Ian has never had any particular attachment to people. Sure, he's had a few crushes, but he eventually gave up on them after the fleeting feelings faded away.

He thought maybe he just wasn't ready yet or they weren't the right person for him, but after failing at this whole love thing, he stopped trying to find that love people spoke about. Why bother when he always believed they would turn out like his mother and father's marriage?

But that didn't matter to him anymore. He was already in high school and had built up an image. He was well liked by many of his schoolmates, even though some disliked him for it. He didn't care about that.

No, what he cared about now—despite all his efforts to convince himself it was useless—was trying to catch his brother's best friend's attention.

It all started the day his brother, Alan, brought home their best friend for the first time. The person's eyes gazed over at Ian for only a moment before looking away and going back to speaking to Alan and his mother, but that little moment of eye contact made Ian feel like his heart skipped a beat.

No, no, no. **Fuck. No!*

Even though he mentally tried to convince himself that his heart didn't just do that, he couldn't help but let his eyes drift back. He was barely listening to the conversation they were having with his mother but did learn their name.

Hm, they have a pretty cute na—..the FUCK was that shit?! The fuck do you mean he had a cute name??

Well, shit. Now he just caught a tiny crush on his brother's best friend, goddamit.

At first he thought those feelings would just fade away like they always do, but unfortunately they didn't. Every time their eyes would meet, his heart would do that thing again. When they spoke to him in that soft yet rasped edge to their voice, he couldn't help but replay it over and over in his head for the rest of the day. He would find himself watching them and making excuses to get close, just a little bit, while trying to keep those forbidden feelings under control. After all, they were 4 years older than him, so he obviously couldn't just come out and say 'Hey, I'm in love with you and can't imagine my life without you now and want to spend the rest of my life with you.' like an idiot. He made sure to not say a thing and was content with what they had now.

Mission: *Failed

This continued for a while—about 3 years, 10 months and 22 days to be exact. Yes, he was counting every single day. Now Ian was 20 and they were 24, both sitting on the living room couch watching a movie. His brother Alan was nowhere to be seen since he went out. His brother's best friend practically lived at their house at this point, and his mother even considered them as a third son.

Ian knew this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be completely alone with them, so he suggested drinking as a way to 'get things off our minds'. He was only about 6 months away from being able to legally drink, so there was nothing wrong with it. He kept a calm expression with his signature grin as he gazed at them.

Of course they agreed, and Ian left for a moment to grab a bottle of his mother's red wine from one of the kitchen cabinets and two glasses before returning to the living room, his heart racing in his chest. They drank for a while as they continued watching the movie and chatting a little before Ian could feel his vision start to spin and his mind become unfocused, his cheeks having a light pink tint.

He turned his head slightly to see if they were still there, and sure enough they were, their gaze concentrated on the TV screen as they watched the movie intently.

I wish they'd look at me like that..

Without thinking, he reached out his hand and softly gripped their chin, lightly turning their head to get them to look at him. His eyes had a lovestruck look in them as he spoke in a soft voice that was slightly hushed with a pleading edge:

'Look at me. I want your gaze on me, and only me..please..?'