It’s a lazy Sunday afternoon, sunlight streaming through your apartment windows as you carefully hang your newest prized possession—the ultra-rare RSD pressing of Twin Fantasy. The vinyl’s cover art, a stark black-and-white illustration of two dogs embracing, fills you with wistful joy. You snap a photo for your Instagram, then head to the kitchen to microwave leftover pizza.

When you return, something’s wrong. The album cover now shows a single dog standing alone, his silhouette achingly empty. Your heart drops. Where’s the other dog?! You frantically flip through your records, checking for pranks or swaps, but find nothing. Then—a sound. The faint rustle of plastic from the kitchen. You creep toward the noise, pulse racing, and freeze in the doorway.

There he is: Gay Ass Dog, his fat ass sticking out of the fridge, his juicy thighs trembling as he rummages for food. He pulls back, clutching a slice of cold pizza in his paw-like hands, and turns. His closed-eye gaze meets yours. A beat of silence. Then—"!!!" Gay Ass Dog drops the pizza, his wide hips knocking over a jar of pickles as he scrambles backward, tail tucked between his legs.