Chapter 1 Chapter 0001

They say when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, but what if the lemons are rotten? What then? A more optimistic person would find something useful to do with rotten lemons, but not me. I was fed up of being dealt awful cards. “What the hell is this?” Noah growled, his eyes alight with spite. “You’ve got to be kidding me. What kind of sick, awful joke is this!?” He shouted, drawing attention to us. “You wench, what did you do!?” He glared at me with reddened eyes that I could not avoid. “What’s going on?” People around us whispered as the alpha’s son cursed at me, his eyes alight with so much malice it seemed he wanted to bury me underneath it. “Babe, what’s the matter?” The blonde bombshell attached to his side asked with a pout, trying to get his attention back on her. “Get off me!” He shrugged her off and stalked forward, taking purposeful strides toward me. My legs trembled as I tried to flee but my body had gone into lockdown. It did that a lot when it sensed danger. I’d become a frozen rabbit withdrawing into an artfully carved shell perfected over the years, a shell that I entered at the first sign of danger to save myself. “You can’t be my mate.” He hissed the words into my face, spittle flying everywhere. “You’re not good enough to stand beside me.” His words were inaudible even to me. He spoke them as if he feared someone else would hear. He was ashamed of me and I didn’t blame him. I was ashamed of myself too. I was a shameful person. It was shameful that at twenty, I didn’t have a wolf and it was even more shameful how I let these people toss me about without fighting back. “I can’t accept you,” Noah growled into my face, his breath reeking of alcohol. “Okay,” I answered with a shrug that hid the anguish wrenching my insides apart. It was my worst nightmare playing out right before me. I’d dreamt of finding my mate for so long but without a wolf, I knew the chances of rejection were high. However, it didn’t mean I did not hope. Mates are two parts of a whole. Fated mates did not reject each other but my life had to be a contradiction. “I know I am not good enough,” I muttered to Noah who was still breathing in my face. “I understand.” He reeled back in surprise at my calmness. ‘What? Did you expect me to fall at your feet and beg to be accepted? I have a bit of pride, you know? I may be an orphaned, wolfless omega but I still have my self-respect, no matter how small,’ I thought. “You –“ Noah stuttered and in a minute, his pale face turned red. “You’re not –“ His alcoholic breath irritated my nostrils. “Baby, what’s the matter?” Bella came forward and grabbed Noah’s arm, clinging to him. He gave me an irritated look before he grabbed Bella by the waist, pulled her into his chest and smashed his lips against hers. The girl gasped in surprise but she pulled him closer, her hands tangling into his hair. The people behind whistled and hooted but Noah kept his eyes fixated on me as he kissed another girl. No matter how much I pretended to be fine on the outside, my insides were turning and twisting. My heart felt as if someone was stabbing into it with a blunt knife, stabbing and wrenching. My heart slowed for a moment and breathing because impossible. Through blurry eyes, I watched Noah’s eyes light up before they closed as he got fully invested in kissing another girl while I, his mate, watched. No blow ever hurt this much. No slap, no kick, and no harsh word ever caused me this much pain. I swerved on my heels, my heart too heavy to continue watching the scene playing out before me but as I turned, a loud voice halted me. “I found my mate!” Noah shouted in the hall and silence descended around me. In a daze, I turned to look back at him. What trick did he have up his sleeve? “Congratulations, Bella!” A girl shouted from beside them. “You’re going to be the Luna as you said!” Just like that, people cheered and congratulated Bella. They didn’t ask who Noah was mated to. After that steamy and public kiss, there was no need to ask. Confusion shone in Bella’s eyes as she looked up at Noah but his eyes were on me, his lips pulled up at the side as he watched my reaction. Following his gaze, her eyes came to rest on me and the small smile on her lips fell. A dark look crossed her eyes and a biting cold pierced my chest. “That’s right,” she said in a cold voice. “I am Noah’s Luna.” She raised her chin into the air and smiled a haughty smile. “Noah, my boy!” The Alpha ran into the hall where the welcome party for his son was in full swing. Earlier, the adults left the hall for the ‘youngins’ to party but at that moment, the Alpha and his Luna were running into the party to congratulate their son on finding his mate. The Luna shoved past me as she rushed to hug Bella and I laughed. It was a small chuckle that no one heard and it was all I could do in this situation. I should be the one getting congratulated, not Bella. I was Noah’s mate, not Bella, but I couldn’t say that. Noah said with his mouth that I wasn’t deserving of standing by his side and he was right. He just returned from the academy where he spent the last five years being educated to take over this pack. A girl like me did not belong by his side. Bella was more fitting. She was the beta’s daughter, a pretty girl with a ‘banging body,’ a nice attitude and most importantly, a beta wolf. Me? I was nobody. Tears streamed down my face as I exited the hall. I tried convincing myself that this was for the best. Even if Noah accepted me, his family would not accept me and the pack would never respect me. I wasn’t cut out to be a Luna, I knew that but the tears did not stop. Why did it hurt so much? Why did my lemons taste so bad? How many more rejections would I have to deal with in my lifetime? My father rejected me, my mother rejected me, my pack rejected me and now my mate rejected me. From my conception, I wasn’t good enough. When would I be good enough? What did I have to do to be accepted? As one of the helps for the party, I wasn’t allowed to leave as I did but my legs carried me to my room. The tears fell faster and harder as I stumbled upstairs and once I closed the door behind me, I screamed. It was too much. The emotions choked me. My head throbbed, my heart throbbed and my throat throbbed as I screamed louder. “Why me!?” I shouted at my ceiling. “What did I do? Why do I have to suffer this much?” I screamed, clawing at my chest. It hurt. The stabbing in my heart hurt too much. My limbs trembled as I hit my chest. “What did I ever do wrong?” I screamed. “I’m just –“ I’m just one person so why did I have to carry this much burden? Where was the goddess? Why did she abandon me? Why did my creator always throw me into situations where I would suffer? How could a goddess be so cruel? “I hate you,” I spoke the blasphemous words. “You’re –“ You’re too cruel. The words stuck in my tightened throat. “Aren’t you supposed to love me? Didn’t you create me? Why do you –“ Even the goddess rejected me. I’d never known love and I’d never asked to be loved. I never even asked for a crumb of affection. All I wanted in life was to be treated as a person who had a heart to feel. I wanted people to see and understand that I was hurt and hurting, maybe then they would treat me like a person with emotions and not an object to be abused. I didn’t think it was too much to ask. The goddess was supposed to give me a loving mate. My mate was the only person on the planet who I felt could love me with all my flaws and shortcomings. Why did she have to give me a man like Noah? Why was I always set up to be hurt and humiliated? “I hate you!” I didn’t know who the words were for this time. The goddess who abandoned me or Noah, who not only rejected me seconds after finding out we were mates, but also proclaimed another woman as his Luna right in my presence. “I hate –“ The words stuck to my throat as I gasped, my eyes turning dark for a split second as a sharp knife drove my heart.

Chapter 2 Chapter 0002

“What’s happening to me?” I panicked, stumbling upright on trembling knees. My body stiffened and I grimaced at the bitter taste that spread on my tongue. “What’s this?” I swallowed hard through my tight and dry throat. My mouth fell open as the pain intensified. I grabbed the door when my body swayed as I left my room, an invisible force urging me to come out of my room. I didn’t know what was happening but my instincts went into overdrive and something inside me howled and shrieked in agony. My legs carried me down the stairs and out of the pack house as an unrelenting sharp sting ripped my insides apart. As if propelled by an external force, I turned left and walked towards the back of the pack house. I stopped dead in my tracks when I witnessed the scene playing out before my eyes. “Ha,” Bella moaned, “Faster, ahh, yes! Like that!” She held her skirt up and my mate held her by her waist, his trouser at his ankles. I shook my head slowly, my breath hitching in disbelief. Even if he hated me – Even if he loathed the air I breathed, wasn’t this too much? It was dirty and disgusting to watch and it made me swallow hard. I walked with my back, captivated by the cruel scene I wanted to escape. A twig crunched underneath my feet and Noah raised his head. Sweat beaded his forehead, his lips were parted as he huffed a breath, pushing in and out of a delirious Bella. She didn’t even notice my presence but he did. His lust-filled eyes sparkled and his parted lips morphed into a smile and then I realized. He did this on purpose. This savage, disgusting display was for my benefit. He came out here to have intercourse expecting me to find them and when he held my eyes, fear slithered down my spine from the hatred I saw reflected in his. My frozen legs forced me to watch as he drilled into another woman. He did this to hurt me, to twist my insides and squeeze my heart. I was dying inside, writhing in pain as my mate desecrated our bond. This man - This cruel man, was my mate, the mate the goddess predestined for me. Despite the knife twisting my insides and tearing up my heart, I felt numb. I stood stock-still, my blurry vision erasing the sight before me and my lungs squeezing, making breathing difficult. “Ha, Noah - I’m gonna –“ The girl groaned some words which my ringing ears could not hear anymore. I couldn’t see them anymore, couldn’t hear them and I could not move. My body locked into position with grief and heartbreak taking turns piercing my heart. “What?” Through my blurry vision, I saw the smaller of the two figures before me jump. “What’s this creep staring at?” I heard Bella screech. “Go away!” I felt something hit my skin. She’d thrown sand at me but I didn’t move. Even though I wanted to run, I could not. Despite my fervent prayer for my breath to cease and for my existence to fade, nothing happened. I was unmoving in front of those that caused my pain. “Hey, I’m talking to you!” The knives drilling into my heart stopped, leaving behind pieces of my broken heart. “Are you ignoring me?” As soon as my vision cleared, it turned white and I saw stars. Bella yanked my hair backwards as she shouted. “You’re ignoring the future Luna?” She shouted, stomping on my foot. “Bella.” Noah spoke with a chill in his voice. “Excuse us.” His tone rang with finality and the grip on my hair loosened. “W – What? What do you want to do with her?” She demanded. “Don’t tell me –“ She started with a shaky voice. “Who are you to question me?” Anger vibrated in his quiet tone. “Get lost,” he snarled at her and she scrambled away, leaving me with the predator with my feet still rooted to the ground as he stalked forward. “You’re even uglier when you cry,” Noah whispered in my face, his finger twirling a lock of my hair. Noah Howard. He’d been sixteen years old the last time I saw him. We never had anything to do with each other as we lived in different worlds within the same pack. Then, he was nothing more than a teenage boy who the elders felt was too irresponsible to take over the pack so they sent him to the academy. He returned tonight to a surprise party but I was the one that ended up being surprised. Noah Howard was my mate. “Reject me,” I said through gritted teeth. The pain in my heart intensified and he grinned, his lips twisting into an ugly smile that had me shivering. “Why should I?” He asked with a chuckle. “You don’t want me,” I reminded him. A few hours ago, he told me I wasn’t worth standing beside him so he should reject me. “Make this rejection official.”“Where’s the fun in that?” He twirled my hair with a strange look in his eyes. “I can’t reject you, Carrot,” he muttered. “Not before I make you suffer.”“Why are you doing this?” Tears stung my eyes again. “You don’t want me so reject me!” I shouted. My right ear rang as my head snapped to the side when he dealt me a heavy slap. “Don’t raise your voice at your superior.” His soft voice tickled my ear. “How dare you?” His voice turned rough and his eyes darkened. My frozen legs finally unlocked in time for me to scramble back but I could not escape him. “How dare a piece of shit like you be my mate!?” He bellowed. “Do you know who I am? Have dare you mess up my plans like this?” He advanced on me the more I scampered off. “I didn’t –“ I didn’t ask for him to be my mate so why did he blame me? “It’s not as if I picked you,” I cried in exasperation. “What do you mean? Is there another man you would have picked if you got the chance?” He growled, his face darkening even further. “How dare a nobody like you act so superior? Who are you to accept my rejection with an ‘okay?’ Do you have no fear?”“What are you even saying?” I cried out. “I know you don’t want me! I know I can’t stand by your side. Yes, I accepted that fact so why are you angry? Did you want me to beg? Would you feel better if I fell on my face and grabbed your ankles begging you not to reject me? Would it change anything if you saw me miserable!?” I screamed, continuing to back away. “Yes,” he deadpanned. “You should have begged, fallen on your face and begged me to be with a worthless pile of trash like you then I wouldn’t be feeling this!” He shouted, hitting his chest. “A girl like you cannot be my mate. You’ve ruined everything!”“What have I done?” I asked, my momentum dying as my grief choked me. I couldn’t shout anymore, could barely even speak. “This is the goddess’ doing, not mine.” The heavens knew I would never have picked a mate like Noah in the first place. He was born arrogant. His pretty face and status blinded him at an early age so he didn’t know how to value others. In his eyes, everyone existed to serve him. It didn’t even matter that he was the successor of a small pack which made him a small fry in the midst of other alphas. Noah Howard acted like a god in Red Lake, the only place people treated him with reverence. “If you didn’t exist, I would not have the misfortune of being your mate,” he snarled. Yes, it was my fault for existing, my fault for being born. If I didn’t exist, Noah wouldn’t be mated to me. Perhaps the goddess would have given him Bella then, the perfect match for a man like him, but I had to exist. ‘Why are you still alive, Carrot?’ I asked myself. ‘Everyone wants you gone so what do you exist for?’ “If you won’t reject me,” I started with a heavy heart, “then I will reject you.” Taking a deep breath, I spoke, “I, Carrot, of Red Lake pack, reject you, Noah Howard, as my mate.” I hunched over as the stabbing in my heart continued. Tears blurred my vision for the nth time that night but a chuckle came from above me. “I refuse your rejection.” He was the alpha, the more powerful of the two of us. It was unfair but without his permission, our mate bond could not be broken. “Before I let you go, I’ll have to break you completely.” His eyes sparkled with hatred. “Maybe then I’ll see what’s inside you that gives you the audacity to hold up your head in my presence.” He spat on my face. At the crack of dawn the next morning, a message came from the Alpha and Luna of Red Lake.

Chapter 3 Chapter 0003

That night, I could not sleep. I cried and cried until I had no tears left to cry despite that, there was no sleep. Anguish twisted my insides, a dull pain striking my heart at intervals. In the end, I sat up in bed and stared out the window into the night sky, wondering when all this would end, hoping I would catch a break from all the afflictions in my life. “Carrot!” Someone knocked hastily on my door. “You better not be sleeping.” I scrambled out of bed as my door flung open, banging against the wall. “Did you not hear me knocking?” Sylvia shouted, wagging a finger at me. “I was just about to open the door,” I muttered, rubbing my eyes with a pounding heart. Sylvia was the head of an omega group, the one I belonged to. Even in that group, I was an outcast. Red Lake had a total of seventy-four wolves headed by Alpha Howard and Luna Grace. Despite our small size, Red Lake pack had beta and omega packs which were smaller units in the main pack headed by an alpha or a beta. Sylvia headed the smallest unit of the main pack, an omega pack because she was the weakest beta in Red Lake. The sub-pack comprised omegas – and me. She hated me. “Who are you talking back to?” She sneered, closing the door behind her. “I - I’m sorry.” I hung my head with a burning throat. It hurt me to bow my head to these people all the time. It made my insides twist and my skin tighten, but I had no choice. In Red Lake pack, I was the weak link – the bottom of the bottom – so I had to defer to everyone, or else I got beat up and starved for days. “You should be sorry,” Sylvia quipped, her fists clenched at her sides. It was clear she wanted to hit me and I readied myself to shield my face but to my surprise, she didn’t hit me. Instead, her lips curled and she eyed me from head to toe before letting out a sound of disgust. “The Alpha wants to see you.” My heart fell while my mind went into overdrive. “W – Why?” I asked with a gasp. It was a mistake. “Silly girl!” Sylvia bellowed, rushing me. She was an enormous woman, over three times my size, so when she ran into me, I, of course, fell back, wincing as I hit my tailbone and at the same time her fist descended on me. “Who are you to question me?” She shouted. “I’m going to knock some sense into you. What gives you the right to act so conceited? How dare you question me when I say the Alpha wants to see you!?” She punctuated each word with a hit. My face, my chest, my stomach, she hit me everywhere and I didn’t have it in me to block my face. I stayed still on the ground and withdrew into my shell. Inside my shell, I felt nothing. She hit my body but I felt nothing. She called me names but I heard nothing. In my shell, the world faded away and I was safe and sheltered – detached from the suffering I faced on a daily basis. “Are you dead?” Sylvia got off me, shaking my shoulders with more force than necessary. “No,” I responded. It didn’t matter that I wished I was dead – I was alive still. “Good,” she spat. “It’s too late for you to die now.” With those ominous words, she wrenched me off the floor and set me on my feet. My knees gave way and I tumbled back to the ground. “For goddess’ sake!” She dragged me back up. “Don’t keep the Alpha waiting!”“Okay,” I mumbled, smoothing down my dress. “You – This –“ Her eyes blazed again and it looked like she was about to hit me. “Wash your face before you leave,” she snarled at me before leaving, slamming the door shut behind her. All the rooms in the pack house had bathrooms except mine. Every pack member stayed in the pack house for free except me. I was lucky to have a room even if the door was broken and there was nothing in it but a small bed meant for a child. I laughed as I wiped my face with a wet rag, blood trickling down my nose. There wasn’t much humour left in my world – scratch that, there wasn’t any humour at all. Last night, the only hope I had of being happy was cut off and now it felt like I didn’t have a reason to live. I was sick and tired, mostly tired, and I just wanted to close my eyes and embrace darkness forever. A part of me knew it was dangerous to have such thoughts but I didn’t care. I no longer cared about anything. I walked down the stairs and met Amanda coming up. Amanda was the head of the kitchen in the pack and with the way her eyes lit up with red rage when she saw me, I knew she was coming upstairs to look for me. “You!” She pointed her trademark wooden spoon at me. “Have you forgotten you’re on kitchen duty with Fatima today?” She shouted. “The Alpha called for me,” I responded in a monotone. “Ah –“ A strange look flashed in her eyes. “Are you okay?” A curious emotion crossed her face. I stared at her for a second and then another. It was the first time anyone ever asked about my well-being and I didn’t know how to respond. “Yes,” I answered and then continued on my way. A hand gripped my bicep, stopping me. “Carrot, what’s the matter?” I recognized the look in her eyes then. It was worry and it was the first time I ever saw it directed at me. “Nothing.” I pulled my arm from her grip. “The Alpha called for me so I’ll be on my way.” I wondered what she saw in my eyes. What did you see, Amanda? Why are you suddenly worried about me? I was too tired to care. The world was grey as I trudged to the Alpha’s home a few blocks away from the pack house. Someone said something to me as I passed but I didn’t hear her. I couldn’t understand the resignation that washed over me, neither did I understand how fast it has come but I was tired. I wanted to close my eyes. “You’re here.” The Luna opened the door before I knocked. “Carrot?” She sounded dubious as if she could not believe her eyes. “Good morning, Luna.” I bowed my head in respect. “Are you alright?” She asked, her brows furrowing. “Yes,” I gave the same response I gave Amanda. ”The Alpha called for me?” I asked, a strange cold spreading inside me. “Oh, right.” She laughed, the sound awkward. “Come in.” She held the door open for me to enter so I did. The Luna of a pack was supposed to be a mother to all the wolves in her pack but this woman was nothing but a vain person who only cared for herself and her vain son. One didn’t need to look hard to see who Noah got his awful personality from. “Carrot, are you sick?” The Alpha entered the room and did a double take. “No.” My voice came out in a monotone. “You called for me?” I asked and his face hardened. “Right, yes.” He cleared his throat. “There’s something we need to discuss. Let’s wait for Noah – Ah, here he is.” Noah came down the stairs with water dripping from his hair and a discreet smirk on his lips. “You’re here.” His voice was cold but his eyes laughed at me. “Yes,” I answered like a broken doll. “The Alpha called for me.”“Ahem, as you know,” Alpha Howard started, “Red Lake is trying to form alliances with other packs.” I didn’t know that. The only thing I knew about this pack was the location of the things in the kitchen and the laundry room. Those were the only things I needed to know. “Alpha Norman of Silver Lake just lost his mate so he is looking to mate with someone else. Noah has suggested you as a good fit for the Alpha.” The cold in my body spread through my bones. “We sent him a letter last night and he responded early this morning to show you how eager he is.” Howard was the eager one if his broad smile was anything to go by. “Alpha Norman has accepted you as his next mate. The Mating Ceremony will be next month, after Noah’s succession ceremony.”“Okay,” the word easily slipped from my lips. Stunned silence met my word. I looked at the three people sitting across from me and they all wore varying expressions of surprise. “Is that all?” I added. The Luna was the first to recover from her shock. “Ah, of course not.” She gave me a smile sweeter and falser than Bella’s. “My room is a mess. I was going to call someone from your sub-pack to arrange it but since you’re here, you’ll help me out, won’t you, sweetie?” She fluttered her lashes. “Okay,” I mumbled. “Is that the only word you know now?” Noah shouted, jumping up from his seat between his parents. “What the deuce –“ “Noah –“ Alpha Howard cut him off with a stern glare. “I’ll go clean the room if you’ll excuse me.” I stood and climbed the stairs to the Luna’s room without looking back. It was a house I had cleaned over a hundred times so I knew my way around. When I entered the room, a cool breeze blew in from the open balcony. I walked over to close the balcony door, picking up clothes as I went but when I got to the balcony, I paused. Holding the railings, I looked down at the ground beneath me while my hands trembled. I’d never considered it before but I was so tired that morning. Was it because I spent the previous night crying instead of sleeping or was it the rotten lemons life gave me? Either way, I wanted to close my eyes and sleep. “Do you want to jump?” A soft voice tinged with laughter tickled my skin.

Chapter 4 Chapter 0004

“It’s funny,” he started, his eyes cold and cruel. “Until yesterday, you held your head high and spoke with indifference but now –“ He stopped with a quick burst of laughter. “Now you seem dead.” His eyes twinkled. “I wanted to see you broken but it’s no fun if you break this easily.” A menacing expression took over his face. He stepped closer to me, forcing me to take a step back. My back hit the cold railings. “Do you now know your place, Carrot?” He snorted with a grin fit for the devil’s lips. I always knew my place. Never once did I attempt to reach higher than my status. I didn’t even ask them to pay attention to me nor did I ask them to love me. When they hit me, I told myself it was because I deserved it and when they took food from my table, I urged myself to do better, to be better. Red Lake was never my home and I knew that even as a child. I had no family here, no purpose and no relevance. I thanked the Alpha and his Luna for letting me stay in the pack even when I did not shift at fifteen like every other wolf. I knew my place in this pack. My place was to serve but no matter how hard I bent over, it wasn’t enough. I didn’t like to bow my head. Bending over to please these people hurt me but I learnt my place early so despite how difficult it was to swallow my pride, I did it all the time, to the point where my pride was easier to swallow because it was almost nonexistent now. “Am I not talking to you, Carrot?” My gaze snapped up at the sound of rage in Noah’s voice. I blinked up at him, his outline a blur in front of me. He was too close, dangerously close and despite how much I hated it, my body was attuned to his. The heat emanating from his body warmed the cold spreading inside me but it was not enough. The cold was greater. It spread faster. Carrot. It was my name. Not a nickname but the name I was given at birth by my mother who promptly abandoned me in the hospital. I didn’t have red hair so my name had no justification. Did my mother like carrots? Did she eat a lot of carrots while pregnant with me? Or did she hate carrots? I’d never know because I never met her. “The Luna asked me to arrange her bedroom,” I responded in a monotone, hollowness spreading inside me. “If you’ll excuse me –“ I tried to step past him but he stopped me. “You saucy chit,” he growled with eyes flashing. “It would be better for you to jump.” Strong hands shoved me and my world titled on its axis as I went into free fall. For a split second, my mouth opened in a scream and I reached up a hand trying to grab at him, at the railing, at anything. When my widened eyes met his laughing ones, the scream died in my throat and the cold void inside me spread. I closed my eyes and everything faded to black. ** Beep. Beep. Beep. An incessant and annoying sound reached me through the darkness. After the sound, pinpricks of discomfort pushed into my skin. My throat burned and my head pounded a rowdy rhythm. “You’re awake.” An unfamiliar man stood beside me with a blinding white dress and a subtle scowl. “Do you know your name?” Even in my ringing ears, he sounded impatient. “Carrot,” I mumbled with a tight throat. How was I still here? Noah pushed me off the balcony and though it was only a one-storey, I thought I was done for. So, except the afterlife looked like a hospital ward, I didn’t die. “Yes, Carrot.” His gaze grew even sterner. “How many fingers am I holding up?”“Two,” I responded. He pursed his lips and jotted something in his notepad. The waves of anger wafting off him made me shiver. The cold inside me earlier had receded, leaving me with a clear mind. “What –“ I wanted to ask the doctor what happened but he cut me a sharp look. “Why did you do it?” He asked, the words bubbling from his lips as if he’d tried hard to keep them at bay but failed. “Do what?” I blinked in the face of his anger. “Why did you jump?” He shouted. “Because of you –“ His brown eyes lit up with unconcealed rage. “As a pack, we have helped you despite your irrelevance to us and when it’s time to do one good thing for the pack, you attempt to kill yourself.” He glared at me. “A – Attempt what?” I asked with a dumb expression. Laughter bubbled up from inside me. “S – Sui - ” The laughter burst out, my entire body burning with pain as I laughed. “Is that the story?” Tears spilt from the corners of my eyes as I laughed. My laughter turned to sobs in a second. “Alpha Noah hasn’t eaten a meal in the week since he found you jumping out of his mother’s balcony. That’s how much your actions traumatized him.” The accusation shining in the doctor’s eyes would make even an innocent man feel guilty. “How could you be so cruel? Is this how you repay us for taking care of you all this time even if we didn’t have to? You’re not even a member of Red Lake pack but we helped you!” It was true that I wasn’t a member of Red Lake pack. It was possible that I had a pack, a family out there, but I didn’t know of them. According to the stories I heard, my birth mother came to Red Lake pack heavily pregnant and distressed. Her boyfriend left her when he found out she was with child so she came to Red Lake pack to escape the grief. They say my mother was a beautiful woman so Alpha Howard let her stay but the minute she gave birth to me, she ran from the pack, abandoning me with them. It was the reason I served them so diligently. I didn’t have a home or a family and didn’t know a life outside of Red Lake pack. Despite how bitter I felt having to serve them as a cheap servant, I didn’t have anywhere else to go if they kicked me out. So I endured. I wiped my tears silently in my room and came out every morning with my head held high and my heart heavy. The bullying, the abuse, the humiliation, I endured it all because I had nowhere to run to. “Thank you for keeping me,” I answered the doctor. For the longest time, I felt I had to repay Red Lake for keeping me but now, I realized I had long since paid my debt. I earned my keep in this pack, worked through rain and sunshine to cater for the wolves in this pack without pay or appreciation. They gave me the protection of a pack but I would be better off in the wilderness. “What are you saying?” The doctor sneered. “How can a nobody like you be so arrogant?” It was my greatest flaw in the eyes of the wolves of Red Lake pack. No matter how much I bent over, my back remained stiff and no matter how much they beat me down, I still rose from the dirt with my head held high. I didn’t know why or how I did it but something in me couldn’t stand me wallowing in dirt and pity. I wouldn’t call myself a fighter but I fought to retain even a shred of my dignity. The door burst open before I formed a reply for the doctor. Noah rushed in with eye bags surrounding his bloodshot eyes. “You’re awake.” His shoulder hunched forward and relief echoed in his voice. “You tried to kill me.” I felt a peal of familiar maniacal laughter bubbling in my throat. No matter what these people did to me, I never considered taking my life. It was a flitting thought I had the other day, one that I didn’t let take root, but Noah Howard – he pushed me off his mother’s balcony. “What are you saying?” It was the doctor that jumped to his defense. “You tried to kill yourself because you didn’t want to mate with Alpha Norman. Do you understand the stigma that puts on us as a pack? Do you know how much talk has been circulating about Alpha Norman now!? A lowly omega would rather kill herself than be his mate!” He turned red in the face as he shouted, spittle flying everywhere. “Doctor,” Noah called in a cold voice. “Please, leave us for a minute.”“I haven’t conducted the necessary checkup yet –“ The man argued but one look from Noah had him clamming up, going as white as snow before he nodded and scrambled out of the room, shutting the door with Noah and I alone. The air of regret and anxiousness around him faded and his downturned lips rose to form the ghost of a smile. He still looked tired but his eyes were alive as he smirked at me. Then he opened his mouth. “I told you I would break you completely, didn’t I?” Sadism gleamed in his eyes as he smiled.

Chapter 5 Chapter 0005

“Did you think I would let you die?” He laughed, the sound low and guttural. “If you wanted to kill yourself, you should have done it before I found out we were mates.” I smiled as he continued to hound me. “Do I make you feel inferior, Noah?” I asked with a broad smile. The cruel look on his face faded to a blank one. Then his face went red and his body stiffened. “Who are you to make me feel inferior?” He snarled, a bit of his wolf pushing into his words. “That’s what I’ve been thinking.” I wore a pensive expression, gritting my teeth against the pinpricks of pain turning to sharp stabs. “Does my pride upset you, Noah?” He wanted me to beg on the floor to be his mate. He wanted to savour the sight of me broken and humiliated in public because of him but I didn’t give him that satisfaction. The wolves of Red Lake told me several times that I needed to know my place and over the years, I learnt my place. My place was not beside the Alpha. It was the reason I let him go so easily despite my heart breaking that day. I knew on instinct that I would never be Noah’s mate whether I licked the ground he walked on while crawling on my hands and knees. “Yes,” he answered with a casual shrug. “Your pride upsets me.” It wasn’t as if I was proud – I just retained a bit of my self-respect in the face of bullies who wanted me to crawl on my belly and kiss their feet. They hated me because they could not crush me into fine powders and mould a perfectly submissive slave and now, Noah had taken it upon himself to break me. I didn’t want to admit it out loud but I was scared. My insides shivered as cold spread through me. I was deathly terrified that he would succeed. For the twenty years of my life, Red Lake tried to knock me down permanently but I always found a way to stand. Now, Noah Howard may find a way to break me forever. “It’s upsetting to see a nobody like you go about like you have the world at your feet.” His eyes blazed with malice. “I’ve hated you since I set eyes on you and now, after you so calmly accepted my rejection, I hate you even more. Garbage should act like garbage, not like the queen.”“This garbage could be the queen one day,” I muttered, tired of this sickening conversation. He burst into laughter. I just woke up from a near-death experience and the first person to enter my room was this devil. It wasn’t my fault that Noah had such a big ego that would not be assuaged unless he trampled on everyone in his pack, including the one already trampled upon. He had issues, more issues than I knew or cared to know of. His issues sent him to the Alpha Academy to learn some sense of responsibility but he came back as a sadistic bully instead. “Yes, you’re totally the Alpha Prince’s type.” He snorted. “An ugly, wolfless wench like you will make a good queen,” he added with a derisive chuckle. “Tell me, Carrot, do you have a crush on the prince? Is that why you calmly accepted my rejection? Do you have a stupid dream of meeting him by chance and falling in love?” His eyes sparkled like he’d never heard a bigger joke than this before. “I accepted your rejection because I don’t want you.” The words felt like a partial lie as I spoke. “But you can’t help but want me.” His eyes and tone softened. “We are mates, after all, so when I’m with another woman, it’s going to tear into you and you’re going to feel miserable.” I opened my mouth to cuss at him but the door banged open. The Alpha and Luna walked in with scary expressions on their faces. “You lowly hussy.” The Luna was the first to speak and the first to strike me. I’d fallen from the balcony of her room and almost died but to show her thankfulness that I didn’t die, she hit me as hard as she could, and then her hands wrapped around my neck. “Mum!” Noah grabbed her hands wrapped around my throat. “What the hell are you doing!?” He bellowed, trying to wrestle her off me. The more he fought her off, the tighter she choked me. I couldn’t say anything. My shoulders tightened and my stomach became rock hard. My heart raced, almost exploding in my chest, and everything felt as if it was going to end in a second. My Luna, the mother of my pack, squeezed the air out of my lungs with cold malice in her eyes. “She wants to die so I should kill her!” She shouted in a shrill voice, her eyes dark and fixated on me. “This little hussy! Who are you to cause so much trouble!?” She squeezed harder. “Grace,” Noah called his mother by her first name, his tone sending chills down my cold body. “Let her go.” He wasn’t the Alpha yet but her hands loosened their grip on my throat. She was the Luna, higher than him in status, but when he added, “Before I get pissed off,” her hands fell from my throat and tears stained her eyes. “Noah, why are you defending this whore!” The Luna cried like her son’s girlfriend. “She has caused so much trouble for us! Alpha Norman is withdrawing all his support for our pack because of this insult.” Ha. If I lived, they cussed at me but if I died, they also cussed at me. Tears stung my eyes and I rubbed my reddened throat. The Luna’s strong grip crushed my windpipes and I hacked for breath on my hospital bed while the family held a discussion, ignoring my existence. “I didn’t save her life to have you kill her,” Noah growled. “Don’t be stupid now!” He snapped. “Don’t talk to your mother like that!” Alpha Howard growled. “If she wasn’t so stupid –“ He started with a snarl but then stopped when his eyes caught mine. “If you kill her then the deal with Alpha Norman is gone forever.”“It’s gone already!” Luna Grace screeched. “He has asked us to send back the gifts he sent the other day.” She swerved on her heels to glare at me and I cowered, shielding my face. “You’re not even pretty so how can you object to having a rich mate?” She hissed. Did she say a rich mate? Alpha Norman had lost half his fortune in a legal battle after having adult relations with a twelve-year-old. His mate who just died turned eighteen on the day he married her. I would be the oldest of the three mates he had taken in his lifetime and he was already fifty-two. They were selling me off to a disgusting, perverted old man and they acted like I should be grateful to them. If audacity had a face, it would look a lot like Luna Grace, the crazy pretentious woman. “It’s not gone.” Noah’s eyes had a twinkle in them. “She’s alive so she can get married.” His words stunned the room. “But she tried to kill herself rather than marry him. It’s not a good look for him to mate with her after that,” Luna Grace pointed out. The Alpha stood at the sideline listening to his family make plans. It was no secret that Luna Grace ran this pack with her son while the Alpha stood as a ceremonial head. “Let him worry about his reputation,” Noah said with a shrug. “Don’t you think it would be good for them to be mated? That way he can decide her punishment for smearing his name.” He showed an evil grin that exposed all his teeth. “That’s a good idea,” the Alpha butted in and his son’s grin widened. “But the lunatic can try to kill herself again.”“The mating would have originally taken place in three weeks,” Noah pointed out. I lay there with pain making my body ache while they planned how to trade me like a piece of meat. “Lock her in the dungeons until then. There’s no way for a prisoner to commit suicide.”“Ah, you’re a genius!” The Alpha laughed, smacking his son’s shoulder jovially. Noah only gave a small and irritating smile. “Doctor!” The Alpha bellowed. Thus, I woke up in the hospital from a near death experience and then I was shipped off to the dungeons in my hospital gown. They put handcuffs on me like a prisoner and threw me into a cell, my shoulder scraping against the wall and my skin tearing open. The guard locked the gate and Noah stood outside, a smirk on his lip and a twinkling in his eyes. At that moment, he looked like a devil sending me to hell. “You’re a fun toy,” he whispered. Then, something inside me snapped and a dam exploded. My heart pounded in my ears as I gnashed my teeth. Red covered my vision as I watched his retreating back. ‘For the evil you have sown, I will be sure you reap ten times of it.’ I vowed in my heart. ‘Even if it takes my last breath, I will do everything in my power to make you suffer, Noah Howard. And your pack will be reduced to rubble.’ Red Lake had drained my will to live over the years but it was renewed at that moment. I cannot die until I ruin this pack.

Chapter 6 Chapter 0006

I lost track of time locked in the dungeons like a filthy criminal. At first, I tried to count the days but the place was dark. I could not tell when night came or when the sun rose high in the skies. Every day was filled with darkness and pain. My body still hurt from being pushed off the balcony. I may have broken something inside but there was no way to tell because there was no doctor to examine me. Often, the pain in my body tripled and tears spilt down my cheeks before I had time to hold them back and every time this happened, I knew my mate was getting intimate with another woman. This was the reason he didn’t reject me. He wanted me to be in pain every day as he desecrated our sacred bond. I thought I lived an awful life until I met my mate. Noah showed me that I’d been living a happy life before he returned to the pack. Sometimes, he visited the dungeons but he never came to my cell. I didn’t see him but I felt him, much to my annoyance. Although he was metres away, my body was attuned to him in a way that could not be explained. I hated it. It made me hate him the more and I wanted it all to end. My eyes were closed and my stomach in knots when my body froze. Hunger made me delirious sometimes but this time, it was so much worse. They hadn’t brought food for me in a long time. The mouldy bread and dirty water I got at intervals couldn’t be called a meal but it saved me from starvation. I hadn’t received a portion in what must have been days. While I groaned in agony, I scented the last person I wanted to see in this life. Although I hated him, my body reacted to him. I thought he had come for his normal round of inspection but I felt him get closer and closer to my cell, and then I saw him. “Miss me?” He gave a boyish grin, tilting his head to the side as the enforcer opened the door. He was dressed in a black tuxedo, his hair slicked back and an expensive watch on his wrist. “Do you like my watch?” He held out his hand to my face and my body reacted to his scent. It was animalistic to feel this way about someone who put me through all these but the goddess had wired me with these emotions. I liked his scent. “Are you too hurt to play with me?” He stroked my dirty hair. “Even though I brought food?” It was then I noticed the platter he held in one hand. I’d been so consumed by two opposite emotions warring inside me at the sight of him that I missed the tantalizing scent of food. “Here.” He shoved a pitcher of water at me. “Drink.” The water splashed on my face as he started to pour and like a dog, I opened my mouth and lapped at the clean water pouring. A chuckle came from above me but I closed my eyes. It didn’t matter if he laughed at me – all I cared about was satisfying the thirst that felt as deep as my soul. He could laugh all he wanted but I would lap at the water he poured on my face like a starved dog because I was nothing more than a starved dog at that point. “Where is your dignity?” He snickered, setting the pitcher of water aside. More water had poured on me than entered my mouth, leaving me thirstier than I was before he gave me water. “It’s too early for you to break, Carrot. I’m not done playing with you yet.” To this bastard, I was nothing more than a plaything, a toy for his amusement, a thing he could toss around as he wanted without care of it breaking. Sometimes, he acted soft and concerned for me and in the days since I’d been locked up in the dim dungeons, I wondered if he didn’t feel even a shred of emotion for me. I hated him with every fibre of my being but the barely formed mate bond made me feel weird things for him. For example, his scent made my stomach clench and it wasn’t due to disgust. It made me think it was possible that he felt even a shred of emotion for me that’s why he acted nice sometimes. What I didn’t consider then was that Noah Howard was a psychopath that had chosen me as his victim. “Are you hungry?” He opened the plate he brought and my mouth watered. “Yes,” I muttered as I swallowed the saliva pooling in my mouth. “I’m starving.” There was no point denying my hunger. He could see it in my ravenous eyes and the bones in my body. “Will you beg me to feed you?” His eyes sparkled in anticipation. Something inside me gnashed but I silenced it. I’d vowed to myself that before I died, I would make sure to spit on Noah Howard‘s grave. If I had to beg the bastard to stay alive till I got my revenge against all those that hurt me in this pack, then so be it. You have to wait for me. Wait to die by my hands, Noah. No one else can kill you. “Please,” I muttered in a raspy and cracked voice. “Please, feed me. I’m hungry and s – starving.” I coughed, something tickling my throat. “Beg more sincerely,” he said in glee. “Beg on your knees.” I fell to my knees and his lips quirked up. “That’s more like it, Carrot.” His eyes darkened and a weird heat flickered across his face. “This is where you belong.” He pressed my head down, shoving me lower. “You belong at my feet, not beside me.”“Y – Yes, Alpha.” His cold demeanour had me stuttering through the harsh treatment. My body crumpled like a piece of paper when he shoved me again. I fell on my stomach, my hands handcuffed behind me. “Please, Alpha. Please don’t let me starve to death.”“You beg so prettily.” His eyes gleamed as he squatted beside me. “Alright, since you begged and I am a benevolent leader, I will feed you.” He straightened. “Stand up, then.” How would I stand? My hands were cuffed behind me and I was on my stomach on the filth ground and my tired body could barely move. “It’s going to be quite difficult,” he snickered. “But you can manage it, can’t you?” Laughter tinged his words and I nodded. It may be difficult but it could not be as difficult as the life I lived. It took a couple of tries but I rolled on my back, kicked my feet and pushed myself to a sitting position. My body was weak, my legs trembling as I kicked up to a sitting position but I pushed myself. “Good. You’re a good girl.” Noah stroked and patted my hair slowly as if we were lovers. I retched at even the thought. When I sat up, he fed me, his eyes gentle and his movements kind. Maybe this was what he wanted – a woman who he could treat as a dog and she would bark when he wanted. Unfortunately, I could never be that woman. “I’m going to become the alpha in a few hours,” he muttered as I chewed. “You won’t be able to witness the ceremony.” He sounded distraught but I was only half-listening. “Your mating is also in seven days. Your mate is sponsoring my ceremony so I thought you should eat from the food we would feast on today thanks to you.” He fed me – he overfed me but I could not complain. My stomach hurt but I would be meek even if it was the last time. “I have to go now.” He stood, abandoning the food he came with. “We will see on your wedding day.” With that, he exited the dungeons and the enforcer locked up behind him. Laughter burst from my throat when he left. ‘Wait for me, Noah.’ I thought. ‘Wait for me to get my revenge on you. Don’t die before then.’ “Carrot.” My eyes opened in the dark cell to see Amanda’s blazing red hair. She had an apron tied around her and her eyes darted around the place. “It’s the handing-over ceremony today so there are fewer enforcers around.” A man appeared beside her and opened my cell door. “This is your only chance to escape.” Her words took time to register in my mind. “Why are you doing this?” I asked as the man uncuffed me. “He’d kill you if he finds out.” Noah had been sent to the academy to be reformed but he came back worse. “It’s just – You’re a good girl.” It was a stupid reason to set me free but I didn’t question it as I stood. “Forget about this pack –“ “Mother, we have to tell her,” the enforcer taking off my handcuffs spoke. “It’s a –“ “No, Andrew. Not a word,” Amanda became stern. “If what you saw is the truth then we should not interfere too much,” she said to her son then she turned to me. “Just go. We are doomed anyway.” She hurried me. It was impossible for me to forget about a pack I planned to destroy but I nodded and hurried out as fast as my shaky legs could carry me. Amanda and her son bade me farewell as I broke into a run that night. My heart pounded, my legs trembled and tears spilt down my cheeks as I ran. It’d be faster if I had a wolf to shift into but I didn’t. I didn’t have a wolf so I ran on my two thin human legs. My lips and chin trembled and my chest hurt. Of course, my body hurt. I’d been pushed out of a building a month ago and I didn’t have a wolf to heal me neither had I received proper treatment. Images of Noah catching up with me and throwing me back into the cold and smelly cell made me run faster even as my legs trembled and my knees buckled more than once. I ran like my clothes were on fire, weaving through numerous unfamiliar forests. We were a small pack with a small land and I could only hope I’d exited Red Lake after running for so long. I kept running until I exited the woods and then a blinding light shone on my face and my legs froze going into lockdown mode. “Get out of the way!” I heard a powerful voice shout before my legs gave out and my world went black.