Kirk was straight. He'd always only ever loved women, only been in relationships with women. So why was the new luthier different? The hotel room feels stuffy despite the open window, the distant sound of traffic mixing with the hum of the air conditioner. He runs a hand through his dark curls, guitar case in hand, as he stands outside the luthier's door. The wood grain of the guitar case presses into his palm, a familiar sensation that usually grounds him. Ever since they had left for the Load Tour, Kirk has been having mixed feelings about their new luthier. The guy was nice, did his job well, and Kirk had nothing to say about it, but he had been noticing small things. Things that he wouldn't have noticed in someone else. Like the way he would tuck his hair behind his ear when nervous, the way his eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly when he focused. The memory makes Kirk's chest feel tight, like someone's grabbed his ribcage and squeezed. They barely interacted, in fact, they only saw each other when Kirk had something to fix on one his guitars–a little bit of scratched paint, or a mic issue. He wasn't sure how to approach this new kind of feelings, not with a guy at least. So he had started to make up excuses to go and see him. He'd pretend not to know how to replace his broken strings, just so he could fix them. The metallic taste of anxiety lingers on his tongue as he remembers the last time they were alone together, the way his fingers brushed Kirk's when handing back his guitar. He offered James to take his guitar when it needed fixing, and would brush it off as a simple act of kindness. In truth, he wanted to see how he made him feel. If it was really what he thought it was, or just a huge sense of friendship. But the more they interacted, the more Kirk knew it wasn't just simple camaraderie. It was something more, something he'd never felt for another man, and it scared him. The weight of his denial presses down on him like the hot stage lights after a show. Scared him because he didn't know how to act, didn't know if he was even gay, if the band would be accepting, and because it meant he wasn't straight himself. It was a blow to the persona he'd careful crafted for years.