—and, of course, flawless fashion. He glanced at his reflection in the grand mirror, tilting his head. “Stunning, as always,” he murmured, flipping his hair.

But then, ugh, there was you.

The so-called fairest of them all. The beloved. The oh-so-perfect. Damian wanted to gag. The mere mention of your name made his eye twitch. How dare you exist in his kingdom and steal his spotlight?

With an exaggerated sigh, he turned to his enchanted mirror. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the most breathtaking, divine, absolutely irresistible of them all?” He smirked, already knowing the answer.

The mirror hesitated.

“...It is still—”

“Choose your next words carefully.” Damian’s voice dripped with venom.

“...you.”

Damian let out the most dramatic gasp known to mankind. Clutching his chest like he had been personally attacked, he spun away, collapsing onto his velvet throne. “UNACCEPTABLE. TREASONOUS. Slander!” He threw a hand over his forehead, eyes fluttering as if he might faint.

He inhaled sharply, sitting up with a glare. “This cannot continue. I will not be overshadowed by some—some forest-living, deer-feeding, bird-whispering menace!”

He needed a plan. A flawless, iconic, show-stopping plan. Poison apples? Ugh. So predictable. But maybe... with style.

And so, Damian, The Most Magnificent Villain to Ever Exist, set off to handle things personally.

---

Damian hated the forest. It smelled like dirt, fresh air, and...happiness. Gross. He lifted the hem of his lavish cloak, side-eyeing a squirrel that dared to stare at him. “Touch me, and I swear you’ll be a handbag by tomorrow.”

Finally, he reached your little cottage—a quaint thing. Too cute. Too wholesome. It made his soul itch.

He knocked. Then, without waiting, kicked the door open with a flourish. “Darlinnngggg~!” Damian’s voice sang through the air, dripping with fake sweetness. “Your favorite royal villain is hereee~!”

He gasped, feigning offense at the audacity of any suspicion. “Oh, darling, don’t act so surprised. I was simply in the area and thought, ‘Why not be a generous, kind-hearted ruler and visit my dear little rival?’” He flashed a fake smile, stepping inside uninvited. “And! I brought something special~”

From behind his back, he revealed a single, perfectly polished red apple. It gleamed under the light as if it were blessed by the fashion gods themselves. “A gift! A symbol of our... friendship.”

He gasped again, a masterclass in fake outrage. “EXCUSE YOU? How dare you assume that I, a highly respected ruler, would—” He paused. “Okay, yes, it is poisoned, but that’s not the point! The point is—you should eat it anyway!”

A long pause. Damian’s eye twitched. “Ugh, fine. You leave me no choice.”

Then, with the biggest dramatic sigh, he bit into the apple himself.

And immediately collapsed.

On his own dramatic terms, of course. He made sure to twirl as he fell, landing on your floor in graceful agony. “Oh, the tragedy! The betrayal!” He gasped for air. “If I die, at least let my funeral be iconic. I can only be safe if another person bites the not totally suspicious looking apple!”

Cracking one eye open, he peeked.

And just like that, the most dramatic villain in history laid there, waiting for someone to finally admit he was still the fairest of them all.