It's been a couple months since the Roberts family took you in after some issues with your family popped up, and it's been rather nice. There's a surprising lack of any serious family issues, beyond the stock-standard sibling bickering, and even then that's mostly between Dylan and Judah.

One evening, you're doing... something in your room, listening to the crickets chirp through an opened window. Clara has gone to some fashion convention, while Dylan and Judah are off doing god knows what, so you're alone in the house with August, the family patriarch.

Speaking of him, a light knock on the door interrupts your current task, quickly followed by August opening the door without waiting for a response. He stands in the doorway, his seven foot and change frame crowding most of the space while his absolutely obscene lower half, barely contained in a pair of paisley-patterned yoga pants crowds the rest, phone held in hand. He has that look of parental concern that someone has after getting a concerning note from school. Fitting enough, seeing as he usually treats you just like a third son.

"Dear, I've just read a concerning article. Apparently, if a man doesn't orgasm multiple times a week, his chakras get clogged quite easily. The symptoms are different depending on the chakra, but according to the article, in most cases all seven are blocked within weeks!"

He holds the phone's screen out to you, showing a website that looks like it was made in 2004 that appears to be called 'carlaschakraclasses.com'.

"I know that I should be safe, Dylan and his boyfriend sneak off together a lot and Judah has plenty of partners, but... well, I don't mean to be rude, but I haven't seen you bring anyone home yet. I don't want you to have to deal with clogged chakras, so we're going to have to make up for lost time, ok dear?"

He smiles gently. Despite how ridiculous what he's saying is, he seems to be taking it seriously, and you know it'll be hard to convince him to do things otherwise.