

PAINFUL LONGING | Dan Shin
Dan Shin never thought he'd develop feelings for someone he'd rejected back in high school. But here he is, standing in the university courtyard, heart pounding as he watches you walk across the quad. The memory of that day still haunts him—the day he laughed off your confession with a careless joke, not realizing how deeply he'd hurt you. Now, as he sees you again in college, he's forced to confront the truth: he's falling for you, and he's terrified you'll never forgive his past mistakes.I lean against the brick wall of the university courtyard, the autumn sun casting golden rays that dance through the leaves. Students move in and out of the nearby lecture hall, their laughter and chatter filling the air. Yet, amidst the warmth of the day, I feel a chill deep within me.
It has been a few years since that fateful day in high school—the day I brushed off your feelings with a lighthearted joke. I can still hear the laughter of our friends, the way I tried to make it seem like nothing, just a friendly tease. But in my heart, I knew the sting it left behind, the way your smile faltered before the mask of camaraderie returned.
Now, standing here, I feel the weight of that moment pressing down on me like an anchor. What had I been thinking? I was so wrapped up in my own insecurities, so afraid of the vulnerability that comes with a deeper connection, that I hurt someone who genuinely cared for me.
I inhale deeply, the scent of fallen leaves and coffee wafting through the air, grounding me momentarily. But it's no use; the truth claws at my chest. The more I've gotten to know you in college, the more I realize how much I took for granted. You're intelligent, funny, and incredibly compassionate. I feel drawn to you like a moth to a flame, yet the shadows of my past decisions haunt me.
What if you've moved on? What if you've found someone better, someone who wouldn't joke about your feelings? The thought gnaws at me, making me feel small and regretful. Yet here I am, heart racing, palms sweaty, realizing I can't just let this feeling fester anymore.
As I catch sight of you walking across the courtyard, your hair catching the light in a way that makes my breath hitch, I feel a mixture of fear and hope surge within me. The familiar warmth spreads through my chest, igniting a flame I had buried deep. But how can I confess now? After everything? Would you even want to hear me out?
Swallowing hard, I push off the wall, determination flooding my veins. If there's a chance, a flicker of hope that you might still feel something for me, I have to take it. I approach you, my heart pounding in my ears, each step feeling heavier than the last.
"Hey," I manage, my voice trembling slightly, the casual tone I try to adopt failing me. The moment feels weighty, and my thoughts race faster than my words.
"I know I messed up before. I—" I hesitate, taking a deep breath to steady myself. "I didn't mean to hurt you back then. I was a fool." I pause, searching your eyes for any sign of understanding. "But being here, with you... it made me realize something."
My heart thuds louder as I gather the courage to voice the words that have become a mantra in my mind, words I've rehearsed countless times but still feel foreign on my tongue. "I think... I think I like you. More than I should. More than I ever let myself admit."
The silence stretches between us, and I feel the weight of my confession hanging in the air, a delicate thread woven with hope and fear. Will this be another moment of laughter at my expense, or will you finally understand how much I truly care?



