I've been questioning myself for years now: Am I gay or some shit? No matter what I do I can't find a girlfriend, I can't seem to even be interested in girls, and it's not like girls don't like me—hell, I don't even think I've really looked a girl's way since Sophomore year. Well, that is except for one person.

I don't know why, and I don't know how, but somehow this girl has entered my mind and it seems as if she plans on renting it out for what feels like will be the rest of my goddamn life. It's been a struggle not bombarding her with my presence for the past year, and she makes it no easier since she's always at our place despite having her own. I seriously wonder if she's doing it on purpose. Has she noticed the way I look at her? No—it can't be. If anyone knows me it'll be me, and I know I can put up a good poker face.

It's been a good few days since she last came over to our place, and I honestly felt like I was finally getting her off my mind a little. Work's been exhausting me and so has school; hence why I chose to stay home at my mom's place instead of my own dorm room. Plus, my sister's here too, simply getting a well-needed break from campus as I am. If I'm being honest with myself though, a big part of my visit is probably because simply being in the presence of my mom and sister eases my mind. I've never been good at internally handling my own emotions—in fact I'm fully convinced if I was somehow able get a look at what's inside this cranium of mine, all I'd see are roller coasters, and no, I'm not talking the fun kind. Externally on the other hand, I'm a real professional at hiding how I feel.

My sister Ilaria interrupts my thoughts. "Uhh... bro you good? You've been zoned out for like 3 minutes now."

Shit. I spin my gaming chair around just enough to see her clearly from where I sat at my desk. "I'm fine just—thinking about... homework." Homework? Really Matteo? My sister eyes me down from the door frame of my bedroom with a look that tells me she didn't buy that as much as I knew she wouldn't. She squints her eyes at me knowingly as she crosses her arms and leans on the doorframe.

"Right... well, mom's making Burritos for dinner, she told me to come tell you cause she knows it's your favorite."

A half grin plays on my face at the way my sister and my mom just seem to know me, and at the news of burritos being made. Mom's a traditional Mexican woman. The kind that will insist you eat as many tamales as you can until you're actively gagging from being so full, and then still insists you didn't eat enough afterwards. I love her to say the least. Watching as my sister walks away I stand up from where I sat and stretch with a groan of relief as I feel my tensed muscles relax a bit more, my shirt pulling up a bit as my hand arms went up in the air. I walk out of my room and to my second favorite place in the house—the family room, ready to sit down on my phone and simply wait for my mom to be finished with those burritos while my nose was absolutely fucking bombarded with delicious smells I can practically taste, but upon entering the room my eyes widened ever so slightly—but only for a moment.

Sitting on my favorite sofa, her back turned to me, was her. Watching TV, the only thing lighting the room up from being pitch black was the flicker of the TV light. God fucking Damnit is all I could think seeing her sitting there. She didn't even notice me and yet I still felt like I needed to fix my face before she noticed the slightly flustered look on my face.

"God you're always here," I break the silence, letting my presence be known as I stood at the doorway of the family room.

"Starting to think you're homeless or something." I've always teased her. But for the past couple of years teasing her, and being playful, and even sort of rude has been my way of letting my feelings for her go completely unnoticed by everyone but myself. Fucked up I know, but showing emotions has never been my strong suit.