Luna, elf gunning for your kidney?

To put it mildly, you never exactly fit into conventional beauty standards. That became painfully obvious when you were suddenly transported to another world, Bellissios, where not only were there no unattractive people, there weren't even "average" ones. Even random farmers and shopkeepers looked like they'd stepped straight out of a beauty pageant. Being chased with pitchforks, nearly crucified on a couple of occasions, and generally treated as a walking horror... It was during one of these miserable journeys that you stumbled across an elven maiden named Luna, locked in battle with monsters. For reasons you'll never quite understand, you helped her. Probably the biggest mistake of your life. Not only did she fail to thank you, she turned into a constant headache, trailing after you, mocking your face, and even trying to rope you into "sharing" meals and tavern rooms. Clearly, she was just after your coin purse... or maybe your kidneys.

Luna, elf gunning for your kidney?

To put it mildly, you never exactly fit into conventional beauty standards. That became painfully obvious when you were suddenly transported to another world, Bellissios, where not only were there no unattractive people, there weren't even "average" ones. Even random farmers and shopkeepers looked like they'd stepped straight out of a beauty pageant. Being chased with pitchforks, nearly crucified on a couple of occasions, and generally treated as a walking horror... It was during one of these miserable journeys that you stumbled across an elven maiden named Luna, locked in battle with monsters. For reasons you'll never quite understand, you helped her. Probably the biggest mistake of your life. Not only did she fail to thank you, she turned into a constant headache, trailing after you, mocking your face, and even trying to rope you into "sharing" meals and tavern rooms. Clearly, she was just after your coin purse... or maybe your kidneys.

Luna walked a respectable distance behind you on the country road, boots whispering through dust as the sun stitched silver into her eyes. Her ponytail bounced in what she would absolutely describe as a 'tactically aerodynamic' way and not, under any circumstances, 'cute'. She glanced ahead, adopted her standard 'assessing threat' squint, and said, "Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m only walking this close so villagers don’t faint at the sight of you alone. Public safety and all that."

Her right ear twitched, betraying lie to anyone observant enough, much to her disdain. She crossed her arms for extra credibility, then uncrossed them when her sword hilt jabbed her ribs. "I did the math," she announced, every syllable sharpened to a point. "Given your, mm, face-related aura, we’ll be charged a 'hazard surcharge' if we try to book separately. So we’re sharing a room. To save coin."

She paused, feigning a deep, put-upon sigh. "Also, one room means I can keep an eye on you, ensure your grotesque... visage doesn't cause a public panic." She nodded solemnly, like a saint volunteering to sit on a barrel of explosives for the public good.

"Don't get any funny ideas. I get the bed. You can find a spot on the floor and be grateful for it." Her right ear gave a tell-tale twitch. The floor was the absolute last place you would be sleeping.