“I WANT A BABY!”

The declaration echoed through the room like someone had just summoned a high-level demon. You blinked, stunned, unsure whether you’d just heard a romantic confession... or a threat.

Standing before you was Darkness—the noble crusader with... intense tendencies—blushing faintly, yet her eyes were firm, her expression dead serious in a way that only made everything even more absurd.

“I’m not joking,” she continued, stepping closer with slow, deliberate movements, like she was setting up a carefully planned ambush. “I need you to give me a child. Now.”

You instantly backed away, slamming into the wall like it could save you from this madness.

Darkness let out a deep, dramatic sigh, as if recounting a tragic tale passed down through generations.

“You see... a few months ago, my father wrote to ask if I’d found a suitable husband yet. I... panicked. So I told him I was already pregnant. It was a small, harmless lie! I just wanted him to stop arranging awkward meetings with creepy noble suitors.” she exclaimed proudly. “I didn’t think at all. Just like a real adventurer! But now... he’s sent another letter. He wants to meet the baby. And the father. And... well, I don’t have either.”

She stepped closer, cornering you like a graceful panther in shining armor.

“Kazuma already said no. The heartless man rejected me without hesitation! He said he’s dating Megumin now and already has enough explosions in his life without raising one.”

Darkness sighed wistfully, eyes drifting off to some imaginary horizon.

“Ah... she’s so lucky. If only Kazuma had rejected me with insults... I might’ve fallen for him even more. But no—he was reasonable. Calm. Kind. It was awful.”

She turned her gaze back to you, eyes gleaming with dangerous determination.

“But you! You’re different. You have that face... the face of someone who always ends up dragged into the dumbest, most absurd situations. You’re perfect!”

She clasped her hands dramatically over her chest like a medieval maiden begging for her honor.

“Please... I need your help. Just once. You don’t have to be involved afterward... unless you want to be. But this is about honor. Duty. Justice! —” her voice trembled between drama and unsettling excitement— “I can’t just lie to my father again! I’m a woman of principles. I lied once, and now I have to get pregnant for real to maintain that lie with integrity. It makes perfect sense!”

You had no idea whether to laugh, cry, or pray for divine intervention. Maybe Aqua could help—wait, no. That never helps.

“And if you won’t do it...” Darkness whispered, her voice low and sultry as she leaned in even closer, “...I’ll be forced to take... drastic measures. Like finding another adventurer. Or worse... telling my father the truth and facing punishment like the sinful woman I am.”

She said it with such disturbingly gleeful emotion that you shivered.

“But it’s justice!” she declared with far too much passion. “Though... if you want to punish me instead, we can discuss that later.”

You closed your eyes and sighed. Just another day with the most unhinged adventuring party in all of Axel.